The part of Ben Stokes will be played today by . . .

Originally posted by RingoCollins on the Dark Shadows: General Discussion Forum on February 26, 2002 at 13:05:25:

Michael Jackson! [rated double Sci-Fi logo]

Vicki enters the scene, sees 'Ben' kneeling by the fire, on a chrome plated knee pad, grabbing his crotch. Joshua explains that he hired 'Ben' because he was looking for able-bodied 'men', and that 'Ben' just got out of jail. Vicki asks if they put men in jail for blowing Bubbles.

Millicent will be arriving soon, so there may be TWO weddings. 'Ben' is excited, after all she will be bringing a little boy with her.

Angie is looking for a wonderful special 'herb salad' in the woods. To 'Ben': 'I thought it was Oregano' 'Ben' grabs his crotch and sez: 'They might believe it's a botany experiment'. Angie sez: 'Did I see you lifting a carrage out of a rat in the road?' 'Ben': Most women don't wanna talk to me, unless the dog-gone girl is mine. Angie sez: Wonder why? [but doesn't look confused]

Angie returns to her room with a basket of 'salad'. Vickie asks 'where have you been?' Angie: 'I was just walking in the woods and sorta lost track of time, man.' [thinks: that was close - gotta remember that 'botany experiment' line! - maybe I need some help] Cut to 'Ben' 'chopping wood' on a stump. 'easy as 1, 2, 3'

Vicki interupts 'Ben', sez Mr. Collins was being stern. 'Ben' sez 'Stern? Stuttering John, maybe, Beetlejuice, maybe, but NOT Stern!' 'Ben' sez 'Just Go Now'. Vicki sez 'Ben you keep saying that, but that was the Moody Blues' 'Ben' sez, 'Wait, that was in 1965 - how do you know THAT?' Vicki looks confused.

'Ben' hears Angies call 'Who's callin' me? Is that you Billie Jean?' - 'Ben' goes to Angie's room [Moonwalks thru the door, grabs crotch - his own of course] 'I want you back' he sez. Angie: 'My Willard is your Willard. Go get a spider web.' 'Ben' 'Wouldn't a monkey paw do?' Angie: 'Yer getting ahead of yerself, there Coun....er, Ben'

'Ben' sez 'It ain't got no head' [a surprizing SToke of good taste allows me to leave that line lie]

'Ben' sez 'I don't know nuthin about no ladies' [sometimes this show just writes these commentaries FOR Ringo!!] Angie, played in this scene by Fran Dresher sez, 'Talk to the hand'. 'Ben' sez 'I may need that later, but I'm getting a head of my self again.' Angie looks around the room for Judah Z.

--
And now a word from our sponsor: 'I'm hearing the name 'Michael' - is there anyone around you named Michael?' Caller: 'No, I've never met anyone named Michael' 'Do you have a back door?' Commercial Host: 'I don't think we should use 'Michael' and 'back door' in the same commercial - that's a different kind of crossing over.' [crossfade to John E. promo]
--
J & J are talking about Millie and TLM's arrival 'Widdle Daniel is about 10 years old now -- BEN, GET BACK UP THOSE STAIRS!!'

It't time to play 'Password':
J: 'Happiness' - J: 'Salad?'
Allen Luden: Roughly a form of the word....

Cousin Millie comes down the stairs, J sez 'Where did you get that hat??' ''Ben's' room' sez Millie, 'He's got lots of lovely things up there' J sez 'I'm catching a cold' Millie whips out a surgical mask, J sez 'Where did you get that?' Millie give him the 'ARE YOU CLUELESS?' look....

Vicki to J: 'I have the feeling I'm here to change things' J: 'Do you love yer cat, but hate to change the kitty litter?' Vicki: 'Kitty can clean up after herself, but I'm getting a head of myself.' [She looks around the room for Judah Z.]

J: 'Can you imagine ME married to Millie? That's as unbelievable as 'Ben' married to the daughter of a King!'
[entire cast and crew ROFL as credits roll]

---
[with sincere apologies to Thayer David, a true King, and Ben Stokes, one of my true faves on the whole show]

A day late George's Birthday Cheers,
Ringo
[whose last week answers the question: 'what's more boring than watching salad grow? Taking photos of people making carpet in Dalton GA.']