DARK SHADOWS FORUMS
General Discussions => Current Talk Archive => Current Talk '24 I => Current Talk '07 I => Topic started by: Mark Rainey on April 24, 2007, 01:11:36 AM
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(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v665/damnedrodan/BarnabusQuentinAndTheBodySnatchers.jpg)
I picked this one up on Ebay some time ago, and I decided to read it this weekend.
You know, those Ross novels were never meant to be sophisticated literature and all, but I gotta tell you, I think I may have discovered the single worst book ever written. Even worse than Kathy Ptacek's Gila, which, frankly, I never expected to see displaced as the mostest awfulest book that ever was.
Quentin masquerades as world-famous rock star Jim James, but no one has ever seen his face. One of Roger's friends discovers a planet called Velva, which is populated by Velvetians. Velvetians kidnap Roger and friend and install themselves at Collinwood. (Elizabeth deduces this as early as page 21, when she confides to Barnabas: "I've been obsessed with the idea that some sort of plane landed in the fields near here...and someone who was on it entered this house and took Roger captive. Then this mysterious someone had Roger sent away on that plane while he installed himself here in his place!") Elizabeth confides the same to Julia, who -- instead of wondering if Elizabeth is in her cups -- quickly determines that Roger has gone insane (with an exclamation point). Barnabas and Quentin, though, being special and all, figure out the aliens plan and turn the tables on them.
Good God. Good God....
Yes. This is the Plan Nine From Outer Space of all pulp novels. I'm certain of it.
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::)
Oh, come on Mark, is this any sillier than the Dream Curse, or the Summer of 1970 on DS?
Suspend your belief & have fun~~
just as you would with any DS episode or an Ed Wood movie!
(Plan 9, .while poorly written/acted does have some stunning visuals. Check out the lighting in the graveyard!)
David
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Believe me, I had fun with it. I also watched Bigfoot, with John Carradine, John Mitchum, and Doodles Weaver. (http://lovelylittlegirls.com/z/doodles_weaver-eleanor_rigby.mp3) I was in a mood for cheese.
Dream curse? Summer of 70? Dude, in comparison, those are Edgar Allan Poe at his finest. ;)
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One of Roger's friends discovers a planet called Velva, which is populated by Velvetians.
Does this mean that Velveeta cheese comes from outer space?
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Good God. Good God....
Yes. This is the Plan Nine From Outer Space of all pulp novels. I'm certain of it.
OH, Mark.....you made my night......... I'm still laughing......... [stfl]
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(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v665/damnedrodan/McCarthy.jpg)
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Are you ready for this, Mark? Are you sitting down? Hold onto your hat. Barnabas, Quentin and the Body Snatchers was the very first Ross DS novel that I bought and read! I still remember that part about the space ships being invisible!
Gerard
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sounds cheesy.
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We gotta remember the audience for these novels...not the general public, but a bunch of pre-pubescent kids who ran home from school to watch DS, and who never even heard of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, since that (and other) '50s movies weren't easily available on TV back the late 60s/early 70s. (As I recall, my favorite Ross novel was "The Peril of Barnabas Collins" because there were some paragraphs about a carriage traveliing cross country to Maine...or something like that. It was my first DS novel, so I guess that's why it is "special." LOL.) On another SAD note--I was in Ohio last weekend to visit family, and the same elementary school from which I used to run home to watch DS has been torn down!! AHHHHH--it was only bulit in 1961 (I started 1st grade in fall of '63), but the school board tore this building down because the state gave the board money for another new school....but there's no money available to operate the new school, and the teachers have to take a cut in pay. "What's wrong with this picture?" Off-topic--sorry. Brian
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We're all doomed, Brian. This is a stupid century.
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(IMG)
Oh god, that just made my day. [laughing4]
I agree, that book is rather cheesy but all is forgiven with the other books Ross had written. I had recently bought The Demons of Barnabas Collins and I am half way through the book thinking how much emphasis Ross puts on Barnabas. With him being secretive and secluded in the show I get the impression from reading that he's a celebrity and everyone is all *gasps and points* "It's Barnabas." (o___o)
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Great to see you posting, darkenedlight. Welcome!
As for the Ross novels, I think I stopped reading them around Barnabas, Quentin and the Nightmare Assassin, which is something like book #18 (though I continued to buy them - but as I've said before, the main reason I bought any of them was just for the cover photo ;)). They're just too different from the actual show, what with Barnabas roaming all around in all different time periods when he should have been chained in his coffin. ::) So, I've never read Body Snatchers. How unfortunate (or, perhaps, very lucky) for me. :D
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One of the goofiest scenes I recall from one of the novels has the heroine (not one of the ones we're familiar with - some new damsel-in-distress set around the turn-of-the-century) looking out of a window at Collinwood and, from what I recall, in the dead of winter (with actual snow on the ground - imagine that!), sees a man walking toward the front door, all bundled up, a hat on his head. Suddenly a dog attacks him, knocking his hat off and the man turns out to be a werewolf. He growls at the dog, sending Fido running with his tail between his legs, while the werewolf puts his hat back on! (Wait - it gets better.) He then keeps walking towards the front door, disappearing from view. Shortly afterwards, there's a knock at the door. The heroine - who just saw a two-footed, monstrous wolfman walking towards the door - answers it. When she opens it, what does she see, but that bundled-up man standing there, although she can't see his wolfy face because he's all bundled up, with his recently dislodged hat on. So what did she expect? The Fuller Brushman? She screams (heroines always screamed in the Ross novel; good sets of lungs those girls had - they were also good runners, always running from something chasing them), causing the wolfman to take off the hat and unwrap the scarf and - well, low-and-behold - it's not some monster but none other than Quentin himself! Ta-da! It was just so goofy! But I loved those books. I'm in the mood to take some off the shelf and read them over again.
