Author Topic: Just What the Heck Is Jeff's Job? (Read 3135 times)

Kid_A_Grue · « **Reply #15 on:** July 10, 2002, 06:10:59 PM »

I think Jeffy is a salesman at Ye Olde Collinsport Wigg Makers (Est. 1788 ). He walks around the store and helps buying customers choose wigs. 'Yes,' he says, running his hands though various wigs of hairs as if they were his own, 'This wig is perfect for you! Just FEEL that hair ship between your fingers!'. At night after closing time, Jeffy put on various wigs and prances around the store, 'oohing' and 'awing' at the feel of synthetic hair in his hands. He models them in the mirrors and dreams of one day introduicing Vicki to his favorite wig, the one he so affectionaly calls ' Bathia Mapes'

Strange yet true....

Kid A

Bob_the_Bartender · « **Reply #16 on:** July 10, 2002, 08:10:04 PM »

Hey gang,

I have to say that you've all offered some wonderful ideas for Mr. Clark's vocation/avocation.

I have to wonder what Jeff lists as his last previous job when he fills out an employment application. Maybe when Jeff, who last worked as an assistant for the remarkable Dr. Eric Lang, ponders what to write down, and..., euphemistically lists his last job the way Vito Corleone once described Americo Bonasera's profession: "Corpse Valet"!

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who urges you guys to always wear a white buttoned-down shirt with a rep tie and blue navy suit for that all-important first interview! (Ladies should wear a similarly styled Evan Piconne suit, minus the tie, of course!)

scout75 · « **Reply #17 on:** July 10, 2002, 08:28:15 PM »

Considering his reaction when Vicki told him that she was telling Barnabas about their engagement, I can only think of one profession for ol' Jeffy: Childish, braying jackass!

Bob_the_Bartender · « **Reply #18 on:** July 10, 2002, 08:45:24 PM »

Dear Scout75,

Well, on behalf of my sex, you must know how we men are, generally, such fools for love. We don't always act in a mature, cooly dispassionate, reasoned manner.

Just look at the actions of the late Prince of Wales, Frank Gifford or Quentin Collins for that matter!

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who wishes that we could all act as rationally as Joshua Collins or Mrs. Hyacinth Bucket's (pronounced "Bouquet") role model, Mrs. Councilor-Nugent

scout75 · « **Reply #19 on:** July 10, 2002, 09:29:33 PM »

Dear Bob_The_Bartender:

I very much believe in passion and maturity--well, it's probably overrated; I just thought Jeff was going to throw a temper tantrum when Vicki told him of her plans to visit the Old House...perhaps even stomp his foot.

I mean, really: is that any way for an 18th century barrister/20th century mad scientist sidekick to act?

I think not...

Sincerely,

Scout 75, who is probably just sensitive to the fact that the DS Personality Quiz correctly pegged me as Barnabas; that and the fact that my coffin reeks of Pine-Sol. Or is it Old English?

Ah, Old English it is...

Connie · « **Reply #20 on:** July 11, 2002, 06:43:33 AM »

Quote

Just look at the actions of the late Prince of Wales, Frank Gifford or Quentin Collins for that matter!

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who wishes that we could all act as rationally as Joshua Collins or Mrs. Hyacinth Bucket's (pronounced "Bouquet") role model, Mrs. Councilor-Nugent

Hyacinth Says...

"While I never make a habit of speaking ill of people,
I DO pride myself on being an impeccable judge of character.
I don't know what this poor soul does for a living in Collinsport, but he'd probably do well to return to his former line of work - selling aftershave."

-CLC

Bob_the_Bartender · « **Reply #21 on:** July 11, 2002, 06:53:03 AM »

Dear Connie,

Do you think that Willie Loomis might be a distant "American cousin" of Hyacinth's "beloved" brother-in-law, Onslow? By the way, I would love to find out the maiden name of Hyacinth, Daisy, Rose and Violet. Maybe it's Crabtree, or, more likely Crabgrass!

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who wonders if Hyacinth's unrequited admirer, "The Major," would be hot for Mrs. Johnson?

Luciaphile · « **Reply #22 on:** July 11, 2002, 10:01:48 PM »

Here's my thought on the subject:

He's employed by a consortium of Collinsport businesses who pay him not to show up.

Luciaphil

Dr. Eric Lang · « **Reply #23 on:** July 11, 2002, 10:08:47 PM »

Quote

Bob the Bartender, who wishes that we could all act as rationally as Joshua Collins or Mrs. Hyacinth Bucket's (pronounced "Bouquet") role model, Mrs. Councilor-Nugent

Perhaps a position on the committee for Jeff Clark?

"I WILL NOT have Harry Johnson brushing up against my walls!"

jennifer · « **Reply #24 on:** July 12, 2002, 12:39:54 AM »

i thought of another one he can help freeze bodies(or heads) since that has been the "hot" topic here in Boston the past week!

jennifer

Bob_the_Bartender · « **Reply #25 on:** July 12, 2002, 04:08:21 AM »

Jennifer,

I wonder if the late, great "Splendid Splinter's" apparently wacky son is somehow related to the late, unlamented Dr. Eric Lang?

You know, when I first heard about this cockamamie plan of taking the head (or some other body part) from this truly great American hero and freezing it ala Walt Disney and/or Michael Jackson, I was dumbfounded! Maybe the truth is stranger than fiction.

Maybe the Dark Shadows people can cryogenically preserve some of its notable heads, such as "Buzz" Hackett, Magda Racosi, Judge Crathorne, and, last, but not least, the irrepressible Jeff Clark!

Bob the Bartender, who always considers Judah Zachary
as being a "heads-up" kind of guy!

jennifer · « **Reply #26 on:** July 12, 2002, 05:11:41 PM »

When i heard the plan i could only think of Judah's head
in that glass case!I wonder if Jeff's hair could stand the test of time (or freezing that is!)It is a weird concept to most of us I quess!

jennifer

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