DARK SHADOWS FORUMS

General Discussions => Current Talk Archive => Current Talk '24 I => Current Talk '03 I => Topic started by: Bob_the_Bartender on March 25, 2003, 02:25:45 AM

Title: The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on March 25, 2003, 02:25:45 AM: Hey gang,

When I first saw Count Petofi pull off the old "switcheroo" with Quentin way back in 1969, I really could not relate to Quentin's predicament.

Nevertheless, with the passage of nearly thirty-four years, I now have a different "perspective" on Quentin's superannuated state. Here, then, are ten change of life "adjustments," that Quentin is likely to experience:

-1- You no longer order those sleek and stylish gabardine trousers from the Lands' End catalog, rather you now opt for a pair of those infinitely more practical (not to mention comfortable) polyester slacks with the s-t-r-e-t-c-h elastic waist from the Haband catalog.

-2- You can now fully relate to the pithy words of former Sen. Bob Dole, who decared in that memorable commercial: "It takes courage to talk about E.D."

-3- Instead of looking forward to receiving the next issue of Playboy Magazine in the mail, you now look forward to receiving the next issue of the AARP Modern Maturity Magazine in the mail.

-4- While you used to take great joy in bounding up and down that long, steep staircase in the foyer of the great house of Collinwood (with much elan, I might add!), you now give serious consideration to installing one of those extremely helpful electric stair-lifts in the Collinwood foyer.

-5- Now that you are sporting Count Petofi's long, flowing beard and will, no doubt, have to periodically trim those bushy whiskers, you will now also have to periodically trim all of those copious hairs, sprouting out of your one-hundred-and-fifty year old ears. (You might want to buy one of those Sharper Image Turbo-Groomer Nose and Ear Trimmers. They really work great!)

-6- Instead of remembering to splash on some Grey Flannel Cologne before leaving for a fun-filled evening at the Blue Whale Tavern, you now strive to remember to take your daily dose of Metamucil, before sauntering off to the checkers tournament at the Collinsport "Young At Heart" Senior Citizens Club.

-7- If you happen to "overdo" it with too many glasses of iced tea, you will now understand what former Vice President Al Gore was talking about, when, he spoke of taking frequent "bathroom breaks" during a prolonged White House meeting.

-8- Instead of packing for a wild and crazy trip of uninhibited, bacchanalian excess at the Sandals Resort and Spa at Negril Beach in Jamaica, you now look forward to packing for an Elder Hostel-sponsored trip to Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland, to study the works of Joyce, Shaw and Wilde.

-9- While you used to enjoy a late-night snifter of brandy, as you listened to the evocative sounds of "Shadows Of The Night" on your grammophone player, you now enjoy a late-night glass of prune juice, as you listen to the melancholy sound of Frank Sinatra crooning "It Was A Very Good Year."

-10- When you take that increasingly longer siesta every afternoon, you will now take a nap just like the type that President Ronald Reagan used to enjoy in the Oval Office of the White House (specifically, a nap taken alone, and, most definitely, by yourself), and NOT the kind of "communal" nap, that other presidents have been rumored to have enjoyed in the Oval Office of the White House!

Can you think of any other change of life "adjustments," that Quentin is apt to experience in his new/old body?

Bob the Bartender, who thinks, that many of the celebrities at last night's Academy Awards telecast, are, no doubt, experiencing their own change of life "adjustments."
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Tanis on March 25, 2003, 03:37:19 AM: He will need to purchase a slow moving vehicle emblem for his battery powered wheelchair.

He will need to remember to zip up his pants when he leaves the men's room

He will need to make sure he doesn't have toilet paper hanging down the rear of his trousers when he leaves the aforementioned men's room. ( I actually saw an old duffer going down the street like this once.)

Needs his own blood pressure cuff to check his blood pressure when he sees sweet young things.

Watches viagra commercials, channel surfs so he don't miss any. ;D

That's enough from me.
Tanis
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Raineypark on March 25, 2003, 01:40:11 PM: [lghy] Holy Hats, Tanis.....are YOU in rare form!!

rainey
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Luciaphile on March 25, 2003, 03:15:13 PM: - 16- When he and his friends get together, the conversation will now turn to such weighty matters as blood pressure, arthritis, gout remedies and so on.
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: onyx_treasure on March 25, 2003, 03:24:49 PM: Quote from: Bob_the_Bartender on March 25, 2003, 02:25:45 AM

-5- Now that you are sporting Count Petofi's long, flowing beard and will, no doubt, have to periodically trim those bushy whiskers, you will now also have to periodically trim all of those copious hairs, sprouting out of your one-hundred-and-fifty year old ears. (You might want to buy one of those Sharper Image Turbo-Groomer Nose and Ear Trimmers. They really work great!)

