Angelique's Dream Curse: Hey, There's Always Room For One More!

Dear Fellow Dark Shadows Fans,

I believe, all told, that there are eleven Dark Shadows characters who experience Angelique's Dream Curse.  I got to thinking about other DS characters I would have liked to have seen "struggle" through Angie's orchestrated nightmare.  I can almost see it now...


(Blue Whale Bar Fly, this one's for you.)


Buzz Hackett sits slumped over the bar in a seemngly empty Blue Whale tavern.  Three slow knocks are heard on the front door.  Buzz rises from his barstool and stumbles over to the door, opening it slowly.

To Buzz's surprise and delight, the coolly beautiful Portia Fitzsimmons stands seductively in the doorway.  (Portia Fitzsimmons, art dealer extraodinaire, the classy kind of woman, who, ordinarily wouldn't even give a creep like Buzz Hackett the time of day on Christmas morning.)

Portia geatures with her hand for Buzz to follow her.  "Okay, baby, are we going to a party?" Buzz eagerly inquires.  A silent Portia smiles slighty and starts to walk away.

The lights begin to shimmer in psychedelic patterns and soft, tinkling music begins to play.  "Hey, baby, this music sounds like 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.'  I feel like we're in 'Beatlemania'!"

Portia stops in front of a heavy, wooden door. She opens it and motions for Buzz to enter.  Buzz flashes Portia a lascivious smile.  "It's just about 'party time,' isn't it, darling?" Buzz asks as he hurriedly enters the room.

Portia slams the door shut behind Buzz.  "Hey, momma, what are you trying to pull on me?" Buzz demands.  He tries to open the door but to no avail.  Buzz turns to view a dimly lit room with fog on the floor and three doors on the other side of the room.

At that moment, Portia's silken voice reverberates throughout the room:

"Through sight and sound and faceless terror,
 Through endless corridors by trial and error,
 Ahead a blazing light does burn,
 And one door leads to the point of return."

"That's beautiful poetry, baby.  It sounds like something Jim Morrison wrote for the Doors," Buzz declares, now nervously eyeing his somewhat eerie surroundings.

And, speaking of doors, Buzz approaches the first door on the right and cautiously opens it.  Buzz peers into the room and is puzzled to see a large, misty area inside.  Midway in the room, a man stands with his back to Buzz.  The mist clears and Buzz now sees an orchestra in front of the man.

Turning to his right, the man slowly waves his arms, and in a strange, foreign-sounding accent, says, "And a-one and a-two..."  At that moment, accordionist Myron Floren and the rest of the boys in the Lawrence Welk band start to play a peppy rendition of Wayne Newton's classic hit "Danke Schoen."

"Ooh, that's spooky!" Buzz exclaims, quickly closing the door.

Intent on exiting this frightening scenario, Buzz rushes to the second door and opens it.  Suddenly, a horrible, four-legged animal appears in the doorway, baring its teeth at Buzz as it rears up on its hind quarters.  Buzz is about to run from the door when the horrible creature suddenly fades from view.

Buzz is now surprised to see a woman and a man, each seated in front of what looks like an expensive piano inside of the room.  They both begin to play a soft melody.  The woman, a cute blonde with a perky smile, gives Buzz a sly, come-hither stare and starts to sing:

"And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed,
Singin' and jinglin' the tango,
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love."

"The Captain & Tennile!" Buzz shrieks in horror, slamming the door shut.  "Oh, man, I must be having a bum voyage. I gotta get out of here!"

Against his better judgment, Buzz opens the third and final door.  Through the mist, Buzz hears the unmistakable sounds of drums beating and a band marching in military precision.

The mist clears, and Buzz sees a tall, gray-haired man (evidently the drum major) leading a band in Buzz's direction.  The man glares at Buzz as he approaches the now absolutely terrified hippie-motorcyclist.  Why, it's Uncle Sam, who stops, points his baton at Buzz, and says in a Darth Vaderlike voice, "Buzz Hackett, I want you!"  The band, as if on cue, breaks into a spirited rendition of "You're In The Army Now!"

