A Heartfelt Suggestion for Dr. H.

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Originally posted by Bob the Bartender on the Dark Shadows: General Discussion Forum on February 08, 2002 at 09:26:39:

I was surprised to see the usually unflappable Dr. Hoffman seemingly "lose it," when Barnabas began to age very rapidly. However, I was moved by Julia's selfless offer to act as Mr. B.'s "cure" for his superannuated condition. I would like to offer Julia another suggestion to aid the aged and excessively wrinkled resident of the Old House:

• 1. Utilize topical applications of Oil of Olay and Nivea.
• 2. Give Barnabas a milk bath (use only whole milk).
• 3. Familiarize Barnabas with the use of Just For Men hair dye (it takes only five minutes!).
• 4. Drive to Bloomingdales and buy the store's entire supply of L'Oreal's Age Perfect Cream (share one half of the product with the reclusive painter Charles Delaware Tate).
• 5. When preparing the next portion of her secret formula to cure Barnabas, add Shalimar Body Lotion to the concoction.

[Julia99]

Posted by Julia99 on February 08, 2002 at 09:51:47:
In Reply to: A Heartfelt Suggestion for Dr. H. posted by Bob the Bartender on February 08, 2002 at 09:26:39:

I think Julia was screaming more for the following reasons: (1) she's not as good a doctor as she thought and (2) she's gonna DIE in 5 mins when he wakes up!

J99

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Posted by Bob the Bartender on February 08, 2002 at 14:50:51:
In Reply to: Re: A Heartfelt Suggestion for Dr. H. posted by Julia99 on February 08, 2002 at 09:51:47:

Dear Julia99,

Perhaps the good Dr. Hoffman neglected to upgrade the amount of her medical malpractice insurance. Come to think of it, maybe Barnabas should make an appointment for a free consultation with Mr. Tony Petersen, Esq.

Tony would receive a one third contingency fee of any money that Barnabas was awarded at trial. (If that happened, maybe Julia would have to get an equity loan on Wyndcliff to make Mr. B. go away!)

Sincerely yours,

Bob the Bartender

PS Maybe Barnabas might be well served by getting a second legal opinion from our friend/counsellor, Ben.

[Ben]

Posted by Ben on February 08, 2002 at 19:58:31:
In Reply to: Re: A Heartfelt Suggestion for Dr. H. posted by Bob the Bartender on February 08, 2002 at 14:50:51:

How thoughtful of you to send a client referral my way, Bob the B!

I see two concerns here. First, Barnabas would need to appear at the trial, so that he can show the jury the results of Dr. H's alleged malpractice. Unfortunately, unless the trial is held at night (most trials are not), Barnabas could not attend.

Second, there is the possibility that Barnabas could appear via a videotaped evidence deposition, wherein his testimony could be recorded in advance of the trial and simply shown to the jury on a video monitor. Although technically possible, having Barnabas appear only on videotape and not in open court would start jurors wondering whether he is all that interested in his case -- that is, if a videocam could capture his reflected image any better than a mirror ...

Ben
(bracing myself to be strangled by Barnabas when I break this news to him)

[mfmdpt]

Posted by mfmiozza on February 08, 2002 at 21:35:38:
In Reply to: Re: A Heartfelt Suggestion for Dr. H. posted by Ben on February 08, 2002 at 19:58:31:

Bob the Barttender's

I would like to offer Julia another suggestion to aid the aged and excessively wrinkled resident of the Old House:

This list is hystercal!

Ben
(bracing myself to be strangled by Barnabas when I break this news to him)

You're too much.