The Rumble in Collinsport

What if the residents of Collinsport all met down at the park for one of those traditional small town picnics where everyone pairs off to engage in some good old-fashioned fisticuffs? Who would arise victorious from these classic match-ups?

"Sugar" Willie Loomis vs  Buzz "The Hatchet" Hackett

Roger "The Real Deal" Collins vs  George "The Enforcer" Patterson

Jason "Lucky Charms" McGuire vs  Tony "Private Dick" Peterson 

Julia "The Anesthetist" Hoffman vs  Sarah "The Lil' Missus" Johnson

"Blind" Sammy Evans vs  Harry "Big Country" Johnson

Joe "The Nor'easter" Haskell vs  Jeff "Both Hands" Clark

Elliot "The Kid" Stokes vs  Dave "Doctor Rock" Woodard

Garth 'Avenging Angel' Blackwood versus all sinners individually or as a group.

Gregory "Humble Soul Saver" Trask vs. Quentin "The Rake" Collins

Dr. Peter "I don't know when to keep my big mouth shut in front of my adversary" Guthrie vs. Dr. Dave "I too don't know when to shut up when confronting a creature of the supernatural" Woodard

Willie would kick the crap out of Buzz.

The Enforcer would take down Roger in a heartbeat. I can't imagine he can fight well.

This is a tough one, but I take Jason  since he has a shady past. He learned to fight somewhere

Dr Hoffman easy. We've seen her slap people before..

Harry has  been to prison and therefore has the edge

I take Jeff Clark, because we saw Peter beat up Nathan in 1795.

This is a very tough one, but I take Eliot on account of Woodard being dead.

Dr. Peter "I don't know when to keep my big mouth shut in front of my adversary" Guthrie vs. Dr. Dave "I too don't know when to shut up when confronting a creature of the supernatural" Woodard

   But so true...

I'm just gonna throw this out there:

Amy Jennings vs. Istvan

Garth 'Avenging Angel' Blackwood versus all sinners individually or as a group.

I like the idea of a once in a lifetime rematch:

Garth "The Chain" Blackwood vs. Count Andreas "My hand looks like it is covered in old carpet" Petofi

Alternatives for Petofi are "Coke bottle glasses" and "Giant eyes"

The Enforcer would take down Roger in a heartbeat. I can't imagine he can fight well.

I'm not so sure. Patterson probably has knock-out power when he gets all his weight behind one, but I don't think he has the cardio to go the distance. If Roger uses his footwork and significant reach advantage to stay out of range, and softens Patterson up with jabs and body shots until he gasses, I think "The Real Deal" might walk away with a decisive win.

Roger just might be able to take Sheriff Patterson out....George doesn't exactly look like he's kept in shape.

However, I don't think Roger would stand a chance against Burke. [spoiler] Remember when Burke beat Willie within an inch of his life at the Blue Whale. [/spoiler]

I think Burke would have loved to have had the opportunity to do the same to Roger.

Count Andreas "My hand looks like it is covered in old carpet" Petofi

It didn't occur to me till now, but as of the last week or two, my ailing left index finger looks like a Petofi finger.    Maybe Petofi's hand got that way while "still on the vine", and I've got what he had.....

Sarah Johnson would kick Julia's ass. Actually, I think Mrs. Johnson could kick anyone's ass. That's why no one messes with her.

Sarah Johnson would kick Julia's ass. Actually, I think Mrs. Johnson could kick anyone's ass. That's why no one messes with her.

I always thought this too. Mrs. Johnson took no crap from anyone. That's why she's so lovable.

Mrs. J's first name was Sarah?

Death cage match:  Jeff Clark, Sky Rumson, Ned Stuart, Bruno, Burke Devlin, Harry Johnson.  We say the last one standing survives, then kill him too.

Death cage match:  Jeff Clark, Sky Rumson, Ned Stuart, Bruno, Burke Devlin, Harry Johnson.  We say the last one standing survives, then kill him too.

I like how 2 of the 6 participants are identical to each other. Regardless, I like Ned Stuart, because of his extreme temper. Realistically, Bruno and possibly Harry Johnson will get disqualified early on for smuggling foreign objects into the ring. So, if Ned is still standing after that time, this match is his.

Mrs. J's first name was Sarah?

Yes, and did you know she's a grandma?!