Denise Nickerson -- Prayers and support needed

[Gothick]

Dear all,
I am posting Jasmine's latest update from a day or so ago on her social media page. I am sorry it is not good news.

Best wishes, Gothick

From Jasmine Nickerson:

Denise update:
Her hospital case manager says she's not any closer to coming home. Likely not for a few more days. And even after she's discharged, they want her to go back to rehab because she's regressing. $160/day while she's there.

She's being really hateful and agitated and the only thing they can do is sedate her. It's what we've been dealing with from her for awhile only we can't sedate her, we just have to let her be that way towards us. Denise acts out physically by hitting, and kicking, and spitting. That behavior was targeted towards just me for awhile but now she does it to whomever when she realizes she can't do and get what she wants when she wants it. Nurses, doctors, family. And Denise doesn't have any interests or "leverage" that we can punish her with for bad behavior other than turning off her tv and then she just takes a nap until we turn it back on and then she keeps us up all night.

We're coming to the reality that we don't think we can do this anymore. And it's devastating. We've only tried to make her comfortable and happy at her home surrounded by the things she likes and knows. That she could be with us as get family and not feel isolated in a "home." But this isn't working. We are left spinning our wheels everyday. Like, yes, the stroke negatively impacted her in significant ways, but her personality remained. The stroke caused damage to her movement and dexterity faculties but exacerbated the worst parts of her personality.

Josh and I have lived in grief and denial about this for a long time and have tried to make things work. We tried to convince ourselves that we could do this. We tried to do everything in our power to make sure that she was "good." But we are coming to the harsh reality that the best way to take care of her and take care of us is to find a new solution; for her to live in a facility that can care for her and me to go back to work so we don't end up homeless. Her staying is just putting herself in danger as she refuses to listen and us in danger as she is getting more brazen with her physical outbursts. All of her money will be depleted so she can go on Medicaid and we will sign legal rights for her care since we will no longer be in charge.

It feels like we've wasted a lot of time, money, and resources. I gave up my career. We went without health insurance until the beginning of this year when Josh could enroll us from the plan we lost when I abruptly quit to stay with her. We've put a lot of things in storage, drained our savings and 401ks to make ends meet, and put our lives and futures on hold. And even still we're guilty and broken that it's coming to this. We never wanted this for her. But we can't do it anymore.

I'm sorry. We tried.

[Mysterious Benefactor]

Sadly, this is a situation that too many children find themselves in when a parent has a stroke. My heart really goes out to them...

[Uncle Roger]

They tried, which is more than a lot of people would do.

[Josette]

That is so sad and certainly very difficult for them.  They seem to have tried a lot more than many would have.

[Annie]

So very sad but I know just how they feel, I went thru all of this when my mom
Had her stroke ,. At least later on in her yrs  . Plus taking care of my dad too
And lastly my brother who passed away in 2017 .
My prayers go out to her family, that God will give them strength.
Love Anne 😘

[Gerard]

Like Annie, I, too, know what this is like.  I mentioned it before how I had to deal with - emotionally and financially - when my mom suffered in her later years with dementia.  Care-giving drains everything out of one.  Denise's wonderful family took it as far as they could; nothing more can be expected to come from them, but all our support, love and understanding can be given to them.

Gothic. I don't know if you're in contact with Jasmine through facebook or other means, but if you are, please let her know that she and her family have all our support, love and understanding.  Their mom gave us so much joy growing up.  Her life and career enriched us all - it still does.

Gerard

[Gothick]

Hi Gerard, I am not a personal friend of Jasmine's or the family's. People who know them as well as some fans have been writing to express support. Not al the messages have been terribly helpful but some have simply said that they support the decisions Jasmine and her husband have made and have hoped Denise could get better.

Jasmine has always been very gracious. I think she and Denise's son simply have come to the end of the line, for reasons she expresses quite eloquently in her writing I have shared here.

Best wishes, Gothick

[B.Collins]

 WOW this sucks and i would really hate to be them and i hope i never am in their position at all. but i suppose if it means for her to be comfortable and can have all the help she needs.... man that sucks that she's got all that now.

[Gothick]

Folks, this is the last update I am going to post on this thread. Unfortunately Denise is getting worse. She is going through withdrawal from some medications she had to be taken off, perhaps due to health issues. The dementia that Jasmine reports on in another recent update may be in part due to neural damage from the strokes, although Jasmine also says that these behaviors occurred in Denise before she ever had any of the strokes. As Jasmine says below, Denise both is and is not aware of how she is behaving and what is going on. Unfortunately in an update from yesterday, Jasmine reports that Denise has been becoming increasingly violent, oppositional, and unreasonable and I don't have the heart to continue reading about this.

