Hey, gang,

I don't know about you, but I've always enjoyed those television characters who seem to have their noses perpetually up in the air, and, then generally, rather abruptly, are given their just comeuppances.

Anyway, for what it's worth, in descending order, here are t.v.'s top ten greatest snobs:

10 - Chatsworth Osborne, Jr. - Dobie Gillis' extremely affluent and snotty rival (portrayed by actor Steve Franken) for all of the beautiful girls in town on "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis."

9 - Simon Brimmer - The supercilious radio host and sleuth (portrayed by the superb John Hillerman), who is always bested by the unfailingly polite and perspicacious Ellery Queen (portrayed by the greatly underrated Jim Hutton) in the 1970s mystery/comedy show, "Ellery Queen."

8 - Mrs. Margaret Drysdale - The wonderfully snooty, society lady (portrayed by Harriet G. MacGibbon) who is absolutely appalled by the next door presence of  new millionaire Jed Clampett and his country kinfolk on "The Beverly Hillbillies."

7 - Hyacinth Bucket  (pronounced "bouquet") - Great Britain's greatest social climber (portrayed by the remarkable Patricia Routledge); a woman who makes Madame DeFarge look like Mother Teresa in her dealings with and treatment of other people on "Keeping Up Appearances."

6 - Mr and Mrs. Thurston Howell III - arguably the most affluent shipwrecked castaways ever (portrayed by the terrific Jim "Mr. Magoo" Bachus and Red Bank, N.J.'s own Natalie Schaffer); how Thurston and "Lovey" managed to "keep up appearances" so stylishly on that tiny island for so long on "Gilligan's Island" is beyond me.

5 - Audrey fforbes-Hamilton - an upperclass, toffee-nosed British woman (portrayed by the indomitable Penelope Keith), whom Hyacinth Bucket dreams of one day eventually becoming (but never will) on "To the Manor Born."  (Ms. Keith was also superb as the ultimate stuck-up British yenta, Margo Leadbetter, on "The Good Neighbors.")

4 - Basil Fawlty - probably the most arrogant, albeit inept, hotel proprietor/manager in television history (portrayed by the always manic John Cleese) on the classic "Fawlty Towers."  (Think of Basil Fawlty as a cynical and misanthropic Mr. Wells.  I know it's hard to do.)

3 - Jonathan Higgins - the very proper British major domo  (also portrayed by the incredibly Texas born John Hillerman) of writer Robin Masters' magnificent estate on the island of Oahu, who seemingly is forever locking horns with the laidback (not to mention extremely sloppy) resident security man/estate guest, Thomas Magnum (portrayed by the terrific Tom Selleck), on "Magnum, P.I."

2 - Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester, III - the quintessential Boston brahim/U.S. Army surgeon  (portrayed by the wonderfully hubristic David Ogden Stiers), who considers his fellow screwball Korean War surgeons/officers, "Hawkeye" Pierce and B.J. Hunnicut (portrayed by Alan Alda and Mike Farrell) as common guttersnipes beneath his very contempt.

And, I think you know whom THE greatest television snob of all time is, the man close to the hearts of "Dark Shadows" fans near and far, the one-and-only:

1 - Roger Collins !!! - Yes, Collinsport, Maine's own "regular guy" (portrayed by the truly immortal Louis Edmonds), a man who must have been an inspiration and role model to both George Plimpton and the late, great William F. Buckley!

Kathryn Leigh Scott expressed it best when, in her first book, "My Scrapbook Memories of Dark Shadows." she described Roger Collins as "being arch and aristocratic played to delicious perfection by the arch and aristocratic Louis Edmonds."   I always enjoyed the brother/sister squabbles between Louis Edmonds and  Joan Bennett as (Collinwood matriarch Elizabeth Collins Stoddard).  Ms. Scott described those memorable scenes as a "study in icy disdain, no one could quite sneer like Louis Edmonds."

Remember when Roger, after having been out of town for several days, finds out that Carolyn has actually married the despicable Jeb Hawkes, Elizabeth reminds her younger brother that the family had not approved of her own marriage to Paul Stoddard, to which Roger, in his own inimitable and mordant style replies, "And, with disastrous results!"  Oh, I loved it! 

