"Angelique, I really appreciate it that you're so tall. You know, I really cared for Carolyn, but after every time I embraced her just like this, I'd have to see my chiropractor to straighten out all of my misaligned cervical vertebrae. Ouch!"

Aristede instinctively takes great offense after Julia wryly comments that his cravat looks just like the same horrid one that someone named Rodney Dangerfield wore, sporting the "The Regular Guy" look in some production entitled "Easy Money."    

"So,  you're telling me, Miss Winters, that these United States will have to bail out the French not once, but twice during the 20th century?  My, whatever will the countess think of that when I tell her?"

Mrs. Stoddard's reaction immediately after finding out, that instead of playing "Here Comes The Bride" as her daughter descends the stairs at her wedding ceremony at Collinwood, Carolyn and Buzz instead plan on playing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" at the nuptials.

In her most calming manner, Dr. Hoffman reassures Maggie that the presence of one slight blemish hardly  qualifies Maggie for the dubious title of "Acne Poster Girl" for the entire state of Maine.

In a role reversal, Maggie assumes the William Holden role of Joe (now Jo) Gillis, while Barnabas interprets Gloria Swanson's role, that of the exceedingly-possessive (not to mention, extremely wacked-out) Norma (now Norman) Desmond in "Son of Sunset Boulevard."   

What, no mention of either Grand-Ma-Ma Edith Collins or "someone's" personal favorite, Bathia Mapes, as ageless paragons of Dark Shadows/AARP pulchritude?

You can talk all you want about sexism, but what about age discrimination?  Heck, only yesterday Kathleen Turner was publicly lamenting the fact that as a more "mature" actor (read: past the BIG 5-0), she had to actually hide the fact that she was sufferring from arthritis, for the fear of not being offered any more leading/prominent roles.

And as far as I'm concerned, as a "more mature" cousin, Ms. Turner still looks darned good (as do Edith and Bathia!).  Yes, it was Laura Murdoch Collins (or, then again, was it Charles Delaware Tate?) who wisely said: "Age is a state of mind."   My sentiments completely, and I'd have a heck of a lot more to say about sexy seniors, if I weren't suffering from a middle-aged moment right this very second!

Excuse me, while I go and begin my memory exercises .  Now let's see, Quentin Collins I was married to that harridan, Samantha Drew Collins, and Quentin Collins II was married to that gypsy woman, Julianka...or was he married to Maria Ouspensya....?

A nonplussed Dr. Hoffman realizes that she may have ordered just a tad too much Type-A blood for the Wyndcliff Hospital blood bank supply!