Nah, the Collinsport slogan should be: Home of the 24 hour coffin store!
That's pretty good alright, but how about, "Personalized Tombstones on Demand."
Yes, you too can afford the luxury and expense of a personalized tombstone in a matter of minutes.
Your family and friends will succumb to gravestones that move in the slightest breeze.
For two easy payments of $19.95, you and your family will enjoy hours of non-stop laughter as the Collinsport Cemetary graves come to life. Free burial not included.