Character Epitaphs

I thought it might be fun to revisit an old topic; To try and come up with epitaphs for DS characters. Serious, funny, poems, limericks, etc....

The last time this topic was visited was in Sept. 2002. (Some of them are hysterical!) Since the influx of new members, and the debut of Caption this! I've read some really clever captions and insights into the show and it's characters. Not to mention the creative graphics/artwork. There's a whole lot of creative juices flowing here, and I'm loving it. (It makes moderating a bit more interesting and fun.)  So I am eager to read what some of the new (as well as the old) blood can come up with.

Roger Collins:

Here I am
Here I lie
With glass in hand
Here's mud in your eye

Hey, Great Topic!

Liz-Don't touch my pearls and don't ask me about Vicki's birth father!
Carolyn-If you are a man, you can dance with me!
Vicki-I have always wanted Willie for my one true love.
David-I am the world's greatest brat
Roger- Join me in a brandy?
Barnabas-Sweet young things are my life!
Jason-Give me all of your money and possesions!
Willie-I will work for no pay and no raises.
Angelique- Whoever is with my Barnabas, he/she will be dream-cursed.
Burke-I really did survive the plane crash in Brazil.
Sheriff Patterson-I am not the same man always and I takes my roast beef with extra cheese, no mayo.
Mrs. Johnson-Find my son and put him in jail!
Harry-The real reason why I disappeared from Collinwood was to join the Circus.
Nathan Forbes-I am a ladies' man and I was already married to Suki.
Suki- I know where to find Nathan and his paycheck.
Sarah-You found my doll. London Bridges is Falling Down!
Peter/Jeff-I love touching on Ms. Winters and bring me some hair tonic.
Nicholas Blair-I've been to Hades and back!
Quentin-No lady can resists my good looks.
Laura-Ashes, ashes, the phoenix is reborn!
Joe-I have hated being a fisherman.
Buzz-Hey, hey cool it, cool it.
Maude-Ohh, I just dropped my hankerchief with French perfume.
Magda-Hey, hot stuff, can I be your sugar momma?
Adam-Barnabas, where is my chicken leg?
Skye-Where is Alexis?
Dr. Lang-It's alive! It's alive!
Rev Trask-Ms. Winters was always guity of two things: witchcraft and resisting my lust.
Megan Todd-We need to sell these antiques on Ebay.
Philip Todd-Jeb has grow too fast and is eating us out of upper flat and antique shop.
Amy-I played doctor with David.
The Jennings Brothers-double your pleasure, double your fun, we are pleasing the ladies from Hades!
Prof Stokes- I am a professor of every subject in Collinsport.
Maggie-I am too spooky-looking for Joe and Quentin.
Bob Rooney(bartender at Blue Whale)-My bar makes made money with alcohol sales than with lunch/dinner specials.
Josette-My Barnabas has returned from the grave.
Jeremiah-Why did my nephew have to kill me? I really wanted Vicki.
Bartender from the Eagle Pub-My pub had more ladies of night hanging around  there that the actual whorehouse.
Leviathans-We were the new and improved Collins Family Mafia!

any other ones I will come up with later,
Love dvlvan26

Laura Collins


I lost to the Witch

that horrible bitch

she whooped me in wits

but i had the better tits

Madam Finley


OK Quentin now im a ghost

no longer scared of mirrored glass

I am going to take that telephone

and shove it up your scrawny ass.

 

Barnabas

I am really dead

no need to whine

just step out of the way

so i can read my lines.

The Ballad Of Quentin Collins


  Some say he was a bastard,
  a sarcastic little schmuck.
  He was no good to no one,
  but boy, could that dude _ _ _ _ .  (fill in your own)

  His body was a portrait,
  beautiful when nude.
  Quentin, Quentin Collins,
  lascivious and lewd.

  Romantic in the twilight,
  passionate at dawn,
  he whispers oh so sweetly,
  "Let's do it on the lawn."

  "Let's do it in the kitchen,
   lets do it on the stairs."
  "Let's do it at the Old House -
   if Willie's there, WHO CARES!"

  You romp together happily
  through woods and fields and glen,
  he rolls you in the flowers,
  and nails you once again.

  Together lying quietly
  while staring at the sky,
  you turn to him, he winks and says,
  "I know...I'm quite a guy!"

Connie dear, you ARE a romantic!

sighing at the rhapsodic lyricism of it all (while taking inner wicked delight at the "painterly" crenellations of a nude Quentin Collins),

Steve

Connie, you are a romantic.  I've always loved reading things by you.  They make me laugh.  Bravo.
I almost got choked on my coffee.

LOL Connie  

Great stuff hon...always loved that poem.      

That's wonderful, Connie!! 

 

Well thanks guys.  LOL      

Ya know, I actually wrote some of that back around 1970 -- finished it off 4 or 5 years ago.  (I'm a slow writer.  Steve will attest to this.) 

-Romantic CLC

I guess Quentin had a very large head stone.   

I failed to properly communicate what I was going for in this topic, and I apologize.  :-   I am going for things one would expect to read on the Tombstone/Headstone of a DS Character. 

ADAM: (I wouldn't be surprised if this one's been done before)

Here lies Adam
May he rest in pieces