Well, Bob, you have succeeded in making Count Petofi even more repulsive to me. I feel more sorry for Quentin now than when he was cursed with "wolfism'. He now is cursed with "geezerism". Poor old fart.
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Julian on March 25, 2003, 05:23:16 PM: Thanks for a great laugh. I have to stop reading things like this at work - everyone wants to know what's so funny.
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on March 25, 2003, 11:11:11 PM: Hey gang,

I find it extremely difficult to even imagine the extent of Quentin's rage over this raw deal with Count Petofi.

Consider this, originally, Quentin was going to achieve immortality (and avoid the curse of the full moon) as a result of Tate's magical portrait of him (under the blessing/influence of the count). Quentin would always stay young, keep all of his hair and his teeth, and, of course, always be able to "function" as a twenty-eight-year-old man in the prime of his life.

However, now since the Petofi "switcheroo," Quentin has only osteoporosis, hearing and sight loss and an unrelenting case of constipation to look forward to. What a bummer!

By the way, if Amanda Harris suddenly returned to Collinsport, do you think (in a very rare case, for Ms. Harris, of selfless and caring love for her man), she would still be willing to accept Quentin (albeit, a very hoary one) as the one, true love of her life? (Methinks not!)

Bob the Bartender, who hopes that everything is still copacetic with the J.Lo./Ben Affleck romance.
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Birdie on March 26, 2003, 01:17:26 AM: When in the group of his peers he will get to take part in the count the number of medications he needs to take to maintain his lovely form.

He will have to remember where to find the depends in the local food store or pharmacy.

Birdie--all this talk scares me. It is too funny.. Is it a sign that I now like Frank Sinatra when I never gave a hoot about him before?
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: dom on March 26, 2003, 08:59:10 AM: Quote from: Birdie on March 26, 2003, 01:17:26 AM
Birdie--all this talk scares me. It is too funny.. Is it a sign that I now like Frank Sinatra when I never gave a hoot about him before?

It happens to the best of us, Birdie! Welcome to this side of the hill, lol.

dom
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Ben on March 26, 2003, 02:08:37 PM: Quote from: Tanis on March 25, 2003, 03:37:19 AM
Needs his own blood pressure cuff to check his blood pressure when he sees sweet young things.
He'll also need it every time he tells someone who he really is.

And thanks, Birdie, for that image of him having to go to the pharmacy to buy Depends. I can picture the end of a scene where the pharmacist has just told the old man that they're all out of Depends. Tight shot on Q/P's face while he exclaims (urgently), "I need my Depends!", (agonizingly) "I need my Depends!", and then (sorrowfully) "I ... need ... my ... Depends."

Cue music. Cut to commercial.

Ben
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: jennifer on March 26, 2003, 02:47:16 PM: heehee Bob he also be on commericials toting insurance for "elders" ala Mickey Rooney!
Poor Quentin as i said before the shock of being in Petofi's
body should have killed him and having to hang out with Aristede (he of little brain) would have been another downer!
jennifer
and Birdie we have a long way to go! ;D
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: CastleBee on March 26, 2003, 09:46:09 PM: Oh, this is so hilarious...just one tiny addition if you don't mind Ben...

Quote from: Ben on March 26, 2003, 02:08:37 PM
And thanks, Birdie, for that image of him having to go to the pharmacy to buy Depends.

I can picture the end of a scene where the pharmacist has just told the old man that they're all out of Depends.
Tight shot on Q/P's face while he exclaims (urgently), "I need my Depends!",
(agonizingly) "I need my Depends!", and then (sorrowfully) "I ... need ... my ... Depends."

Collapses on floor in frustration.

(http://castlebee.bravepages.com/QPetofi01.jpg)

Quote
Cue music. Cut to commercial.
Ben

You guys are all killing me with this thread!
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Raineypark on March 26, 2003, 09:54:56 PM: Quote from: CastleBee on March 26, 2003, 09:46:09 PM
You guys are all killing me with this thread!

And YOU damn near killed me with that PHOTO!! [lghy]

rainey.....
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: dom on March 26, 2003, 10:42:15 PM: CastleBee!

[jawdrp] [lol3] [lol2] [rollr] [shockeyes] [spin]
[a0d0] [wow] [thumb] [okb] [oky] [okg] [laugh]
[lghy] [gring] [grinb] [rollb] [lghb] [lghg] [eek]
[scrm] [crowdhappy] [clap] [cheesyb]
[chkyg] [chkyy] [chkyb] [bigok] :D ;D :o
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on March 26, 2003, 11:33:15 PM: Hey gang,

I particularly liked Jennifer's suggestion concerning that Mickey Rooney commercial touting life insurance to cover life's final expenses for senior citizens. How about that commercial where you see a very nice elderly man or woman, informing us that they are getting insurance to spare their grown children the cost of their funeral expenses? I can almost see another one now...

