Hey gang,
I'm sure you've all seen those frequently-aired Sci-Fi promos featuring unclothed women. There's the promo that shows a naked lady, crouched up in the fetal position, inside of an oversized infant (sort of a play on "2001: A Space Odyssey," I suppose). That's bad enough.
But the Sci-Fi spot showing a beautiful young woman lying nude on her back, on top of some sort of satanic altar is just too much to take. Talk about gratuitous nudity! What am I watching, the Sci-Fi Channel or the Spice Channel?
And, what with the advanced state of the art digitalized video capabilities of today, I shudder to think what's coming next, Sci-Fi promos featuring beloved Dark Shadows characters in the buff!!!
I can see it now: the eminent and tweedy Prof. T. Elliot Stokes, sprawled out au naturel on a bear skin rug, just like actor Burt Reynolds in that famous centerfold in Cosmo Magazine of many years ago. Just try and imagine it, Prof. Stokes, sporting his trademark monocle (but sans his usual tweedy suit), declaring, "I must say, this is a most 'stimulating' experience." Oh, the Dark Shadows shame!
Of course, if the good folks at the Sci-Fi Channel wanted to assume a more serious approach, they could emulate the promotional tactics of PETA, the animal rights group that uses nude photographs of famous actresses and fashion models to further its cause.
Perhaps you've seen the PETA advertisement that features actress Charlotte Ross of "NYPD Blue"? I can envision the bodacious Bathia Mapes in a similar spot: Ms. Mapes standing in her birthday suit with her back to the camera, while holding a cute bunny rabbit close to her chest, and saying, "I'd rather show my buns than wear fur." Minerva Trask would be appalled!
Perhaps, the most outrageous Sci-Fi Channel promo would feature Barnabas Collins in the buff, standing in front of the Old House drawing room fireplace, with Mr. B. holding his trademark wolf's head cane in profile, directly in front of him (thereby, providing him with a modicum of decent "coverage"). The caption would quote Barnabas with some appropriately pithy statement, such as: "Serenity is my favorite emotion." However, the drafty conditions of the Old House might present the photographer with the inevitable "problems" of goose pimples and the like.
I realize that ABC (the network that originally aired everyone's favorite gothic soap opera) has been a pioneer in expanding the mature content of its prime time programming. Who can forget that famous scene in which "NYPD Blue's" burly, macho Det. Andy Sipowicz is shown taking a shower, and is then joined by his slim and sexy wife, Sylvia, under the hot running water?
I just don't want to see the Sci-Fi Channel copy ABC's provocative style by showing Sandor Racosi singing some lusty gypsy love ballad in the shower, while his willowy and earthy wife, Magda, doffs her duds, and slips into the shower with her hubby, cooing: "Ah, Sandor, you big Romanian grizzly bear, you. Let Magda scrub your broad and hairy back for you, eh?" Magda and Sandor starkers. Yeah...just picture that, if you dare.
Please, leave the bare body look to ABC and the Playboy Channel. I prefer to see Prof. Stokes, Ms. Mapes and Mr. Barnabas with their pants and knickers on, respectively, so to speak!
Bob the Indignant Bartender, who asks the question: Did they even have hot running showers in 1897?
