Do You Think Barnabas Could Get a Reverse Mortgage on the Old House?

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Hey, gang,

I'm sure everyone has seen those highly informative reverse mortgage commercials on tv, featuring such popular celebrity spokespersons as James Garner, former U.S. Sen. Fred Thompson, Robert Wagner, Barbara Eden, and, of course, Mr. Henry Winkler.


Well, I wondered if Barnabas Collins, now that he'd be in his late seventies, at least, (or 243 years of age in "vampire years"), perhaps Barnabas might want to consider the benefits of a reverse mortgage as he approached his golden years?  After all, Mr. B. owns the house outright, and as he once proudly informed Vicky Winters: "This magnicent house was built to last for untold centuries to come."  (And, after nearly 220 years of existence, Barnabas was not just whistling Dixie about the structural soundness of the Old House!) 

Heck, maybe even Mrs. Stoddard or even Roger Collins and Carolyn Stoddard might want to inquire as to the financial advisability of securing a reverse morgage on the great house of Collinwood itself?  Maybe the Collins family might want to determine how much money they could receive on a reverse mortgage on some of the other smaller properties on their vast estate, including Matthew Morgan's old cottage, the carriage house, the House-by-the Sea (which warlock Nicholas Blair once rented from the family), and that charming Seaview House (which the apparently ill-fated Burke Devlin was going to purchase from Mrs. Stoddard as a wedding gift for Vicky)?

Perhaps Maggie Evans might also want to consider securing a reverse mortgage on the cottage which she and her late father, Sam, lived in for so many years?   

Somehow, I don't believe that Dr. Julia Hoffman could get a reverse mortgage on a medical facility like Windcliff.

Can you think of any other Collinsport residents who might reap the benefits of a reverse mortgage in their now senior years?

And as Henry Winkler/Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli is wont to say in those truly delightful reverse mortgage commercials of his: "Take control of your retirement To-day!"

       

[Gerard]

Considering that Barnabas was not only in his golden years, but in his platinum ones, a reverse mortgage on the Old House would've been absolutely economically advisable.

In a DS novel I wrote (hoping to submit it to the failed HarperCollins series of the late 90's), set in the year 2000, Barnabas (who had been human since 1971) and Willie lived in happy retirement in the Old House.  Of course, by that time, it had electricity, central heating and air, full plumbing and a satellite dish on the roof.  Barnabas was very apt at using the internet as well as his cellphone.  The times did change.

Gerard

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Gee, with all those incredible improvements to the venerable Old House, maybe the gang at "This Old House" could run a series of episodes on how Mr. B. and ol' Willie were able to modernize the home without losing any of its old world charm and warmth?

PS No doubt, master carpenter Norm Abraham (sp?) would be mightily impressed by the intricate construction of the secret room behind the Old House drawing room bookshelf.   

[Gerard]

I forgot the secret room, Bob.  I should've had Barnabas and Willie make it into a laundry room.

Gerard

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Gerard,

Converting the secret room into a laundry room.  I love it!!!   Can you imagine poor Willie having to apply Spray & Wash to all of Barnabas' 100% cotton dress shirt collars and sleeves before schlepping all of Mr. B.'s garments into the washer?  I wonder if Willie ever hung up Mr. B.'s expensive shirts and other threads (from Brewster's Dept. Store, no doubt) on a clothes line located at the back of the Old House?)
 

Bob

PS Maybe Barnabas converted Adam's old cell in the Old House basement into a cool and definitely secure storage area for all of those bottles of wine from the Collins family vineyard in Spain?
 

[MagnusTrask]

I'd be glad to comment on all this, but unfortunately, I'm so dumb on economics and business that no one has yet even managed to explain to me successfully what a mortgage IS.   My brain must reject certain kinds of data.

[B.Collins]

how about the secret room if not a laundry room. but a tv room. or adam's cell where the big 75 inch tv goes ? with the big movie theatre as well ? 

[MagnusTrask]

I say Barnabas would stay candle-lit and unconnected to the power grid, because that's who he is.   He could have a secret guilty-pleasure room with a generator and TV and games though...

[B.Collins]

your right that does seem to fit him a bit more. one thing i find really funny is that on the show we only see him in any type of car only once and that's when he has his car accident. my point is i wonder if he by than will even have a car as well ? and do you think that Julia will still be alive?

[Bob_the_Bartender]

how about the secret room if not a laundry room. but a tv room. or adam's cell where the big 75 inch tv goes ? with the big movie theatre as well ? 

B.Collins,

I like your suggestion of placing a 75 inch hdtv in Adam's old cell.  However, can you imagine if Willie Loomis was down there, drinking a couple of tall, cold Budweisers, and watching something like "Californication" or "Red Shoe Diaries" on the set and the spirit of the late, unlamented Rev. Trask just happened to show up/materialize? 

I can almost hear the pious reverend now:  "Mr. Loomis, your very soul will  burn for eternity in the flames of Hell after watching such lewd, crude and lascivious filth!!!"   "Prepare for judgment day, you wanton sinner!!!

As to Barnabas and cars, I always wondered if Mr. B. bought either a Cadillac or a Lincoln for ol' Willie to drive him around in and to run errands in town.  Then again, maybe Barnabas cashed in a couple of those priceless Collins family jewels and splurged for a top of the line Mercedes or BMW?

Bob