Perhaps the late Sam Evans, a true regular guy, hit the proverbial nail on the head, when he said to Roger, over a couple of drinks at the Blue Whale:

"Roger, you ARE a snob!"

So, kudos to the late, great Louis Edmonds, for his absolutely consummate performance as t.v.'s greatest snob.  

Great anecdote, thanks for sharing. One of the greatest joys of my present life is remembering little incidents from my childhood. Funny how you never forget some things that were of little or no consequence.

Dom,

You know, "Quentin's Theme" really does  sound like the kind of music people would skate to at an ice skating rink.  I can envision couples skating together and rounding the rink at a slow and elegant pace to the sound of Robert Cobert's lilting and haunting music.

Come to think of it, perhaps many of the residents of the mythical village of Collinsport, Maine were avid ice skaters?  Certainly, in a cold weather state like Maine, ice skating must be a popular recreational pasttime. 

One of my friends in college was from Minnesota and I remember him telling me that ice skating was extremely popular in his home state.  (I'll bet that Kathryn Leigh Scott must have been a keen skater, when she was growing up out there in Robbinsdale, Minnesota.)   

Anyway, wouldn't it have been cool to have seen some of the Dark Shadows regulars, hitting the ice at the local ice rink, or, perhaps, at a nearby frozen-over lake?

No doubt, Maggie, Joe, Sam, Chris, Tom and Amy Jennings, Sheriff Patterson, Tony Peterson, Bill Malloy and Bob Rooney were all accomplished skaters.

Do you think that the eminent Prof. T. Elliot Stokes might have laced on a pair of ice skates for a late afternoon's skate to unwind after delivering a two-hour lecture at his university?  (And, would the good professor be wearing his trademark monocle as he glided along the ice?)   

And, what about the patrician Collinses, would they be avid ice skaters as well?  I can certainly see Carolyn and David enjoying a spirited skate on a brisk and cold Maine winter's day.  However, I just can't envision the top-lofty Roger Collins, deigning to be seen skating with the "common folk" of Collinsport .

As to Carolyn's former boyfriend, Buzz Hackett, I see the "Buzz-man" as more of a roller skating fan, where he could shake his "groove thing" to the sounds of a disco version of "Meet Me at the Blue Whale" at the town's local roller skating rink.

And, what about the man himself, Mr. Barnabas Collins, do you think he also hit the ice (at night) , dressed in his trademark Inverness coat and brandishing his wolf's head cane?  (Perhaps Dr. Hoffman was chasing right after him on the ice, with hypodermic in hand, intent on giving her patient his latest injection?)  

Bob, who hasn't hit the ice since high school , many, many years ago!

I remember when my parents took my brothers and I to the annual air show at McGuire Air Force Base in New Jersey way back in 1969.  Seeing those USAF Phantom fighter jets flying low and buzzing everyone along the airstrip was great.

Anyway, on the way home, my father tuned the car radio onto WOR 710 AM and the disc jockey played "Quentin's Theme" over the air.  After the song was over, this d.j. remarked that "Quentin's Theme" sounded like the music they played at the skating rink at Rockefeller Center in New York City.

Ever since, whenever I hear "Quentin's Theme," I have this picture in my mind of David Selby and Nancy Barrett skating together at Rockefeller Center, like that comely blonde skater that Jack Nicholson and Art Garfunkel are seen eyeing out in the film, "Carnal Knowledge."  

Just about my only exposure to Kardashians comes when people on the Internet complain about how ubiquitous they are.

MT,

In his autobiography, entitled "Cosell," the late, lamented Howard Cosell mentioned that former New York Yankee manager and former World War II US Army Ranger, Ralph Houk, once commented on Mr. Cosell's renowned ubiquity, by paying him a "lefthanded compliment," when the Major said to "Humble" Howard:

"You're like 'bleep,' you're everywhere!"    (Sort of like the family, Kardashian, I suppose?)

Bob

Exactly. It's true that's it's next to impossible to avoid seeing photos of the Kim Kardashian, but I've had the pleasure of never seeing any of the reality shows she's done or any of the interviews anyone in the media has conducted with her, so I can honestly say I have absolutely no opinion about her whatsoever.

