Hey gang,

So far, we've seen the extremely narcissistic Mr. Evan Hanley, Esq., attempt to summon some hopefully, helpful evil spirits on two separate occasions.

The first time, Evan inadvertently conjured up the decidely, independently-minded Angelique Bouchard-Collins, who, promptly rendered Evan mute (something, I think we all wish Angelique would also do to Kelly Ripa!).

The second time, while Evan was trying to contact Satan in a failed attempt to cure Quentin's really bad case of lycanthropy, who walks in, but the "righteous" Rev. Gregory Trask himself!  (You know, if Evan had any luck at all, it would probably be all bad.)

Of course, I won't go into Evan's next clumsy foray into an act of incantation (suffice it to say, that the attempt blows up in Evan's kisser, figuratively and literally!).

Let's hope that Evan is a far better litigator than he is a so-called "necromancer."  (Hey, check that word out in your Webster's Dictionary!)

You know, I don't believe that we ever get to see Evan present a case in court (as we did with the original Rev. Trask, among others, on Dark Shadows).  

I wonder where Evan received his legal education?  Perhaps Evan attended Harvard University or the equally-esteemed Yale University.  However, I suspect that Evan graduated from that other renowned school of law, the "sister institution" of the world famous Cleveland Institute of Electronics or C.I.E. (also a frequent commercial sponsor on the Sci-Fi Channel), the highly prestigious Cleveland Institute of Jurisprudence!

Yes, old C.I.J., a hallowed academic institution that can rightfully crow about its outstanding faculty, chosen from the finest legal scholars, litigators and legislators in our nation, men and women such as:

Leslie Abramson
Gloria Allred
F. Lee Bailey
Arnie Becker
Johnnie Cochrane
Al Damato
Charles Dawson
John Dean
Alan Dershowitz
Webb Hubbell
Robert Kardashian
Ally McBeal
John Mitchell
Janet Reno
Arlen Specter
and Robert Torricelli, to name but a few.

I believe that it can be confidently stated, that as a result of his formative years at C.I.J., Mr. Evan Hanley, Esq., upholds the highest standards of both moral probity and legal "ethics."

Bob the Bartender, who readily apologizes to any JD's or "necromancers," who I may have offended by this posting.

Hey gang,

The thing about that birthday dream sequence that struck me (or as I like to think of it as: "Meanwhile, back in the 20th century..."), where was everyone else?  

I can't help thinking that Mrs. Johnson, who, no doubt slaved over a hot wrought iron stove in that 18th century Old House kitchen, making that "rubber" cake, would have liked to have been present when they all sang "Happy Birthday " to young Davey in that dream.  (By the way, didn't Dan Curtis have to pay the authors of that particular birthday song for the right to perform it on the show?)

And, what of Maggie, ol' Willie Loomis, Dr. Hoffman, Amy and the wily Harry Johnson?  (Of course, we all know that Chris Jennings was "indisposed" at this particular time.)  Shouldn't the rest of them have been afforded a place in Jamison's dream also?

Gee, I don't know, but Jamison's dream sort of reminded me of Dark Shadows' version of some Felliniesque-like surrealistic dream.  Wake me up, Bathia!

Bob the Bartender

Scout75,

On the occasion of the tragic and untimely death of Dennis Patrick, I'm reminded of this beloved actor's wonderfully randy wit.

I recall that Mr. Patrick once commented on Willie Loomis' nightly chore of obtaining live farm animals for his bloodthirsty boss, Barnabas Collins.  Mr. Patrick regaled the highly receptive audience at a Dark Shadows Festival with the following limerick:

"There was a young man named Willie
 Who went after a goat that was pretty.
 Said the goat, don't be crass,
 Get away from my ass,
 My name isn't Nan, it's Billy!"

The audience (many of whom are undoubtedly regulars on this web site) howled with laughter in response to Mr. Patrick's ribald sense of humor. Perhaps you've read other postings of Mr. Patrick's lascivious limericks and comments here on this web site?  As KLS once observed, everone just loved this charming Irishman's wicked wit.  (Requiem Aeternam, "Dennis Harrison.")

Of course, another popular feature at the Dark Shadows Festivals are the comedy sketches presented by the Collinsport Players.  The audience always seems to enjoy the risque humor, double entendres and slightly salacious sight gags (involving prominent Dark Shadows characters) that the Collinsport Players incorporate so deftly into their performances.

Perhaps you've had occasion to observe similar instances of merriment at past Dark Shadows Festivals?  However, as a person with, apparently, easily-offended sensibilities, you might not enjoy the uproarious and somewhat bawdy nature of these much anticipated events.

Hey gang,

Does the brash, worldy-wise Ned Stuart (a guy who seems to just barge right into other people's places of abode) really bug you?

Or, perhaps, do those all-too-energetic young Dell computer interns give you a case of agita?  I mean, the positively upbeat, grinning Steve was bad enough, but those aggressively-competitive, "uber" obsequious interns are just too much to stomach.  Heck, I haven't seen such proficient fanny-kissing since Larry King (the nonpareil "King of all Fanny-Kissers") planted a wet one on Yassar Arafat decrepit caboose several years ago!

I just love seeing all of those aspiring dot.com yuppies sniping at one another.  (The scene where the "assertive," young woman, in an all-too-obvious attempt to curry favor with her supervisor, bad-mouths the customer support personnel in front of her fellow interns, is, in a word, marvelous.)  It's enough to bring a smile to even Mordecai Grimes' saturnine kisser.  

Maybe Dell should play the great O'Jay song, "The Back Stabbers," in the background when Dell airs its next commercial featuring those enterprising and Machiavellian interns?

Bob the Bartender, former paramour of the late, lamemted Donna Friedlander.  

Dear Luciaphil,

Now, for that, I'd change the channel from Pamela Anderson on "Viper" or from Brooke Burke on "Wild In Acadia National Park."

The divine Ms. Bolster also has a prominent cameo in "The Portrait of Dorian Gray," a frequent flick on either TCM or AMC.

Bob the Bartender

Dear Onyx_Treasure:

The Amy Jennings/Eddie Haskell comparison.  I love it!

"Those earrings that you're wearing are especially 'charming,' Mrs. Stoddard/Cleaver (take your pick)."

Bob the Bartender, past winner of the Larry Mondello lookalike contest.

 

Dear Franimal,

Wasn't it amazing, when, before the comatose Elizabeth Stoddard managed to move her hand and actually press the buzzer button down, the darned bells in the mausoleum belfry started to ring?  Maybe Mrs. Stoddard has telekinetic powers that no one knows about!

Bob the Bartender, remembering the eloquent Jack Palance's pithy observation: "Believe it or not."