Dear all,
I am posting Jasmine's latest update from a day or so ago on her social media page. I am sorry it is not good news.
Best wishes, Gothick
From Jasmine Nickerson:
Denise update:
Her hospital case manager says she's not any closer to coming home. Likely not for a few more days. And even after she's discharged, they want her to go back to rehab because she's regressing. $160/day while she's there.
She's being really hateful and agitated and the only thing they can do is sedate her. It's what we've been dealing with from her for awhile only we can't sedate her, we just have to let her be that way towards us. Denise acts out physically by hitting, and kicking, and spitting. That behavior was targeted towards just me for awhile but now she does it to whomever when she realizes she can't do and get what she wants when she wants it. Nurses, doctors, family. And Denise doesn't have any interests or "leverage" that we can punish her with for bad behavior other than turning off her tv and then she just takes a nap until we turn it back on and then she keeps us up all night.
We're coming to the reality that we don't think we can do this anymore. And it's devastating. We've only tried to make her comfortable and happy at her home surrounded by the things she likes and knows. That she could be with us as get family and not feel isolated in a "home." But this isn't working. We are left spinning our wheels everyday. Like, yes, the stroke negatively impacted her in significant ways, but her personality remained. The stroke caused damage to her movement and dexterity faculties but exacerbated the worst parts of her personality.
Josh and I have lived in grief and denial about this for a long time and have tried to make things work. We tried to convince ourselves that we could do this. We tried to do everything in our power to make sure that she was "good." But we are coming to the harsh reality that the best way to take care of her and take care of us is to find a new solution; for her to live in a facility that can care for her and me to go back to work so we don't end up homeless. Her staying is just putting herself in danger as she refuses to listen and us in danger as she is getting more brazen with her physical outbursts. All of her money will be depleted so she can go on Medicaid and we will sign legal rights for her care since we will no longer be in charge.
It feels like we've wasted a lot of time, money, and resources. I gave up my career. We went without health insurance until the beginning of this year when Josh could enroll us from the plan we lost when I abruptly quit to stay with her. We've put a lot of things in storage, drained our savings and 401ks to make ends meet, and put our lives and futures on hold. And even still we're guilty and broken that it's coming to this. We never wanted this for her. But we can't do it anymore.
I'm sorry. We tried.