Hey, MB,

Just so long as you set your TV to always bypass the "E" Channel, and when standing on line at the supermarket checkout, you positively do NOT look at any of the trashy magazines "heralding" the on-going "exploits" of the Kardashian family, then, you'll certainly be okay.

Bob

PS Lookalikes: Bruce Jenner (Kardashian?) and Sandor Rakosi?

Say what you will about Morgan, and I suspect this doesn't help you Bob, but some of us have very fond memories of Morgan's exciting and surprisingly active 1840s trouser snake. 

Mad Morgan did a hysterical cackle with great enthusiasm.  Uhhh... did Morgan have other talents? Tight revealing trousers that helped one "Hel-LO!" wake up in the morning, and a lurid cackle.  That may be it.

Gothick,

Yes, I agree that Morgan did display an hysterical cackle with great enthusiasm.   (Perhaps the late Keith Prentice learned that subtle acting technique, considering that he may very well have been a proud graduate of the "world renowned" William Shatner School of Overacting?) 

As to Morgan's apparent physical appeal, while I've always been an enamored (if not a beguiled) fan of both Katherine Leigh Scott's lovely Maggie Evans and the late Anita Bolster's zaftig Bathia Mapes (alas, the one truly great unrequited love in my life), I have to admit that I've always had a huge "man-crush" on the late Daniel Keyes' character of the Eagle Hill Cemetery Caretaker!   (I like to think of the Eagle Hill Cemetery Caretaker as sort of Dark Shadows' "somewhat" mature answer to the rugged "Marlboro Man" of those Marlboro cigarette commercials of the 1960s and the 1970s.)

As to Kim Kardashian, she's sort of the "Ruby Tate of the current American zeitgeist!!!
 (Whatever the heck THAT means!!!)

Bob

Hey, gang,

I happened to be watching the PT 1840 DS episodes recently, and it struck me how truly obnoxious the character of Morgan Collins was on the show.  The guy constantly hassles his "beloved" Catherine during these episodes, argues with his brothers, and really has it in for his cousin, Bramwell Collins.  In fact, I recall Jonathan Frid, as Bramwell in one episode, describing Morgan to Catherine Harridge, as being "spoiled, arrogant and weak."

This guy was one of "Dark Shadows'' "greatest" bete-noires, imo, right up there along with PT 1970 Quentin Collins and 1897's Judith Collins-Trask!   I can't say that I was sorry to see Morgan and Bramwell (along with Kendrick) have that final confrontation on the widow's walk on the top of Collinwood.  (Geronimo!!!)   

And, what can I say about a truly "great" talent like Kim Kardashian?  This woman is like Ava Gardner, Eleanor Roosevelt and Sandra Day O'Connor all rolled into one.  I was glad to hear DS actor Kathryn Leigh Scott  expressing such "great" admiration for shows like "Keeping Up With The Kardashians," when she appeared on George Noory's "Coast-to-CoastAM Show" last summer. 

Of course, Ms. Kardashians's "better" half, singer Kanye West is another "delightful" mensch.  Remember when "Mr. Kardashian" showed himself to be the true gentleman that he is, when he "complimented" singer Taylor Swift for her award (over "Mr. Kardashians's" good pal, Beyonce) on one of those music award shows several years ago?

Nevertheless, Ms. Kardashian and her cheerful companion are certainly to be congratulated on the recent birth of their baby, they named "North" (or is that "North-by-Northwest" or "North to Alaska" or possibly even "Northern Exposure," I really don't know for sure?).

Yes, I think we can all thank the late, lamented attorney and faithful O.J. Simpson defender, Mr. Robert Kardashian, for presenting (or more likely foisting ) his entire Kardashian family on the American psyche!

So, I leave it to you, is it the dour and sullen Morgan Collins or the totally untalented Kim Kardashian, who is more annoying?

Bob

   
PS Maybe Khloe Kardashian-Odom and her husband Lamar Odom can portray Daphne and Quentin in a remake of the 1840 PT storyline?