Calling Collinsport 9-1-1!

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Hey, gang,

Do you think that Sheriff George Patterson and the other members of the Collinsport Police Department ever got tired all of all those seemingly continuous and unending police emergency phone calls from the good folks who lived at Collinwood?

I mean, it seemed as if there was one crisis after another up there on the great house on the hill: [spoiler]Bill Malloy ends up floating on the water beneath the cliffs at Widow's Hill, Matthew Morgan is on the lam somewhere on the Collinwood estate after admitting that he knocked off Mr. Malloy, Vicky disappears while searching for David on the grounds near the Old House, Adam kidnaps (or abducts) Carolyn Stoddard from the drawing room of Collinwood, Donna Friedlander and Bruno Hess each end up being eviscerated in the woods surrounding Collinwood, and David Collins goes missing on the grounds of Collinwood, literally, far too many times to keep track of! [/spoiler]

I wonder if when the phone rang at the Collinsport Police Department, Sheriff Patterson would almost instinctively say to his deputies: "Jesus Christ, guys, I'll bet it's another one of those 'emergency,' 'life-or-death' phone calls from those pain-in-the @ss Collinses!!!"? 

Aside from ALL of the turmoil up at Collinwood, I'll bet that Sheriff Paterson's daily routine in Collinsport was about as "exciting" as Sheriff Andy Taylor's day was in folksy, homey, and unfailingly tranquil Mayberry, North Carolina.   

I'll venture to say that the most "serious" emergency calls Sheriff Patterson would get (aside from the "usual" catastrophes at Collinwood) would be to break up a fight between Buzz Hackett and Joe Haskell at the Blue Whale or to wait in his patrol car, waiting for drivers, to exceed the posted speed limit on Collinsport Bay Drive on Saturday night .  (By the way, I wonder where the Buzz-man actually lived in Collinsport?  Maybe Buzz lived "simply" and "hippie-style" in a root cellar, like the one Adam took Carolyn to at the old, abandoned Taylor's farm?)

In any event, perhaps Sheriff Patterson was merely counting the days until his retirement, so that he could move down to sunny and beautiful Key West, Florida, just like Gregory Hines' and Billy Crystal's Chicago policemen characters planned to do in the film, "Running Scared"? 

[KMR]

I just saw episode 108 last night, with what seems to be the first instance of the police rushing out to Collinwood when somebody has been missing for less than an hour.  Less than an hour!  I guess ol' George needs something to do!

[Bob_the_Bartender]

I just saw episode 108 last night, with what seems to be the first instance of the police rushing out to Collinwood when somebody has been missing for less than an hour.  Less than an hour!  I guess ol' George needs something to do!

It's too bad that "America's Most Wanted" went off the air; host John Walsh would have had a field day, presenting reports, featuring such dangerous, wanted Collinsport criminals as Matthew Morgan, Jason McGuire, Adam, Mr. Strak, Nicholas Blair, Jeb Hawkes, Bruno Hess, Nelle Gunston, Sky Rumson, etc., etc.  

[Lydia]

I think Patterson was pretty happy with the situation.  Don't forget, if it weren't for the Collinses, the Collinsport PD would probably have had to lay off 90% of its force.  And I have a sneaking suspicion that George sort of liked the constant contact with the rich folks.

[dom]

He certainly was very respectful toward Liz IIRC.

Isn't there a line in the early episodes somewhere along the lines of "As long as they pay most of the taxes in this town...." No wait, I think that was Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman. Thank goodness DC didn't try that sci-fi gimmick! Fun thought for a new thread, though.

[Bob_the_Bartender]

I think Patterson was pretty happy with the situation.  Don't forget, if it weren't for the Collinses, the Collinsport PD would probably have had to lay off 90% of its force.  And I have a sneaking suspicion that George sort of liked the constant contact with the rich folks.

Lydia,

Yes, I think that you're right that Sheriff Patterson probably secretly liked to hobnob with the patrician Collinses; in much the same way that Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced: "Bouquet") liked to cultivate the friendships of as many affluent people as she possibly could (much to her perpetually henpecked husband, Richard Bucket's great chagrin). 

Bob

[michael c]

whatever happened to old constable carter(who incidentally HATED mustard on a sandwich)?


he sort of just disappeared.

[dom]

Constable Jonas Carter, he gave me the vapors with all that leather straped around his uniform. I think he ended up working the backroom at the Tool Shed Bar & Grille.

[Patti Feinberg]

Constable Jonas Carter, he gave me the vapors with all that leather straped around his uniform. I think he ended up working the backroom at the Tool Shed Bar & Grille.

OMG dom...you effin' crack me up!!!

[tragic bat]

I'm certain that if any poor family living in a shack got lost in the woods of their own backyard every other week, the police would eventually block their number if not outright arrest them.  I've often wondered why the Collins don't seem to have fences, gates, or walls around their property--anyone who wants to is free to just wander onto the property and accost people if (and when) the family decides to walk through the grounds in the middle of the night.  In reality, after the third time you were kidnapped while walking through the woods to and from the Old House, you'd probably decide to drive instead. 

[DarkLady]

On a few occasions, residents of the Great House talk about going down to the gates, so there must be a fence somewhere, probably one of those very tall metal ones like rows of spears with pointy spikes on the top.

[spoiler]And in 1840PT, the Stokeses live in the gatehouse.[/spoiler]

[tragic bat]

On a few occasions, residents of the Great House talk about going down to the gates, so there must be a fence somewhere, probably one of those very tall metal ones like rows of spears with pointy spikes on the top.

[spoiler]And in 1840PT, the Stokeses live in the gatehouse.[/spoiler]

But it doesn't seem to work, since [spoiler] Aristede, gypsy-assasins, and a whole host of other people just walk onto the estate through the woods all the time.  As I recall, there didn't seem to a proper bordering gate to the property in 1897 when Tim and Rachel escaped, they walked very easily on and off the Collins property to the underground crypt just beyond it.    [/spoiler]  If there is a fence, it probably just extends out by the roadside and then ends, so people can just walk around it.

[KMR]

residents of the Great House talk about going down to the gates, so there must be a fence somewhere

You'd think so, wouldn't you?  But the Collins family seemed to have their own strange brand of logic.

[onyx_treasure]

     During hunting season in Maine, you must post your land with "No Hunting" signs or you will see people with guns wandering around your property.  If anyone called Sheriff Patterson during hunting season to report seeing someone with a gun in the woods around Collinwood, he would tell them to call the Game Warden.  (Roger would look hideous in the required blaze orange).

[DarkLady]

Then all the more reason they should have been accurate. It would have been hilarious to see Roger in blaze orange! 

Beautiful October design!