hey gang,
We've seen Dirk Wilkins transform (some might use the word devolve) from a somewhat resentful grounds keeper ("Why should the prodigal son, Quentin Collins, get all of those women?"), to Laura Collins' lackey, and finally to a "confused" creature of the night.
You would think that Dirk, now being a supernatural godfather (so to speak), would forget about Laura and spread his vespertilian wings in search of new, "fertile" territory. Dirk could head south to a city with a much warmer climate, say, Atlanta. No, on second thought, that fellow Thomas Rathburn controls that "territory." And, forget about New Orleans. Dirk would never get along with that toffee-nosed Lestadt.
Dirk seems content to schlep along in Collinsport, pining for that insufferable Laura Collins. (God, what a bore!) I will say one thing for Dirk; He's the only creature of the night to accomplish the "vampiric hat trick," specifically, biting three, count 'em THREE victims in the space of one night! (Wayne Gretsky and Gordie Howe, not to mention Count Dracula, would be greatly impressed by Dirk's noteworthy achievement.)
By the way, Dirk's vampire "attack" on Tim Shaw is a Dark Shadows landmark of sorts. It is, I believe, the first time that a male vampire bites another man on the neck. (Barnabas' earlier attack" on Dirk doesn't count because Mr. B. was in his "flying bat" state when he noshed on Dirk's throat.)
Actor John Karlen once recounted, that back in 1967, the Dark Shadows producers felt that Barnabas should bite Willie Loomis on the wrist (rather than on the throat) when Willie first opened Barnabas' coffin.
Apparently, the Dark Shadows powers that be (or were) felt America was now ready and sophisticated enough to see the aftereffects of a "same-sex" vampire attack/hickey in 1967 (or 1897).
Of course, the Dark Shadows viewers would also get to see a "same-sex" attack/hickey involving two women in 1970. (After all, turnabout is fair play, but much more about that later.)
In any event, regardless of Mr. Wilkins' status/position, Dirk is most definitely a jerk(/nitwit)!
Michael Kelso, the handsome but unbelievably blockheaded character of That '70s Show may be the 20th Century's answer to Dirk Wilkins.
Kelso is a young guy who jumps for joy when he hears the ringing of the bells of the Good Humor truck as it makes its way up the block; Kelso is also a guy who keeps his impatient girlfriend waiting to be picked up after work, until he sees the last few minutes of an episode of The Jetsons ( Hey, what's wrong with that?). Kelso is a guy (much like Quentin Collins) who apparently suffers from a severe case of satyriasis, and cannot remain faithful to his significant other.
So, who's the bigger nitwit, "Daffy" Dirk Wilkins or "Moronic" Michael Kelso? It's really a tough call. It's like that joke Joan Rivers once told about voting in the 1996 presidential election. Said the mordant Ms. Rivers: "Voting for either Bill Clinton or Bob Dole is sort of like choosing your favorite Menedez brother (Lyle or Eric)!
Bob the Bartender
PS How about Los Angeles as a new base of operations for the vampiric Dirk? Nah, that other creature of the night (and one groovy dude) Blacula reigns supreme in the city of the angels.
