Or . . . Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Fashion notes first . . .
Holy cats! Liz's dress is bright--and that bow, yeesh. It's um, exceptionally, large. I mean, the bows are starting to resemble something that would not have been out of place on Nellie Olsen's head. This is not a good thing.
Also, very bad makeup days. Could they put any more eyeliner on Addison Powell? And why would you put that much rouge on men? I have seen drag queens that looked more understated.
Didn't Dr. Lang look spiffy with his headpiece? NOT. He came in with that reflective thingy and all I could think of was that this man probably walked the length and breadth of the hospital so as to let everyone know that he's the doctor--just in case, there's any doubt (which frankly, there would have to be, because the man just screams "fruitcake" every time he opens his mouth).
Rather liked Julia's suits. Very attractive and loved the earrings.
Was less than pleased to see the bright enormous yellow/orange thing. I'm also wondering what kind of toxic fumes would have filled the room if someone had set that thing on fire.
Onto the shows . . .
First, I just have to say that I have seldom laughed more. These are not good episodes, critically speaking. No way, no how. The writing was godawful. I noticed that the last two episodes were without screen credits for writing or directing--now we know why. Not that surprised to find out that Sam Hall and Gordon Russell wrote them, but Lela Swift . . . she's usually so much better. What was with the larger than life, hammy, over the top performances? They weren't on stage--couldn't she have toned the actors down?
It was bad enough that we had to watch Vicki in 1795 freak out every frigging time she saw someone who looked like someone she knew. Having done that to death, now we have to watch her do it in 1968. Why? It's old. It's boring. It makes her look more nutso, then she already is.
Dream Nathan may be scum, but he had a right-on assessment of Peter.
Thought that Vicki handled Barnabas rather adroitly with her insistence that they go to the graveyard. Too bad she couldn't keep up that longer.
Is there a reason why Barnabas had to sit that close to Vicki in the car? Also have to wonder if Vicki has ever actually had any training at driving. I happen to be over the statistical limit for accidents myself, but even I would not have handled a motor vehicle as badly as she did
Katherine Balfour's nurse. I've said it before, but she is something else. She would not have been out of place in a 1930s film--it's like she was channeling Kay Francis. Also, I've got to wonder where the hell she came from that she had no idea who the Collins family of Collinsport was.
As for Lang's dramatic "IT'S 4 O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON!!!" And we thought Trask was loud.
Okay, on to Thursday's episodes.
Soooo, Lang has injected his patient with experimental injections without the slightest clue as to what will happen. What's more, he's told his patient this. Color me skeptical, but this man is a malpractice suit waiting to happen.
What absolutely kills me is that while Barnabas chafed under Julia's careful "we need to proceed slowly" and freaked when things didn't turn out after he went against
her express advice, now he's all enthused for his new health care professional.
Lang is also pretty calm when his patient reveals that he's been in a coffin for over a hundred years. This should have been Barnabas' first clue that all was not well with this guy.
Does no one in Collinsport see what a fruitcake Lang is?
Loved the irony of Roger, of all people, accusing Liz of drinking.
Also liked it that he had the will to resist the siren call of the subject of that really badly painted portrait, but after watching Powell ham his way through three days of episodes, I wish he'd caved.
Vicki and her never-ending freakout at the dumbest things. A guy you happened to almost runover tells you he's registered at the Inn. You call the Inn and find out he's not registered. Conclusion(s) that the average person would reach: you misheard him or he lied. Very simple. There is no mystery here, Nancy Drew. Get over yourself and just chill!!!
Out of the mouths of babes, "I've come this far and I can't think."
Well, you've got that right, girlfriend.
After two days of this idiocy, the burning question in my mind, is why no one started talking about a stay at Wyndcliffe for Vicki, or at the very least, analysis.
Jeff is so damn nasty. Ugh. How could anyone find him remotely attractive?
Back to Vicki, although it pains me deeply. The girl is on autopilot. Every bloody thought she has, she feels a need to voice, whether it's diplomatic, practical, or smart to do so. She sounds like she's either doing some high quality drugs or she's mentally impaired.
Someone needs to commit her or give her a hard slap upside the head.
Barnabas' scream of anguish. If we ever doubted this was a soap, here is our proof. He screams and calls for his doctor and the following does not happen:
1. He waits for two hours for anyone to respond.
2. The nurse does not come in threatening to withhold his j-ello if he doesn't chill.
3. He is not informed that the doctor was through on his rounds at 5AM and won't be back until the following morning.
Lang's parlor. Yeech. All I could think of the very first time I saw this was that he probably has his dead mother upstairs in a bedroom somewhere.
As for Julia and her trying to get information about what Lang is doing--well, somewhere Dave Woodard is laughing. Turnabout is fair play, honey.
Lang's threat to reveal that Jeff is a murderer and a former resident of a mental hospital--okay, Jeff, let's think about this:
1. Vicki has been screaming to anyone who is in hearing distance that she killed someone.
2. She's hardly the poster child for mental stability. It's not like she's going to notice that you're nuts too.
On the other board, Cassandra rightly gave Vicki kudos for having the sense to use the telephone--alas, it was a shortlived experience.
And just why does she have to question absolutely everything? Admittedly Jeff's advice that she not tell Barnabas the engagement was off at the hospital is self-serving, but it does make perfect sense.
There is an etiquette to dumping someone. It's pretty basic. You don't, as a general rule, dump your boyfriend when he's an inpatient. It's just tacky. And then the ditz goes ahead and does it!
This is less obvious, but the K.I.S.S. principle is a good one to employ when you're dumping someone. It really is not going to be a fun experience for the dumpee no matter what you do, but you
can minimize the pain. In essence, you say something like, "You are a really great person, but I'm sorry. I don't love you and I can't marry you." You don't leave it open. You don't say things like, "if it wasn't for so-and-so, I would be with you."
The last thing you want to do is make this about you and your trip through the centuries. It's again tacky beyond belief and besides she sounds like she's stoned.
Barnabas' big decision not to seek treatment. I had to pause the picture I was laughing so hard. It ain't just about you, Barnabas, let's pause now and think about the downside to his existence as a vampire:
1. He doesn't get to have a mirror handy to shave.
2. He can't skip hand-in-hand down the garden path with the girl o'the day.
3. He has to kill people to survive.
Hmmm. You would think that downside #3 would be playing a big part in his decision (daffy as Lang's "solution" is). I would think that Mr. I-Loathe-My-Very-Existence would be thinking about #3. Is he? Hell, no.
The icing on the cake: Lang has the gall to throw "I saved your life and you owe me!" in the face of his patient.
And Barnabas takes this! It's his frigging job, you putz. You owe this crackpot zippo. Since it's not like you give a flying fig about killing people to survive, you pay the bill and you leave. Better still you kill the creep and do the people of Collinsport a big favor.
And it just is going to keep on getting weirder and weirder
Luciaphil