"Aaahh!" Buzz screams as everything abruptly turns to black.

Epilogue: Buzz finds himself back in the Blue Whale being shaken by the tavern's irritated proprietor, Bob Rooney.  Buzz decides that it was just a simple nightmare; it's time that he went on a road trip to Mardi Gras in New Orleans just like Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper in "Easy Rider."  Maybe the "Buzz-Man" will bump into the foxy Portia Fitzsimmons in the French Quarter.

"Great, Maine's loss is Louisiana's gain," quips Bob Rooney as he reminds Buzz not to let the door hit him in the rear end as he exits the Blue Whale.

                                     FINE

Hey, gang, can you envision any other Dark Shadows characters experiencing the Dream Curse (Liz, Roger, Harry Johnson)?  What would their dreams be like?

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who will now groove to the happily harmonious sounds of "Love Will Keep Us Together."

Oh my gods...what a riot!!  The Captain and Tenille would reduce me to shrieks in a heartbeat!!

That was worth waiting for, Bob....but next time you go away, warn us so we don't have to start calling the local ER's, okay?  

Raineypark

LOL Bob
it's also better than those dream curses on the show!

jennifer
the last dream curse i remember having was a ball going through a certain ballplayer's legs in the 86  World Series and look it  really happened we're still trying to reverse our curse here so sorry can't think of any new ones

Hey Bob,

I'm touched by your dedication.  To be thought of in the same context as the Captain and Tennile and Danke Schoen is truly and honor.

Good to have you back!

Ahem.  At our wedding, my husband recited lyrics from "Love Will Keep Us Together"--and it was very romantic!

Seriously, Bob, a wonderful job, and not one I would ever consider topping.  

One dream I always imagined Barnabas having involved him being led into a very large bed with all the sweet young thangs he hankered for during the show--and dying in the most pleasurable way possible, an all-too-human male who indulged in more pleasure than he could possibly handle.

He'd surely die with a smile on his face!

Love, Robin

There is no mistaking when Bob is here. ROFL, Bob. Thanks for the laff!!!!

[shadow=maroon,left,300]--Mark[/shadow]

Dear Friends,

I'm glad that you all enjoyed Buzz's "bum voyage."

Raineypark,

I can't wait for upcoming the St. Gennaro festival.  Hopefully, it will come off this year with no problems.

Jennifer,

It's funny how someone's nightmare can be another person's joyous reverie.  I remember jumping for joy when one William Hayward Wilson (better known as "Mookie") slapped that ground ball through that extremely unlucky Red Sox player's legs. (Although, this baseball season is turning into a real nightmare for fans of the NY Metropolitans.) C'est la vie!

Blue Whale Barfly,

Anything for one of my most cherished customers!

RobinV,

I knew that when I wrote this particular dream scenario that I was bound to annoy the fans of Lawrence Welk, Wayne Newton, the Captain & Tennile and Uncle Sam(?).  However, I have to say that I was trying to express how the iconoclastic Buzz Hackett would react to these musical performers.  In fact, if you look up the word guttersnipe in the dictionary, I'm almost sure, that you would find a picture of the "Buzz-Man" next to the definition.  I am positive that Ol' Buzz is stictly into the musical likes of Black Sabbath, Alice Cooper and Judas Priest.  (Personally, I like Olivia Newton John, the
Starlight Vocal Band and, of course, The Cowsills!)

Mark,

I'm glad you got some laughs out of Buzz's nightmare.  Occasionally, I try to come up with some (hopefully) humorous Dark Shadows vignettes.

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who can't wait for the return of the irrepressible one, Jeff Clark!

Bob....to heck with San Gennaro.....

If you really want a return to your roots, come out to Massapequa in June for the Festa del Giglio.  Have you ever seen 100 grown men "dance" a 72 foot tall giglio AND a 12 piece band on their shoulders?

By the way....were there ANY Italians in Collinsport Maine?