The commercial opens with a scene of a young man, wearing a formal black jacket with gray trousers, and with a pair of pince-nez glasses resting on his aquiline nose. The rather sad-looking man (with his hair parted in the middle) is looking down on a grave that he has just finished filling up with dirt . (An off-screen announcer informs us that this fellow is Carlton Weeks, twenty-five-year-old caretaker and archivist for the Eagle Hill Cemetery.) The saturnine chap looks up into the camera and says:

"Yup, it sure is a darned shame that I had to bury that nice, old, chubby feller in an unmarked grave in the potter's field section of the cemetery. I mean, all the old geezer had in the way of wordly possessions were some I-Ching wands and a grammophone recording of 'Shadows Of the Night.' Not very much to cover those final expenses, mind you."

"Folks, don't let this happen to you. Please do what jeweler Ezra Braithewaite, renowned painter C.D. Tate, and yours truly, have already done. Call the good people at the Penobscot Insurance Company and find out about getting a policy to cover life's final expenses, while you're still young and kicking. Heck, my good buddy Ezra and I plan on hanging around for, at least, another seventy years or so!"
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Tanis on March 27, 2003, 03:48:45 AM: Don't have anything better to do so here are some more.

Christmas list: cane,walker, wheelchair, gift certificate to a nursing home. Needs the cane to fend off the old ladies who give him the eye.

Bib so he doesn't slobber on his shirt.

Container for his false teeth at night. If it's cold he can put them out in the hall so when they chatter they don't keep him awake.

Suppositories for-----oh you know, preperation H to use after the suppositories.

Hearing aid, magnifying glass so he gets the batteries in the right place.

Shouldn't keep the hearing aid and the suppositories on the same shelf. Could make an embarrasing mistake.

Fixodent for his false teeth. Baby food in case the teeth don't fit right.

Granny square lap robe for his legs. Just couldn't get rid of that granny square thing.

An elderly Dr. Hoffman spooning his vitimans into his mouth with a shakey hand, another reason for the bib.

I had better quit. :D

Tanis
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Raineypark on March 27, 2003, 04:17:49 AM: Could sombody please smack Dom's hands the next time he gets silly with the Smileys? [twch2]

And Bob....stop watching those late-night insurance commercials.....if you can't find a decent Fellini movie, shut the TV off and go to bed!! [8371]

rainey
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Ben on March 27, 2003, 04:31:58 AM: Quote from: CastleBee on March 26, 2003, 09:46:09 PM
just one tiny addition if you don't mind Ben...

Collapses on floor in frustration.
(http://castlebee.bravepages.com/QPetofi01.jpg)

Don't mind at all, Castlebee! Your "tiny addition" is priceless!

I know there's another thread discussing Petofi's nose, but after seeing this Petofi-pic, I'm convinced that the rest of his head had to be fake, too ... 8)

Ben
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Connie on March 27, 2003, 05:56:05 AM: Quote from: Tanis on March 27, 2003, 03:48:45 AM
Shouldn't keep the hearing aid and the suppositories on the same shelf. Could make an embarrasing mistake.

LOL. You guys are too much.

Ya know, it seems to me that Quentin has been surprisingly silent about what it's like being in that body. If I were him, I think I'd be inclined to do some things - like shave off the beard, change the hair (that coif has GOT to go), maybe get a few tattoos....you know? Sort of a way of getting back at Petofi when he's hopefully able to get his own body back.

Castlebee -- LOVE the picture!! [lghg]
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Cassandra on March 27, 2003, 09:18:22 AM: Castlebee!!!
That was priceless!!!! [thumb]

Cassandra[/font]
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on March 27, 2003, 03:42:57 PM: Raineypark,

I was watching Federico's Fellini's "La Dolce Vita," featuring Marcello Mastroianni, Anouk Aimee and the unbelievably zaftic Anita Ekberg on AMC the other night, and, wouldn't you know it, those shameless shysters over there on AMC, interrupted this classic flick with the following lousy commercial:

The phone begins to ring in the drawing room of Collinwood. The always urbane and sophisticated Edward Collins picks up the receiver and says in that rich, mellifluous voice of his: "Hello, this is Edward Collins, Collinsport's most eligible bachelor and a living testament to the practice of eugenics, speaking."

