Originally posted by Bob the Bartender on the Dark Shadows: General Discussion Forum on February 08, 2002 at 09:26:39:

I was surprised to see the usually unflappable Dr. Hoffman seemingly "lose it," when Barnabas began to age very rapidly. However, I was moved by Julia's selfless offer to act as Mr. B.'s "cure" for his superannuated condition. I would like to offer Julia another suggestion to aid the aged and excessively wrinkled resident of the Old House:

• 1. Utilize topical applications of Oil of Olay and Nivea.
• 2. Give Barnabas a milk bath (use only whole milk).
• 3. Familiarize Barnabas with the use of Just For Men hair dye (it takes only five minutes!).
• 4. Drive to Bloomingdales and buy the store's entire supply of L'Oreal's Age Perfect Cream (share one half of the product with the reclusive painter Charles Delaware Tate).
• 5. When preparing the next portion of her secret formula to cure Barnabas, add Shalimar Body Lotion to the concoction.

Originally posted by Bob the Bartender on the Dark Shadows: General Discussion Forum on February 05, 2002 at 14:56:58:

As Julia was stiring her secret formula to cure Barnabas, it looked as if she were tossing marshmallows into that exotic crockpot in the Old House basement. Perhaps, friend Willy Loomis might have used Cracker Jacks instead.

Originally posted by Bob the Bartender on the Dark Shadows: General Discussion Forum on February 04, 2002 at 17:06:31:

Today's Sheriff Paterson, portrayed by Angus Cairns, was the first sheriff to sport a full head of hair. I don't know about you, but I prefer Sheriff Paterson with a "chrome dome." Old George Patterson looks strange with the mop top look. It's kind of like seeing Col. Wilheim Klink with a thick head of hair like Charles Bronson's. As far as Collinsport's police chief is concerned, bald is best.

I'm a big fan of Maggie Evans (as my colleagues Gerard and Ringo will testify). However, Ms. Evans was wearing about the ugliest skirt I have ever seen her wear on the show. The dress looked like a L.L. Bean Flannel Blanket which Maggie had fashioned into a skirt. Maggie, please, next time wear something more becoming to you, like a pair of Jordache jeans.

Bob the Bartender, who likes Maggie most in a mini-skirt.

Originally posted by Bob the Bartender on the Dark Shadows: General Discussion Forum on January 25, 2002 at 18:10:19:

Dear Fans,

Has anyone seen the new flick, "The Mothman Prophecies" yet? It's based on supposed true events in the town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia (NOT Point Pleasant, NJ).

The film deals with a strange creature that presages future, catastrophic events. Richard Gere and Laura Linney star in this film. I wonder if David Selby is aware of this legend in his home state? Of course, in NJ we have the mythical "Jersey Devil" and in the Pacific Northwest, there is the legendary "Big Foot."

If Dark Shadows had continued into the 1970's, perhaps Dan Curtis would have incorporated the so-called "Mothman" into Dark Shadows. After all, DC freely admits that he just about stole every other occult idea in the book.

When I attended college in the Midwest, one of my friends told me about the Benders, a family of 19th century German immigrants who murdered new settlers as they made their way through Kansas onto California.

My friend's grandmother used to say that when she was a little girl, her mother would say to her, "If you're not a good little girl, then the Benders are going to come and get you!" There was supposed to be a film made about this cult-like family starring Jacqueline Bisset among others, but the flick never was filmed.

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who says sweet dreams to all of my fellow Dark Shadows fans in the nation's heartbelt.