The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"

Hey gang,

When I first saw Count Petofi pull off the old "switcheroo" with Quentin way back in 1969, I really could not relate to Quentin's predicament.

Nevertheless, with the passage of nearly thirty-four years, I now have a different "perspective" on Quentin's superannuated state.  Here, then, are ten change of life "adjustments," that Quentin is likely to experience:

-1-  You no longer order those  sleek and stylish gabardine trousers from the Lands' End  catalog, rather you now opt for a pair of those infinitely more practical (not to mention comfortable) polyester slacks with the s-t-r-e-t-c-h elastic waist from the Haband catalog.

-2-  You can now fully relate to the pithy words of former Sen. Bob Dole, who decared in that memorable commercial: "It takes courage to talk about E.D."

-3-  Instead of looking forward to receiving the next issue of Playboy Magazine in the mail, you now look forward to receiving the next issue of the AARP Modern Maturity Magazine in the mail.

-4-  While you used to take great joy in bounding up and down that long, steep staircase in the foyer of the great house of Collinwood (with much elan, I might add!), you now give serious consideration to installing one of those extremely helpful electric stair-lifts in the Collinwood foyer.

-5-  Now that you are sporting Count Petofi's long, flowing beard and will, no doubt, have to periodically trim those bushy whiskers, you will now also have to periodically trim all of those copious hairs, sprouting out of your one-hundred-and-fifty year old ears.  (You might want to buy one of those Sharper Image Turbo-Groomer Nose and Ear Trimmers.  They really work great!)

-6-  Instead of remembering to splash on some Grey Flannel Cologne before leaving for a fun-filled evening at the Blue Whale Tavern, you now strive to remember to take your daily dose of Metamucil, before sauntering off to the checkers tournament at the Collinsport "Young At Heart" Senior Citizens Club.

-7-  If you happen to "overdo" it with too many glasses of iced tea, you will now understand what former Vice President Al Gore was talking about, when, he spoke of taking frequent "bathroom breaks" during a prolonged White House meeting.

-8-  Instead of packing for a wild and crazy trip of uninhibited, bacchanalian excess at the Sandals Resort and Spa at Negril Beach in Jamaica, you now look forward to packing for an Elder Hostel-sponsored trip to Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland, to study the works of Joyce, Shaw and Wilde.

-9-  While you used to enjoy a late-night snifter of brandy, as you listened to the evocative sounds of "Shadows Of The Night" on your grammophone player, you now enjoy a late-night glass of prune juice, as you listen to the melancholy sound of Frank Sinatra crooning "It Was A Very Good Year."

-10-  When you take that increasingly longer siesta every afternoon, you will now take a nap just like the type that President Ronald Reagan used to enjoy in the Oval Office of the White House (specifically, a nap taken alone, and, most definitely, by yourself), and NOT the kind of "communal" nap, that other presidents have been rumored to have enjoyed in the Oval Office of the White House!

Can you think of any other change of life "adjustments," that Quentin is apt to experience in his new/old body?

Bob the Bartender, who thinks, that many of the celebrities at last night's Academy Awards telecast, are, no doubt, experiencing their own change of life "adjustments."

 

 He will need to purchase a slow moving vehicle emblem for his battery powered wheelchair.

He will need to remember to zip up his pants when he leaves the men's room

He will need to make sure he doesn't have toilet paper hanging down the rear of his trousers when he leaves the aforementioned men's room.  ( I actually saw an old duffer going down the street like this once.)

Needs his own blood pressure  cuff to check his blood pressure when he sees sweet young things.

Watches viagra commercials, channel surfs so he don't miss any. 

That's enough from me.
Tanis

   Holy Hats, Tanis.....are YOU in rare form!!

rainey

- 16- When he and his friends get together, the conversation will now turn to such weighty matters as blood pressure, arthritis, gout remedies and so on.

-5-  Now that you are sporting Count Petofi's long, flowing beard and will, no doubt, have to periodically trim those bushy whiskers, you will now also have to periodically trim all of those copious hairs, sprouting out of your one-hundred-and-fifty year old ears.  (You might want to buy one of those Sharper Image Turbo-Groomer Nose and Ear Trimmers.  They really work great!)
 

     Well, Bob, you have succeeded in making Count Petofi even more repulsive to me.  I feel more sorry for Quentin now than when he was cursed with "wolfism'.  He now is cursed with "geezerism".  Poor old fart.

