Hey Gang,

How about these useful places of business:

A Pizzeria - Henri Dupre just loves those calzones and zeppoles!

A Sushi Bar - Mr. Barnabas acquired a taste for raw fish during his trips to the Orient.

A Haagen-Das Ice Cream Parlor - The one place where the perpetually saturnine Abigail Collins was known to crack a smile.  Vanilla Fudge was "Abby's" favorite flavor.

A  Collinsport Cathouse - An establishment where Ruby Tate's "colleagues" can ply their "trade" safely.  Preferably, the cathouse will NOT be erected anywhere near the waters of Collinsport Bay.

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who highly recomends the Masters in Public Administration Program at Prof. Stokes' university.

Dear Fellow Dark Shadows Fans:

The Rev. Trask made the following statement to the nefarious Nathan Forbes today: "I'm afraid that physical love is beyond my comprehension."  Oh yeah, then I have one question to ask.  How did little baby Lamar Trask become a gleam in his daddy's eye?

Come to think of it, I wonder what Mrs. Rev. Trask looks like?  Somehow, I envision her as looking remarkably like the wife of Major Frank Burns a/k/a "Ferret Face" on M*A*S*H.   Then again, Rev. Trask's better half might be a dead ringer for that hot blonde on Lexx.

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, a closet heterosexual

PS Kudos to Sam Hall for that inspired Rev. Trask line today!

If I might offer a male perspective on this question, I would like to list the ten most masculine Dark Shadows characters:

1  Sandor Racosi
2  Buzz Hackett  
3  Judge Crathorne
4  Ezra Braithwaite
5  Prof. T. Elliot Stokes
6  Horace Gladstone
7  King Johnny Romano
8  Mordecai Grimes
9  PT Bartender Liam Looney
10 Bartender Bob Rooney

Dear Fellow Dark Shadows Fans,

Were my eyes deceiving me or was the justice sitting on the left side of the bench, none other than the world renowned Clarence Birdseye, from the Birdseye frozen vegetable TV commercials?

Incidentally, the elderly justice sitting on the right side of the bench looked very much like Kieron McGoo, part-time bartender and full-time customer at the Blue Whale in the 1960's.  (In fact, sitting on the bench today, he looked like he was in desperate need of a hot toddy at the Eagle.)

Bob the Bartender, who wishes that Budweiser still made "LA Beer," the low alcohol beer also known as "Army beer."  

Dear Fellow Dark Shadows Fans,

I agree, "The Univited" is a cerebral ghost flick.  It's quite spooky.  Along with Ray Milland and Ruth Hussey, I believe that the great Alan Napier, Alfred from the Batman 1960's tv show, co-stars in the film.

I remember reading an interview with Ray Milland shortly before his death in the mid 1970's.  Mr. Milland commented on how the current movies were garbage in comparison to the films that were made in the glory days of the movie studios back in the 1930's.

Yeah, Mr. Milland was quite right in his assessment of the 1970's movies.  Did you ever see him star in that science fiction classic, "The Man With Two Heads"?  Mr. Milland plays a nasty old guy who dies and, to keep him "alive," has his severed head attached to the body of ex-New York Giant defensive end Rosey Grier.  Talk about lousy films!  This flick may be even worse than the one Mark Rainey mentioned, "Uninvited."  Big Rosey Grier has to run around with this phony head on his shoulder for almost the entire film.  In any event, Mr. Milland's flick rates down there with "Empire of the Ants," and "Frogs" as one of the truly worst sci-fi flicks of the 1970's.

Of course, this probably means that the Sci-Fi Channel will show it over the Fourth of July weekend.

Bob the Bartender, who considers "Spooks Run Wild" with Bela Lugosi and the Bowery Boys as one of the greatest horror movies ever made.

Dear RaineyPark,

I was at the NY Dark Shadows festival back in 1999(?).  As usual, there was a seemingly unending line of people lined up to get autographs from Lara Parker, KLS, John Karlen, David Selby, etc.

I (who got my last autograph from Tom Seaver many, many moons ago) stood in the large room observing the stars from the middle of the room.  

A young woman, sitting in a wheelchair, next to me, started waving at David Selby.  Mr. Selby looked up and noticed her.  Immediately, Mr. Selby asked one of the hotel security people to open up the roped partition to let her over to the table, and so that he could sign the woman's program and pose with her for a photograph.  Needless to say, the woman was positively beaming when David acknowledged her.

I thought that Mr. Selby acted as a true Southern gentleman by his kind and thoughtful gesture for that woman.  I guess that I'm just too sentimental at heart.

Bob the Bartender, who cried when Bambi's mother got shot in that movie, but cheered when Michael Corleone "offed" Sollozzo and McCluskey!.

VAM,

How could Tom's parents name him "Tom Collins"?  That's almost as bad as a "Boy Named Sue," from the Johnny Cash song.  Actually, my mother knows a man (a teacher) who is named Frank Sinatra!  I kid you not.

I imagine that if you have the same name as ol' blue eyes, people always want to buy you a drink, get your autograph, and introduce their sister to you (then again, maybe they don't want to introduce you to their sister!).

Gerard,

I see a definite resemblance between innkeeper Mooney and Mr. Mooney, the parsimonious banker, a/k/a/ "Mooney the Shylock."   However, innkeeper Mooney does not display the cultured patois of Mooney the banker.

It wasn't till I heard innkeeper Mooney on Dark Shadows, that I learned that the traditional New York guttural accent made it up all the way to colonial New England.

Ringo,

You know, it's too bad that Sebastian Cabot never appeared on Dark Shadows.  You probably know that Sherlock Holmes' brother, Mycroft, occasionally appeared in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's stories.  Well, I would have liked to have seen Mr. Cabot appear as Richard Stokes, Professor Stokes' neer-do-well, younger brother.  It would have been great fun to see the learned Stokes "contend" with a slightly older version of Buzz Hackett.  Oh well...

Jennifer,

I hope your doctor who looked like Mr. Mooney, practiced medicine as well as Mr. Mooney prepared martinis, toddies and sea breezes (Bathia Mapes' favorite drink).

Bob the Bartender, who gave up cervesa for Lent.