Only On A Show Like DS!

While watching Ep #447 today, I was amused by the exchange between Joshua and Barnabas where Barnabas tries to warn Joshua that Angelique will try to prevent Joshua from helping him because she wants the curse to go on. When Joshua realizes Barnabas is warning him about Angelique, he blurts out that he thought Barnabas had killed her, to which Barnabas replies:

"I told you I killed her. I didn't say she was dead."

Only on a show like DS could such a line and such a distinction make even the slightest bit of sense!    And that got me to thinking what other bits of dialogue are just as equally absurd as to only make sense on DS? Anyone care to share their favorites?

And that got me to thinking what other bits of dialogue are just as equally absurd as to only make sense on DS? Anyone care to share their favorites?

How 'bout when Barnabas tells Joshua, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!  You can't kill me because I am already dead!"  

Ep. 538, Julia is trying to convince Barnabas that he doesn't need to fear the dawn:  "Barnabas, your heart is beating, you can feel it yourself."

A newspaper article of the period (dated May 25, 1969) included the following bit:

"Costello picked up the day's script with its opening teaser:  'Quentin confronts Laura and tries to find out if she's dead.  When she refuses to answer, he tells her there's one way to find out:  He'll kill her.'"

Not an actual line, but I think it captures the "only on DS" feeling. 

I love it, ClaudeNorth!

When Eve [spoiler]time tripped to 1795 with help from Angelique, she got a very chilly reception in the jail cell from Peter Bradford, who was to be hanged for murder that same night.[/spoiler]She told Peter, "I can give you your freedom, if you go away with me."

Now that is absurd logic.  And yet, obsessive love is so commonplace on DS that we accept it without blinking an eye. 

I'm not sure if this fits, but I laughed aloud when Sebastian Shaw told Dr. Hoffman, "I'm not a prophet, Dr. Hoffman.  I'm a simple astrologer."  Classic DS line.

I'm not sure if this fits, but I laughed aloud when Sebastian Shaw told Dr. Hoffman, "I'm not a prophet, Dr. Hoffman.  I'm a simple astrologer."  Classic DS line.

I have a similar favorite line like this.  When Barnabas insists that Professor Stokes help him travel back to 1796 to save Vickie, Stokes laughs and retorts, "What do you think I am Mr. Collins?  Some sort of travel agent for time?"  

Okay, I found two more last night while watching 1897.
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[spoiler]Quentin to Charity when he's telling her that Edward is possessed and thinks he's a butler.  "He doesn't realize he's Edward Collins.  He think's he's a servant.......we've got to keep him safe until he finds himself."
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Evan to Trask when he tricks him into signing a double confession that they, not Tim, killed Minirva, and Trask throws it into the fireplace.[/spoiler]"You can't burn murder Trask.  Or drown it, or even poison it.  You can't kill murder."[/spoiler]

"I told you I killed her. I didn't say she was dead."

Only on a show like DS could such a line and such a distinction make even the slightest bit of sense!    And that got me to thinking what other bits of dialogue are just as equally absurd as to only make sense on DS? Anyone care to share their favorites?

DS has the highest score for characters who promise to "talk" to other characters about something, only they never do. (This is action as well as dialog.) Roger says, after his naughty son does some wickedness (like go to the Old House yet AGAIN after he's been told in no uncertain terms, not to!) "Allright son, go to bed. We'll talk in the morning." When will someone wake up and realize this is a lie!

Lies abounding in this show.

Maine Girl

DS has the highest score for characters who promise to "talk" to other characters about something, only they never do.

One of the best examples of this is with Professor Stokes.  He would be suspicious of things from his knowledge of the occult, and in order to get his help they would promise to tell him all after the emergency was over.  How they got out of doing so is beyond me, but they never did tell him.

These aren't conversations, people.  They're lines of dialogue in a dramatic production.

If you think soap operas move slowly as they are, can you imagine how slowly they would move if the characters  actually interacted with one another the way people do in real life?

I may relish every moment John Karlen ever spent on screen in this show....but if I had to sit through dialogue about the taxes being due on the old house, and the monkshood needing watering, and when the hell Barnabas was going to spring for indoor plumbing, I'd run screaming from the TV.

Some lines move the action forward.   Others simply get the characters out of one scene and onto the next.  Thank heavens....

DS has the highest score for characters who promise to "talk" to other characters about something, only they never do.

One of the best examples of this is with Professor Stokes.  He would be suspicious of things from his knowledge of the occult, and in order to get his help they would promise to tell him all after the emergency was over.  How they got out of doing so is beyond me, but they never did tell him.

Oh, that's a good one! I'm not as familiar with the episodes with Stokes in them, but I can imagine that many characters did quite the tap dance to avoid having to talk with him!

Maine Girl

FWIW: there's a great scene in the 1968 storyline (I think from some point in the Vampilique era) where Stokes and Julia are sitting at the chessboard in the drawing room and she asks for his help and he deftly, quietly, and definitively tells her off for all the times she's asked for his help, promised to explain, and NEVER followed through.  Great scene, and deeply satisfying on a certain level for the audience.

"Watering the monkshood"?? Rainey, I'm dying here!

G.

I may relish every moment John Karlen ever spent on screen in this show....but if I had to sit through dialogue about the taxes being due on the old house, and the monkshood needing watering, and when the hell Barnabas was going to spring for indoor plumbing, I'd run screaming from the TV.

Very true, and who's to say they didn't EVENTUALLY tell Stokes things, OFF camera?!  

I may relish every moment John Karlen ever spent on screen in this show....but if I had to sit through dialogue about the taxes being due on the old house, and the monkshood needing watering, and when the hell Barnabas was going to spring for indoor plumbing, I'd run screaming from the TV.

Very true, and who's to say they didn't EVENTUALLY tell Stokes things, OFF camera?!   

Although, BuzzH, I think that I may have mis-answered to your original post - where you are asking for direct quotes that are totally DS-based, and could never be understood in any other context. I think that's marvelous insight you have there...those kinds of statements are like the ones someone makes when someone they know is about to embark on a dangerous journey. I mean, how many among us have said, "If you die, I'll KILL you!" What a loving, logical thing to say. 

MaineGirl