The scene shifts to the Collins caretaker's cottage. We see a corpulent and elderly man lying on the floor and stuggling mightily to speak in his enervated and raspy voice: "Hello, Eddie, this is Quentin, I mean...Count Petofi. I've fallen and I can't get up!"

The scene now shifts to the drawing room of the Old House. The learned Judge Cornelius Crathorne, (a/k/a/ House Jameson, by the way, do you think that there is possibly also a "Bungalow" and "Outhouse" Jameson in the Jameson family?), attired in his black judicial robes, stares into the camera and declares with great solemnity: "Ladies and gentleman of the jury, don't let this happen to one of your aged loved ones. Get the First Alert Home Security Monitor and achieve some peace of mind now!"

And, now back to "La Dolce Vita" to be then followed by the witty and drolly amusing "McHale's Navy Joins the Air Force," starring Tim Conway, Joe Flynn, Carl Ballantine and that always uproariously bumptious and boorish oaf, Michael Moore."

Bob the Bartender, faithful reader of Premiere Magazine.
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: jennifer on March 27, 2003, 03:54:15 PM: Quote from: Bob_the_Bartender on March 25, 2003, 11:11:11 PM
By the way, if Amanda Harris suddenly returned to Collinsport, do you think (in a very rare case, for Ms. Harris, of selfless and caring love for her man), she would still be willing to accept Quentin (albeit, a very hoary one) as the one, true love of her life? (Methinks not!)

Bob the Bartender, who hopes that everything is still copacetic with the J.Lo./Ben Affleck romance.

i agree with you on Amanda Bob !

spoilers
since when she is Olivia Corey she has a few pictures of just HER around! Wow she loves the inner soul doesn't she???
and if Ben traded bodies with Kirk Douglas i think JLo would flee!
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Annie on March 27, 2003, 04:08:09 PM: What a riot of a pic !!! Itmade me laugh!!!
The Q-man should get a hair cut and lose
some weight perhaps working out at a Gym??
I know i could sure start working out myself!
( ONLY IF THE Q-MAN WERE MY PERSONAL
TRAINER)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lvoe Anne ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on March 27, 2003, 04:21:33 PM: Jennifer,

If the truth be told, if Ben Affleck traded bodies with Michael, Eric, or, for that matter, any other member of the Douglas family, the comely Ms. J.Lo. would probably catch the first train smoking out of town!

Bob the Bartender, who thinks, after watching the stunning Angelique and the dazzling Aristede in that cave today, wouldn't they have made the perfect couple to walk out on the stage and present the award for "Best Narcissist" at the Academy Awards the other night?
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: Raineypark on March 27, 2003, 06:02:07 PM: Quote from: Bob_the_Bartender on March 27, 2003, 04:21:33 PM
....wouldn't they have made the perfect couple to walk out on the stage and present the award for "Best Narcissist" at the Academy Awards the other night?

Sweet Mother.....how on EARTH could thay possibly pick ONE narcissist out of THAT crowd??

And Santa Maria, Roberto.....what kind of a malatesta cuts up a Fellini film with commercials?! [crazd]

rainey
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: jennifer on March 28, 2003, 06:19:56 AM: Quote from: Bob_the_Bartender on March 27, 2003, 04:21:33 PM
Jennifer,

If the truth be told, if Ben Affleck traded bodies with Michael, Eric, or, for that matter, any other member of the Douglas family, the comely Ms. J.Lo. would probably catch the first train smoking out of town!

Bob the Bartender, who thinks, after watching the stunning Angelique and the dazzling Aristede in that cave today, wouldn't they have made the perfect couple to walk out on the stage and present the award for "Best Narcissist" at the Academy Awards the other night?

ROTFL Bob you are priceless after a hard night at work it is great to read such funny posts DID I mention that this day S*cked!thanks and i do agree with you about JLo ! i bet she
has a few pictures of herself around(aka Oliva Corey)! poor Ben
i'm begining to feel sorry for him!Thanks again!

jennifer
and oh Castle Bee that picture was priceless!thanks too!
Title: Re:The Q-Man's Top Ten Change of Life "Adjustments"
Post by: jennifer on March 28, 2003, 06:21:58 AM: Quote from: Raineypark on March 27, 2003, 06:02:07 PM
Quote from: Bob_the_Bartender on March 27, 2003, 04:21:33 PM
....wouldn't they have made the perfect couple to walk out on the stage and present the award for "Best Narcissist" at the Academy Awards the other night?

Sweet Mother.....how on EARTH could thay possibly pick ONE narcissist out of THAT crowd??

rainey

heehee notice that this year more of the woman were covered up! ;)

jennifer