Thanks for a great laugh.  I have to stop reading things like this at work - everyone wants to know what's so funny.

Hey gang,

I find it extremely difficult to even imagine the extent of Quentin's rage over this raw deal with Count Petofi.

Consider this, originally, Quentin was going to achieve immortality (and avoid the curse of the full moon) as a result of Tate's magical portrait of him (under the blessing/influence of the count).  Quentin would always stay young, keep all of his hair and his teeth, and, of course, always be able to "function" as a twenty-eight-year-old man in the prime of his life.

However, now since the Petofi "switcheroo,"  Quentin has only osteoporosis, hearing and sight loss and an unrelenting case of constipation to look forward to.  What a bummer!

By the way, if Amanda Harris suddenly returned to Collinsport, do you think (in a very rare case, for Ms. Harris, of selfless and caring love for her man), she would still be willing to accept Quentin (albeit, a very hoary one) as the one, true love of her life?  (Methinks not!)

Bob the Bartender, who hopes that everything is still copacetic with the J.Lo./Ben Affleck romance.

When in the group of his peers he will get to take part in the count the number of medications he needs to take to maintain his lovely form.

He will have to remember where to find the depends in the local food store or pharmacy.

Birdie--all this talk scares me.  It is too funny..  Is it a sign that I now like Frank Sinatra when I never gave a hoot about him before?

Birdie--all this talk scares me.  It is too funny..  Is it a sign that I now like Frank Sinatra when I never gave a hoot about him before?

It happens to the best of us, Birdie! Welcome to this side of the hill, lol.

dom

Needs his own blood pressure  cuff to check his blood pressure when he sees sweet young things.

He'll also need it every time he tells someone who he really is.

And thanks, Birdie, for that image of him having to go to the pharmacy to buy Depends.  I can picture the end of a scene where the pharmacist has just told the old man that they're all out of Depends.  Tight shot on Q/P's face while he exclaims (urgently), "I need my Depends!", (agonizingly) "I need my Depends!", and then (sorrowfully) "I ... need ... my ... Depends."

Cue music.  Cut to commercial.

Ben

heehee Bob he also be on commericials toting insurance for "elders" ala Mickey Rooney!
Poor Quentin as i said before the shock of being in Petofi's
body should have killed him and having to hang out with Aristede (he of little brain) would have been another downer!
jennifer
and Birdie we have a long way to go!

Oh, this is so hilarious...just one tiny addition if you don't mind Ben...

And thanks, Birdie, for that image of him having to go to the pharmacy to buy Depends.

I can picture the end of a scene where the pharmacist has just told the old man that they're all out of Depends.
Tight shot on Q/P's face while he exclaims (urgently), "I need my Depends!",
(agonizingly) "I need my Depends!", and then (sorrowfully) "I ... need ... my ... Depends."

Collapses on floor in frustration.

Cue music.  Cut to commercial.
Ben

You guys are all killing me with this thread!

You guys are all killing me with this thread!

And YOU damn near killed me with that PHOTO!! 

rainey.....

CastleBee!

 

 

Hey gang,

I particularly liked Jennifer's suggestion concerning that Mickey Rooney commercial touting life insurance to cover life's final expenses for senior citizens.  How about that commercial where you see a very nice elderly man or woman, informing us that they are getting insurance to spare their grown children the cost of their funeral expenses?  I can almost see another one now...

The commercial opens with a scene of a young man, wearing a formal black jacket with gray trousers, and with a pair of pince-nez glasses resting on his aquiline nose.  The rather sad-looking man (with his hair parted in the middle) is looking down on a grave that he has just finished filling up with dirt .  (An off-screen announcer informs us that this fellow is Carlton Weeks, twenty-five-year-old caretaker and archivist  for the Eagle Hill Cemetery.)  The saturnine chap looks up into the camera and says:

"Yup, it sure is a darned shame that I had to bury that nice, old, chubby feller in an unmarked grave in the potter's field section of the cemetery.  I mean, all the old geezer had in the way of wordly possessions were some I-Ching wands and a grammophone recording  of 'Shadows Of the Night.'  Not very much to cover those final expenses, mind you."

"Folks, don't let this happen to you.  Please do what jeweler Ezra Braithewaite, renowned painter C.D. Tate, and yours truly, have already done.  Call the good people at the Penobscot Insurance Company and find out about getting a policy to cover life's final expenses, while you're still young and kicking.  Heck, my good buddy Ezra and I plan on hanging around for, at least, another seventy years or so!"