Signora Rainia

Signora Raina,

Sure, there was King Johnny Romano.  I went to high school with his great, great grandson, Vinnie Romano of the Joisey Romano's

Ciao,

Roberto

Shame on you Don Roberto.....don't you know the difference between Rom and Italian?  I'll admit the Romany language sounds like a dialect from somewhere off the coast of Sicily, but really....you don't want to offend the 'gypsies' by failing to recognize their cultural uniqueness, do you?  

And yes, by all means, may there be the happiest, liveliest, BEST Festa Di San' Gennaro since the 19th century this coming September....the people of NYC deserve it!

Rainey

Speaking of Myron Floren, Bob...........

My mother once told me that Myron came to our small, fair Wisconsin seaport town to perform (this was back in the late 40's or early 50's, long before his boss got his own TV show).  Of course, every Donna-Reed-look-alike showed up and there he was, with a band as his support, going like gangbusters with that chest organ.  Well, after several sets, as the audience was wildly applauding, he thought he would join in with the clapping.  Mr. Floren turned around, bent over, and began to slap his caboose.  You woulda thought that Gypsie Rose Lee had just performed in a convent.  People were shocked that he would do such a "dirty" thing (he had his pants on, for Pete's sake, but remember what era we're in and where this was).  People talked about it decades later.

Gerard

Dear Bob
from one great baseball fan to another
Our new bridge here in boston has been nicknamed for by some as the Bill B bridge because it  it is shaped like an upside down V and you feel like you are driving right through his legs! LOL

jennifer

Raineypark,


I don't know, but "King" Johnny Romano looks like one of Appolonia's uncles in "Godfather l."


Gerard,

Great story about Myron Floren.  I guess his "booty" slapping gesture in Wisconsin was the 1940's equivalent of the late, great Jim Morrison's "unique gesture" up there on that stage in Miami, FL back during the unforgettably, swinging sixties!

Jennifer,

You know, Bill B. was a terrific ballplayer who came up in the Dodger organization with Bobby Valentine and Steve Garvey a/k/a "Mr. Good Guy."

It's just too bad that Bill B. is remembered for that one, unfortunate play.  It's kind of like Brooklyn Dodger pitcher Ralph Branca (Bobby Valentine's father-in-law), who gave up that memorable (or infamous) home run pitch to Bobby Thompson of the NY Giants.  For years, Mr. Branca was villified for that one bad pitch.

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who wonders whatever happened to Rico Petrocelli of the 1960's to 1970's Red Sox?

Raineypark,


I don't know, but "King" Johnny Romano looks like one of Appolonia's uncles in "Godfather l."

Yeah, yeah, and my husband is a dead ringer for Sam Elliot, but that doesn't make my Boy from The Bronx a cowboy, now does it?

Raineypark, who HATES it when people ask "do you know who your husband looks like?"  

Raineypark,


I don't know, but "King" Johnny Romano looks like one of Appolonia's uncles in "Godfather l."


Gerard,

Great story about Myron Floren.  I guess his "booty" slapping gesture in Wisconsin was the 1940's equivalent of the late, great Jim Morrison's "unique gesture" up there on that stage in Miami, FL back during the unforgettably, swinging sixties!

Jennifer,

You know, Bill B. was a terrific ballplayer who came up in the Dodger organization with Bobby Valentine and Steve Garvey a/k/a "Mr. Good Guy."

It's just too bad that Bill B. is remembered for that one, unfortunate play.  It's kind of like Brooklyn Dodger pitcher Ralph Branca (Bobby Valentine's father-in-law), who gave up that memorable (or infamous) home run pitch to Bobby Thompson of the NY Giants.  For years, Mr. Branca was villified for that one bad pitch.

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who wonders whatever happened to Rico Petrocelli of the 1960's to 1970's Red Sox?

Bill B did take a lot of heat but most of the fans here blamed the mamager here for that loss he  was a great player but it was pretty obvious that he couldn't bend by the end of that game and shold have been taken out by his manager! Oh well What would we red sox fans do if we couldn't suffer anymore!
Rico is around in fact he was quoted the other day in The Boston Globe about steroid use great baseball man

take care
jennifer

know that we got OT but i love talking baseball and you
know the game Bob