Character Bio help

[arashi]

Now that I've got some downtime I decided to start updating Darkness Falls again and writing the character bios for the "About" section. The only problem is I am really struggling between providing too little information and too much information. It's so freaking hard because the stories are so damn complex.

This is what I have so far for Barnabas, JUST covering the first half of 1795. I've filled in a few other points of what I mean to cover. What I'm thinking of doing is covering the character origins and not going too much into depth on their later fates. This will be a pain in the ass for characters whose time lines are changed by Barnabas and/or Julia going back in time to "fix" things.

Eventually character names and places will have links to the other pages, but as I just started, I haven't completed them yet.

Thoughts, criticisms, suggestions?

[Lydia]

You’ve done a very nice job, arashi, and I had fun reading the article.  I have lots of suggestions, but if it weren’t pretty good already, it wouldn’t be worth any additional changes.  I thought about sending you a PM with all my nitpickings, but decided to post them in the hope of encouraging conversation.

Paragraph 1:

I think it is significant that the Collins family didn’t just run a shipping fleet; they also built ships, and had a contract to build ships for the government at a time when the US Navy was still quite small.

If you are going to mention Naomi’s boredom and drinking, then I think it’s worth mentioning that Abigail ran the household, which was one cause of Naomi’s boredom.

Paragraph 2:

I would refer to Josette as Mademoiselle Josette Dupres or Mlle Josette Dupres, not Ms.  Or, if you want to keep it English, Miss Josette Dupres.

"After leaving Martinique, Barnabas and Josette..."  Seems to me that's suggesting that they left Martinique together, though of course that is belied by the rest of the sentence.  But maybe you could say, "After Barnabas left Martinique, he and Josette..."

Correspondence – not correspondance.

My impression (but it’s always hard to say) is that Barnabas was already in love (passionately or otherwise) with Josette when he had his affair with Angelique.

Paragraph 3:

Angelique’s initial plan did not involve having Jeremiah fall in love with Josette.  Her plan was for Josette to behave disgracefully towards Jeremiah, and for Jeremiah, appalled, to tell Barnabas.  It was only when Jeremiah refrained from telling Barnabas about Josette's disgraceful behavior that Angelique decided to have Jeremiah engage in some disgraceful behavior himself.  This matters to me because it says something about the good intentions of Jeremiah and Josette (neither of them wanted to hurt Barnabas) but you may not think it worth mentioning.

Paragraph 4:

Was it because Jeremiah and Josette went beyond Angelique's reach that the spell failed, or was it that Angelique couldn't be bothered to keep it up once it accomplished her purpose?

Paragraph 6:

This is a pain to include in your article, but I think it is significant that the Old House, which Naomi owned and which she was therefore able to give to Barnabas, wasn't just any old house but was the house in which the Collinses had all been living until not long before Barnabas’s marriage.

Paragraph 7:

I don’t think Barnabas had any suspicion that Angelique was a witch until he heard her casting a spell.

Paragraph 9:

Confusion between tenses indicates that this is a rougher draft than what comes before, so I’ll leave it alone.


I’m looking forward to seeing more!

[arashi]

Thanks for all the suggestions! I will definitely implement them. It's been forever since I watched 1795 so I was doing a lot from memory, unfortunately some of this is inevitably colored by Angelique's Descent, but I intend to go back and review to get things correct to the show itself.

I had forgotten about the ship building and Abigail running the household. I will definitely add that.

The whole affair between Barnabas and Angelique is such a sticky topic. Like I said, my recollection is colored by the book so it might be from there that I remember it, was it in the show when Angelique appeared at The Old House before Josette and attempted to seduce Barnabas again that he tried to put her off by explaining that their affair came at a time when he thought he would never see Josette again? Am I remembering that correctly? I wonder, where were he and Angelique alone together that Josette wasn't around? Regardless, he picked the wrong woman for a rebound.

As for Jeremiah and Josette, yes, I will definitely be adding how they both tried to fight their bewitchment for fear of hurting Barnabas. I struggled with what to include for length and importance vs. actions of the character only. But as it is the actions of the other characters that often define the response of the main character, it is important to include it. I think you are probably right about the spell, though if she didn't keep it up there was always the chance of Josette returning to the house - though seeing her in Jeremiah's arms might have pushed Barnabas back towards Angelique in return.

I intended to write a separate article about the history of the Old House, but as it is pivotal to the storyline that the family lived there first while Collinwood was being built I will definitely expand that as well.

The time paradox stuff is such a pain and will be even more so once I hit the characters and events in 1897. And I struggle with just how much to include here, especially with Vicki. Millicent and Daniel and Forbes and Suki, etc. can wait for other characters to be mentioned as they weren't central to Barnabas' story so I left them out for now, but it definitely is a juggling act.

Thanks for all the input! I really appreciate you taking the time to review it and offering all this insight!

[Lydia]

Angelique arrived with Natalie in episode 368, and Josette arrived with her father in episode 370.  If I remember correctly, Natalie and Angelique came to Collinsport via New York, whereas Josette and her father came via Paris.  So Angelique had a couple of episodes to see where she could get with Barnabas before Josette arrived.  And yes, Barnabas very tactlessly told Angelique that at the time of their affair he had despaired of winning Josette.  Or something.  That first conversation between Barnabas and Angelique is wonderfully vague.

I've been thinking that you might want to throw in a paragraph about Barnabas’s pre-vampire character.  Here's what I can think of offhand:

He had excellent manners, on display when he sees a strange young woman in a scandalously short skirt.

He mentioned to Jeremiah that what he found most pleasing in Josette was how respectful she was to her elders (or something like that).  He was definitely not a young rebel.

He also said said to Jeremiah, in the same conversation I believe, that it was Jeremiah who had encouraged him to have confidence in himself, so we can assume that he was not innately self-confident.  This could be why he didn't seal the deal with Josette until they were writing to each other, rather than when they were both in Martinique.

He sympathized with those less fortunate than him, for example Ben and Angelique.

[Mysterious Benefactor]

Very nice arashi. And I really don't have anything to offer because Lydia has pretty much covered it all.

I really look forward to seeing what else you'll be adding...

[arashi]

Thanks Lydia and thanks MB!

I was thinking of throwing in a line somewhere about Barnabas teaching Ben to read and write, as it will definitely come up in Ben's profile regarding the diary he kept and was buried with.