Perhaps his lines will go like this...
Roger (dials phone)
(Rings, answer)
Roger : IÂ Â uh, I uh
Girl on phone: Yes?
Roger: Yes, yes. Is this 1313 Elm Lane? I have a driver ready to make a delivery. Is there anyone at your address now who can sign for it.
Girl: Well, I'm getting ready to leave. Tell the driver there is no one here to sign for it.
Roger: So, uh, what do I tell the driver?
Girl: Tell him there is no one here to sign for it !
He should have this scene down.
Later he delivers the package, and sits down. The shades fall down and the door drops off the hinges.
Calmly he says, : I bet you love having company during the holidays.
Merry Christmas Roger, wherever you are!
Michael,
    Your Cousin from Virginia