The GOOD news is that Josh and Jasmine are going to have a baby. So, life continues.

If you want to continue to follow what is happening, you can make up an account on the face book with a name that you devise thus. Let's say your best friend's dog was named Chloe and the family lived on Clifford street. So on social media you are Chloe Clifford. As long as it sounds like a plausible name and you just have the account to follow Jasmine or whoever else you wish to follow, nobody will ask any questions. There are a ton of DS fan groups on FB but you have to actually join most to see the posts. I am not friended to Jasmine--she makes these updates public.

Best wishes,

Gothick

Final update I will post from Jasmine, dated Feb.4:

Denise update:
She has not been doing well in the nursing rehab center. Not that they are doing anything wrong but Denise is being out of control. Over the past few days we've each gotten calls at all hours of the day and night where Denise has fallen from not alerting anyone she's getting up, she's refusing her medications, she's screaming, and now today she has packed her belongings and is trying to bum rush the elevator like she's coming home. When we talk to her she tells us to "F off" or she just screams in our ear until she hangs up the phone. Today she was put back in her room from her little escape escapade and when she hung up we had to call the main nursing station for her floor and it's evident she can be heard yelling and fighting from the entire floor of sick and rehabilitating patients. We're getting ready to go up there to try to calm her down because they cannot have her act like this.

So yeah... She's still regressing and this is why we're so tired and frustrated. She's aware and not. She understands and doesn't. She isn't the same and this isn't sustainable.

[dom]

Heartbreaking.

[B.Collins]

well i hope in the future you do post more but i do get you don't want to post more updates i mean each and every one. my brother's mother-in-law boyfriend Mario who got dementia and is now in a nursing home, the guy had no brain long before he even got dementia.

and yes i can joke about that but i do feel sorry for him that he did get it. he had it for a couple of years before she finally said enough is enough and i think she goes to have lunch with him there every day. but he kept on doing the same thing, now she's not any type of nurse she's not trained at all so let me add that.

but he would have just those exact side effects and i dunno how long he had well he's still alive but i dunno how bad it is now. but he really went down fast and it wasn't cause of a stroke and i don't think it was meds either as far as i know. i tried to look for updates online but i didn't find anything but news from last year when she had her stroke.

it is indeed heartbreaking, i wonder if her son is also visiting her?

[patrickm]

Jasmine posted a couple of videos on her Facebook page. One in transit from bringing Denise home from the rehab center and one with Denise after arriving home. Both were devastating. They pretty much confirmed Denise has full blown dementia. Despite attempts to reason and communicate with her, all she did was yell incoherently, hit and be totally uncooperative. You can see how crushed Jasmine and Josh are and both are at their wits end. I think they both realize Denise will have to be institutionalized very soon when her insurance is worked out. Jasmine has posted along the way about her recoveries and various setbacks since her massive stroke but seeing is believing. She definitely has regressed a lot since surviving the stroke. I most recently saw Denise at a Willie Wonka reunion at a convention here in Orlando 3 years ago. While I was taken aback by her appearance ( she was in a wheelchair and had lost a lot of weight), she was still the Denise we all knew and saw at previous festivals. To see her now it's just plain heartbreaking. You may or may not want to look at the videos Jasmine posted.

[Gerard]

As I'e stated. I dealt with my mother who had dementia.  Not to sound remose, but I hope our beloved Denise passes on soon, and her family can then continue with their lives.  Unless one has been there, no one knows what it's like.  When my mom passed away from a ten-day coma, all I could think immediately afterwards was:  "Thank god it's over."  No grief.  I had stopped grieving years before when I actually lost her.

Gerard

[Annie]

Hi Gerard I too dealt with my mom having dementa as well . Taking care of both my
Parents and my brother were tough. But I’ve managed to thank God above for the
Strength he gave me to do this all.  If I had to so I all again I would.
Hope that Denise’s family gets some relief . My Prayers are with them.
Love, Anne ❤️

[Gerard]

Annie, you are our board's sweetheart.  You and I and others here know what our beloved Denise's family is going through,  Life isn't fair and many of us have to face that.  To Denise's family, our love is with you.
'
Gerard