Gerard
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welcome, darkenedlight.
MR... I really really want that as a giant poster on my living room wall. I want people to see it without ever knowing DS. I would not explain it. There's my sense of humor, in a neat package, right there.
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As for the Ross novels, I think I stopped reading them around Barnabas, Quentin and the Nightmare Assassin, which is something like book #18 (though I continued to buy them - but as I've said before, the main reason I bought any of them was just for the cover photo ;)). They're just too different from the actual show, what with Barnabas roaming all around in all different time periods when he should have been chained in his coffin. ::) So, I've never read Body Snatchers. How unfortunate (or, perhaps, very lucky) for me. :D
Yeap, I feel the same. I just couldn't ease into the massive difference the books have from the show. Well, I bet at the time the books were a way to satisfy the audience who very much anticipated the episode when the weekend was over. Despite the odd settings Ross puts Barnabas I have to say the covers are very "eye-candy-ish." :D I liked a lot of the covers especially the book I have.
...and thanks for the welcome ;)
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Remember how in the Ross books Elizabeth was always opening up Collinwood to movie companies, ballet troupes, an underwater salvage operation, etc...Collinwood almost seemed like a Four Seasons with large groups of people coming & going!
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Does this mean that Velveeta cheese comes from outer space?
Explains why Cap'n Kirk wore a girdle.
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Seed pods full of faux aliens made entirely of Velveeta. No wonder I love that movie.
Awesome graphic, Mark! You need to do something with Plan 9 From Outer Space.
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This Ross novel is unique in that it is the only one written in the third person (all knowing) where all his other DS novels were written in the first person from the view of the herione. The House of Dark Shadows novelization is also in the third person, but that is different as it is based on the movie.
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Remember how in the Ross books Elizabeth was always opening up Collinwood to movie companies, ballet troupes, an underwater salvage operation, etc...Collinwood almost seemed like a Four Seasons with large groups of people coming & going!
one of the many,many off-putting things about lara parker's "the salem branch" was that liz opend up the house to tour groups.it was a very minor plot point but one that irritated me right off the bat and things just went down hill from there.
i've only read a few ross novels but i remember in one liz and roger had another brother named "professor veno".as was often the case in the early books his primary function was to torment vicki for no reason.
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This Ross novel is unique in that it is the only one written in the third person (all knowing) where all his other DS novels were written in the first person from the view of the herione. The House of Dark Shadows novelization is also in the third person, but that is different as it is based on the movie.
Joeytrom -- I think you're confusing first-person, third-person limited omniscient, and third-person omniscient. All the Ross novels are written as third-person narratives, but they're generally limited to a single character's point of view. Body Snatchers is written in third-person omniscient, relating the points of view of several different characters throughout the book; in that, it is unique. (A first-person narrative would refer to the main character as "I" rather than "he" or "she.")
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Oh Good Lord, that one. And not only was the UFO semi-invisible, it was also PINK.
I also love how in almost every book the damsel in distress ignores Barnabas' advice and manages to get herself kidnapped by the villan, who then has her locked up under the eye of [insert alcoholic beverage name here] besotted incompetents.
Personally, if you ignore the out of characterness of them, I enjoyed Barnabas, Quentin and the Grave Robbers,and B,Q and the Magic Potion the most enjoyable (out of the books I've read so far).
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welcome, darkenedlight.
MR... I really really want that as a giant poster on my living room wall. I want people to see it without ever knowing DS. I would not explain it. There's my sense of humor, in a neat package, right there.
I would love to be able to print out a copy myself. Every time I look at that picture, I laugh hysterically. Please make it available for copy. PLEASE!!!!
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You can snag it from right here:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v665/damnedrodan/McCarthy.jpg
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;D
RE: Elizabeth opening the house to movie
companies:
reminds me of an amusing thread we had here a month or so ago
regarding the 1975 porn flick The Story of Joanna, which was actually shot at Seaview Terrace!
Did Liz know about this?
I heard that Abigail's ghost visited that set to tell them how SHOCKINGLY IMMODEST they were!
David
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I heard that Abigail's ghost visited that set to tell them how SHOCKINGLY IMMODEST they were!
Far more shockingly immodest than Vicki's '60s clothes, that's for sure! [lghy]
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You can snag it from right here:
Thank you, Mark!!!!
