Congratulations, Annie!
Yes, retirement is great. You can shop at stores like Target, Bed, Bath & Beyond and Brewster’s Department Store at off-hours like 11:00 AM and practically have the whole store to yourself.
You can frequent your local library to read the local newspapers and national magazines like Time, Vanity Fair, Salon and The American Spectator. (They’re still available in hard copy? Amazing!) Of course, you’ll now have plenty of time to request and read the latest bestsellers at the library like “Billy Summers” by Stephen King, “The President’s Daughter” by Bill Clinton and James Patterson, “Killing the Mob” by Bill O’Reilly and “Leadership Lessons from the COVID-19 Pandemic” by Andrew Cuomo. (Okay, I guess you can cross that very last book off of your reading list!)
Making appointments to visit your local health care specialists, like your primary care physician, your gastroenterologist, your dermatologist, your ENT specialist, your chiropractor, your urologist, your ob/gyn, your ophthalmologist and dentist, will be be so much easier and convenient now. And, just think, you’ll meet plenty of nice people your own age group in all of those doctors’ waiting room and you’ll be able to discuss all of your aches, pains, reactions to prescribed medications, medical procedures and general kvetches with so many kindred and like-minded spirits!
You’ll now be able to go to the newest and trendiest restaurants in town on your own time; you can also frequent some of the popular, long-established local restaurants, perhaps even making it on time for the early-bird senior citizen specials, like at The Collinsport Inn Coffee Shop. (The local “Young At Heart Collinsport Club,” including Sarah Johnson, Judge Crathorne, Professor T. Elliott Stokes and the Eagle Hill Cemetery caretaker are like Collinsport’s geriatric “answer” to the Algonquian Round Table by their daily presence at the early-bird specials at the late (?) Burke Devlin’s semi-permanent Collinsport residence.
Yes, now that you’re retired, you’ll now have plenty of time to bask in the “golden years.” You’ll find that Frank Sinatra’s hit, “It Was A Very Good Year” has taken a new meaning to you, with its poignant and pithy lyrics. Sadly, you’ll find yourself, almost instinctively, heading right to the obituary section of the on-line edition of your local newspaper, to learn which ones of your former grade school and high school classmates, your former coworkers and lifelong friends have departed this mortal coil.
What am I saying? My God, I’m describing the venerable Ezra Braithewaite’s nonagenarian life!!! Oh, I’m feeling like the Garden State’s next incarnation of Uncle Corrado “Junior” Soprano! Please excuse me while I take my daily dosage of 81-mg-aspirin and Metamucil, washed down with a particularly potent shot of prune juice.
Bob, the aging bartender
