Idle Thoughts--Precision Problem Solving (Episodes 776-781)

Fashion notes first . . .

Apparently in the afterlife, one is not limited to wear the outfit one is buried in. Miss Faye, who expired and was interred in a day dress, albeit a tawdry one, now sports a very pink evening ensemble. Go figure.

Dream Judith had another dress, and a very unattractive one too. What the hell was with the navy blue and the lace? Okay, colorwise, but it looked like they'd sewn two dresses together. And the green bit? I mean, it's fine if it's integrated into the outfit, but I'm really not a fan if you just shove it on in with nothing to tie it to.

Onto the shows . . .

So like Judith shot Rachel at a distance of less than three feet and still manages to look immaculate, considering that Rachel was pretty much covered in gore, that's really quite a feat.

Interesting to learn that Grandmama actually gave her granddaughter a firearm as a gift (a souvenir from a trip to Paris??? no less). Who the hell brings a gun back from France? She couldn't find a hat or gloves or something?

Oh, yeah, move the gunshot victim around like a sack of potatoes through the woods. Way to go, Timmy boy! And did he even attempt to bandage the wound? Heck, no! I wasn't expecting a scene of Tim doing triage or anything, but I dunno, to show him bringing her into the house and with some sort of makeshift bandage already in place--is that really too much to ask?

Ewww, the visual image with Dirk speaking "come to me for your reward" was more than I needed to see, thank you very much.

And way to go Edward! Last time I checked in order to stake a vampire, you had to hit the heart, not the abdomen. Buffy would laugh her ass off at him.

Inconsistency police were clearly not on the job. Tim, aka victim #2 has perfect recall of events post-bite, but Judith, aka victim #3 doesn't. Of course, we can explain it away as denial, I suppose. Particularly since Judith is seduced (at the moment anyhow) by the notion of having a strong man protect her, which by the way does much to explain her dubious attraction to Gregory Trask.

I notice Tim the Dim is getting a little less dim. Finagled his way out of the whole murder charge and landed himself a job. Pretty slick, that boy.

Back to Grusome Gregory. He sets her up every time: he chides her, she apologizes for it, then he tells her to be strong.

I would bet cold hard cash that undertaking is a pretty profitable enterprise (oh, did you want this body buried right away? No questions? Of course, sir/madam, but [cough] there is a fee involved).

"I'm going into Collinsport to get drunk!" Anyone else flash to Michael McKean announcing to the cast of Clue "I'm going home to sleep with my wife!"

Poor Carl. Although the fact that his girlfriend's favorite song was "I Wanna Dance for You" sounds like a warning sign if I ever heard one. Kind of like the 19th century equivalent of someone informing you that their favorite tune is "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35"

For anyone (raise your hands) who has doubts about how quickly Judith is going to get bored with playing the good little wifey, all you have to do is look at the scene with her laying down the law to Carl.

"Gypsy Nonsense." Excuse me while I laugh. I just love it when Barnabas gets all skeptical and turns into psycho boss. Let's review: who cursed Quentin in the first place? a gypsy; has that curse been pretty damn effective? why, yes, yes, it has; have you been able to find a cure? why, no, no you haven't. I would think that a little more good faith was in order here, bucko.

Frankly, this is just sloppy writing. Barnabas isn't just accustomed to the supernatural. He is a supernatural being. I mean, c'mon, Eric Lang showed him a headless corpse, proposed cutting off Jeff Clark's head and then suggested they infuse the whole shebang with Barnabas' life force so he could impress a girl and Barnabas swallowed the whole thing hook, line and sinker. The same gypsy who managed to curse Quentin in the first place, shows up with a severed hand and suddenly it's inconceivable and "gypsy nonsense?

"

Ooh, Carl's lamp is particularly ugly. I think maybe Evan's is still worse, but still a strong contender. I wonder though, it's very distinctive and it's the kind of thing that people bring onto the set of Antiques Roadshow only to be told it's worth $10,000.

Mr. Speedy Stonemason notches yet another tombstone on his belt. I wonder if he finds out who's staying at Collinwood and then makes them up in advance?

So like does Angelique have a job for Satan or does she just wander around at liberty?

Speaking of Miss Bouchard/Blair/whatever she's going by at the moment, I'm no fan of the character, but enough already about how so-and-so died and this is all your fault because you cursed me. Rachel died because Dirk was a whack job. End of story. Nobody forced Barnabas to bite Rachel or Dirk. He did that all on his own. Grow up and take some responsibility.

But then two seconds later, Angelique blows my sympathy vote. She bemoans Barnabas not changing? Honey, go take a long look in the mirror.

These signature tunes have me thinking--do you suppose the people living at Collinwood just cringe every time Quentin starts playing his Victrola? Kind of like the way my family does when I get on a kick for some CD (No one in my house ever wants to hear Harry McClintock again

)

It's good to see that the self-involvement gene just races through all the Collinses. Ya know, I realize that Quentin has some serious personal problems, but watching him with Carl--my God, way to give Dirk competition for being an utter creep, something that takes an awful lot of doing.

I'm also annoyed with this apparently familial tendency to go for the drastic action as opposed to taking a little effort (i.e. talking Carl out of the whole Barnabas thing, which seems like a preferable alternative to killing your brother).

As far as trapping Carl in the mausoleum went, that was just disturbing to watch (and how heartless was Angelique? Let Barnabas have to kill someone so he can learn to be dependent on her. Oh, yeah, you got my sympathy, bitch).

Again with the damn song. Okay, it's a nice melody, but how anyone can hear that and think it suggests anything risque is beyond me. Potted palms perhaps, that's about it.

And Mr. Problem Solver swings into action! Oh, there we go, he tries to calm Carl down by use of his disembodied voice. Kind of like in a horror film when the crazed killer runs down the hall with an axe promising not to hurt anyone.

Okay, and the reason why Barnabas couldn't just hypnotize Carl or bite him and hypnotize him, was what???

Well, that was something you don't see every day--a body falling forward from the curtains in a nice drawing room.

I would really, really love to hear, just once, one of Trask's suspects/victims politely clear their throat and say, "Why don't we take a walk into town and see the police?" But noooooo, why do that when they can argue and give this creep the authority he so does not have?

Did Trask nail the cross to the coffin? Couldn't Barnabas just push the cross off? Also, Barnabas was interred (unless I'm much mistaken) in the mausoleum, no? Was he really buried in the Old House basement? So why would Charity need the basement soil?

There's a point in 1897 where the writers are clearly working without an outline. I don't think we're quite there yet, but it seems like we're closing in on JTS time.