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Plan 9, .while poorly written/acted does have some stunning visuals. Check out the lighting in the graveyard!
It's so good to hear someone else feels that way. I understand why people make fun of Wood, I do it too, cause it's fun. But I never tire of watching his films, because they can be appreciated on different levels. Sure they're incompetently produced, but they also contain moments that are...well, really good. I've watched PLAN 9 an excessive amount of times to say the least, but I always seem to notice some amusing detail that I never noticed before, sometimes it's another goof or flub that escaped me before, but often it's a moment of brilliance! It's an amazing film, nothing like it in the world.
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Wow, the Ross books. How well I remember them. Bought all of them, still have them around here someplace. I did draw the line at the collection of vampire and werewolf stories, despite the claim that they had been personally selected by Barnabas and Quentin. Just like Samantha Stephens had recommended Rosemary's Baby.
Having stumbled onto DS in mid 1968, I thought that the books would give me the back story on the characters. Pretty obviously not, huh. Did Roger and Elizabeth disown their brother Mark and his daughter Linda? Did she change her name to Daphne and show up for the 1991 version?
And the invisible pink spaceship! From the planet of poor taste, I suppose. Where is Wonder Woman with her invisible plane when you need her?
Some years ago, Geoffrey Hamell wrote a short but quite clever takeoff on the Ross novels titled Barnabas, Quentin and the Zombies' Nose. It appeared in TWODS years ago. The heroine, a Miss Bornrich, is attacked by the even popular Hare and the ever so evil Dr. Adolph Hogsbreath. Carolyn informs our heroine that Quentin is a master of disguise and could among them right now. She adds that once he was married to Roger for six months before anyone caught on.
Let me assure you that this Uncle Roger would have caught on long before that. But I probably would have gone along with it anyway because it would be like getting the milk for free.
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Even though "Marilyn Ross" was actually a man, whenever I picture "her" sitting at a typewriter and clacking away those Barnabas, Quentin and... novels she lookes like Richie Cunningham's mother.
Gerard
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Who's to say that Roger Collins hadn't caught on early in the game.....
I have some of the books and haven't re-read them yet. I bought 10 via Amazon, and it cost me about 100.00 because of postage and the price of the books from DIFFERENT vendors. I have the first 10 and HODS (which cost me 20.00.) Would like to start reading them on Sunday while relaxing. I would like to start with the one with Chris Jennings and sister (title escapes me now). I believe it's set in 1909.
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I know the one that you're referring to, Willie. It's called The Foe of Barnabas Collins. Amy doesn't appear in this one, although she does show up as a minor character in some of the later books. It does feature the only appearance of Angelique, who tortures Barnabas by looking exactly the same as she did in Martinique. With olive skin and jet black hair. Perfect if your concept of Angelique is Anna Magnani. Josette also appears as a soft blue light. This is apparently before she found steady work promoting specials at Kmart.
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You know it's amazing that I'm a DS fan at all. My first exposure to DS was through the novels. The first one I ever read was "The Mystery of Collilnwood" and the second was the subject of this thread. I eventually found and read each and everyone. I don't know what it was that hooked me. They are so poorly written!! I started watching the show in syndication less than a month later, but I doubt I would have if I'd not read the novels. It was on at 11:00 PM and I had to beg my mom to let me stay up on Fridays only.
To the person who pictured Mrs. Cunningham writing the novels..did you picture her taking up with a guy who looked like King Johnny as well??? My best friend also told me he thought that she'd written the books. He'd only looked very quickly at the Happy Days credits and was sure there was a Marilyn Ross on the show. I corrected him and told him to watch the credits the next day if he didn't believe me.
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Did Dan/Marilyn Ross make it into the Guiness Book of World Records for the number of books he turned out?
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Some years ago, Geoffrey Hamell wrote a short but quite clever takeoff on the Ross novels titled Barnabas, Quentin and the Zombies' Nose.
[rofl10]
It appeared in TWODS years ago.
Unfortunately I missed it - but...
Carolyn informs our heroine that Quentin is a master of disguise and could among them right now. She adds that once he was married to Roger for six months before anyone caught on.
...it sounds like it must have been a hoot and a half to read!! [stfl]
Let me assure you that this Uncle Roger would have caught on long before that. But I probably would have gone along with it anyway because it would be like getting the milk for free.
So to speak. ;)
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Almost as funny and probably more bizarre was something I remember from one of the early Newark festivals. A couple of fans took the stage and read excerpts from the Ross books like they were reading from great literature. As dopey as the books read, hearing them out loud remains one of my guiltiest pleasures.
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Almost as funny and probably more bizarre was something I remember from one of the early Newark festivals. A couple of fans took the stage and read excerpts from the Ross books like they were reading from great literature.
I really wish I could have immersed in DS cons and fandom. This sounds like a lot of fun. Unfortunately by 2002 when I revived my DS interest by buying a sh-load of used VHS, I was getting gradually more and more housebound. That year I also got on the Internet, thankfully...