Fashion note first . . .
The more observant of you will have noticed I wrote "note" not "notes." Not a typo, but in fact there is only one because it's still Day 3 and everyone is pretty much in the same clothes. Except for Vicki. In between the drama of tussling with David and accusing him of attempted murder, she's chosen to change her blouse. Not sure why. I like to think that Alexandra Moltke just put her foot down or something about wearing the same thing for eons. It might explain why this new top is so ugly. Small patterned button-down thing. And that skirt makes her look big from behind.
Slow TV night on Monday. Also my VCR did not tape All My Children perhaps out of respect to the passing of Ruth Warrick. Damn. First Will Eisner, now her. Requiescat in pace. Phoebe Wallingford. This in my roundabout way is an explanation of why another column so soon.
Victoria Winters, thy name is Drama Queen. I'm trying to figure her out. She's not a mean person. I really get the sense that she does want to do her job properly, that she does have some practical sense--at least in relation to other people, and that she's ultimately got a decent set of values. But. I also think a little part of Vicki took the job working at Collinwood because it sounded so grand. It certainly sounds like she had a miserable childhood, and that even as she got older, she was never really center stage. Well, now she is. She's the heroine in her very own romance novel. The bit that is prompting my conjecture has to do with the dramatic way in which she hints heavily to Carolyn that David is responsible for trying to kill Roger. With very little arm twisting, Vicki is persuaded to spill all she knows. She also expresses surprise that David would keep the valve. Hello? He's like nine-years-old. He was also convinced that his father had plans to send him to the Hammond Foundling Home. He may have disturbing tendencies, but ultimately he's just a little kid. For about two minutes, Carolyn, who is no stranger to self-created drama, tries to make this all about her, but she realizes that a small boy trying to kill his own father is a hard act to follow. Oh, and btw, David has gone missing
Shot of the exterior of the Bangor Pine Hotel. I'm guessing it's supposed to be a mid-priced sort of place. Along came Bronson, sadly for us, not Charles. Bronson is another accountant type. In fact, the actors playing Bronson and Jonas Carter both look like they've handled their share of dweeby number-crunching roles. Actually I checked IMDB, and Barnard Hughes has a lengthy career and was still making movies as of 2000. Michael Currie is no slouch either. NotCharles Bronson (he has a name, not that I think we learn it hear. For those who care, it's Stuart) is sort of a dark side kind of accountant/business man. The poor guy got dragged away from New York so he could hang out in Bangor for as long as Burke needs him. Burke is visibly irritated and alarmed when Bronson downs a drink in like two seconds because Bronson needs to be respectable, damn it. That's what he's here for. He's also there to give Burke a financial rundown on the Collins family.
Back at Collinwood there's an awful lot about the door to the west wing and noises and how it's always locked. But honestly, it is just a door and why Vicki and Carolyn need to make such a huge deal out of it, I do not know, nor does Elizabeth when she steps out of the west wing. She is less about The Secret of the Locked Door and more about Finding My Nephew Who You Just Accused of Attempted Murder and His Automotive Parts Collection. In fact, she is very unpleasant to Vicki about the whole thing. Carolyn solves the mystery of how David got into a locked drawer by revealing that she has the same dresser in her room and that no doubt David used her key. Liz isn't thrilled when they pull out a magazine from Vicki's dresser that happens to contain an article and diagram for taking apart a brake cylinder.
Poor Bronson. Given the task of compiling this financial report and a limited period of time, he's chosen to highlight the big ticket items. He points out that they have some large notes with some commercial credit companies and that all Burke has to do is buy up the notes and call them in. Unfortunately for Bronson, he wasn't informed that Burke wants this to be a slow painful process for all concerned. Also, Burke wants all the details and he wants them now. He also wants the information on the Logansport Cannery. Let's just say Bronson needs that drink as soon as his employer finds that particular report might be on its way to Collinsport.
I think it would be safe to say, that Liz is on a tear today. She explains to Roger that David is missing, and then after hanging up pronounces "useless, absolutely useless." Carolyn is very concerned about clearing Burke's name. Now I have two loving parents who have been there for me time and again, but I have to tell you I learned early on the point at which you just don't push a parent. I think most of us do. It's that fine line between extreme kidding and making a genuine pain of yourself. Carolyn has crossed it because Elizabeth cuts her down and takes no prisoners. What we have here is less gracious lady of the manner and more hard-as-nails businesswoman having a really bad day.
To Burke's relief, the report hasn't shown up in Collinsport (so Bronson gets to live). He also learns that his room was searched and that some kid tried to break in.
You know, Burke and Liz have a lot in common. They're both in very bad moods for one thing, as Jonas finds out when Burke rants and raves about the search of his hotel room. Dweeby accountant type or no, Jonas isn't putting up with this. In any case, Jonas has the warrant. Lots of shouting and indignant speeches.
I tend to come down hard on the utter stupidity of hiring Maggie to be a governess later on. But even if I buy the arguments about her possibly having taken night school classes or that in those days you really didn't need to be a bonafide teacher, well, Maggie doesn't exactly scream good with children. She certainly isn't very good here. She adopts that fake kind "I love kids" attitude that I suspect most of us who aren't comfortable with children resort to. It's all very jolly and friendly and it's just so apparent. David, who is a bright kid, isn't really buying it anyhow. I'm also starting to question her food preparation skills too. She makes him a sundae that is composed entirely of chocolate sauce and whipped cream (no ice cream). She also lies very unconvincingly that she needs to call her father.
The sheriff's bulletin board is covered with wanted posters. Who knew that Collinsport was such a hot spot for the escaped criminal classes? Burke overhears him on the phone with the NYPD and concludes (albeit with no proof) that it's about him. More yelling. It's actually funny in a bad way. Ryan's delivery is off and watching Currie attempt to be wry is like accountant humor.
Maggie pumps David with the subtlety of a Mack truck while bribing him with a chance to make his own sundae. I think it's worth pointing out that David remembers to add the ice cream. When he gets suspicious, she totally lies that she just wanted to talk. Roger shows up and David ducks behind the counter. It never occurs to Maggie "sharp as a whip" Evans that since he was last behind the counter, that this might be a logical place to check. Roger is irritated beyond belief and then panics upon learning that David tried to break into Burke's room. She pushes her luck by bringing up Sam. I don't get that at all. The man is obviously not in a good mood, perhaps this is not the best time to make inquiries about his relationship with your father?
This is not a red letter day for Maggie. She gives out a lot more information than she gets. Chiefly that Burke has been visiting her father a fair amount and has commissioned him to paint his portrait. Roger, needless to say, could be happier. Later on, over lobster roll, Burke learns from her that it was David who tried to get into his hotel room. He also discovers that the last time Sam and Roger were chummy was ten years ago.
Roger and Jonas have words too. All Jonas will give out is that his New York contact revealed that Burke sent a private investigator to Collinsport to investigate the family. I suspect this is the kind of revelation we're not meant to investigate too closely ourselves. With that in mind, damn straight I'm going to examine it. How exactly would the police determine this? This to me is akin to FauxBurke learning that there is no one in London named Barnabas Collins. New York is an awfully big city. What? The cops have every PI's office bugged? I think not. Anyhow, Roger isn't ecstatic about this news.
AprĬs lobster roll: our last shot is of young Master Collins crouching down in the phone booth before sneaking on out.
