Originally posted by RingoCollins on the Dark Shadows: General Discussion Forum on January 30, 2002 at 09:12:29:
...David Letterman
And now from the Greatest City in the Universe, it's Burke Devlin....[Burke is led onto stage by two beautiful, leggy babes, both played by TLATKLS. He touches his toes, and straightens his lapels.]
Burke/Dave: 'Did you folks hear that Mike Tyson wants to fight again? Or was that BITE again? What does he think he is, a VAMPIRE? [cut to audience shot, crowd in hysterics]
'We have a busy show tonight, so lets get right to it, is he over there? Ladies and gentlemen, my Dad, Paul Schaffer, with his comb-over of the new millienium. First up, 'Hairpiece/Not A Hairpiece', raise the thing there, and start the clock. Our contestant is Dr. Fisher, from Collinsport - Paul, waddaya think? I say hairpiece'
Paul: 'I didn't even start the clock'
Burke: 'Aw, screw it, he's only in one episode, didn't even make the almanac - let's get on with 'Stupid Ghost Tricks' Remember this is for entertainment purposes only - please, no wagering. [Paul and the Collinsport Orchestra play 'London Bridge'] 'Hey nice outfit! What's your name sweetheart, and please, don't bite my face, or I'll have to get out the fire extinguisher!'
The Ghost of Sara Collins: 'My name is Sara, and I' wanna say High to my Brother Barn and Cousin Ringo'
Burke: 'Wachya gonna do for us, Sara?'
Sara: 'I have a riddle, then I'm going to disappear!'
Burke: 'A riddle? who do you think you are, Frank Gorshin?' [cut to audience shot, crowd in hysterics - Sara looks confused] 'Oh, sorry, what's your riddle?'
Sara: 'When is a flute not a flute?'
Burke: 'I know this one, it's an old one from, say, 1795!! The answer, When it's a recorder!'[cut to audience shot, crowd in hysterics] Sara?. . . Sara? .. What the #*#!$& happened there?' -- How are we on time? OK? Let's go out to Rupert Gee, who has John Edwards for the Psychic Sandwich. Go ahead and start making the Sandwich, Rupert. And John, the chief of police in Charlotte NC called, and said you need to check in with him!! What's the name of the meal Rupert is making?'
John E: 'Don't know Dave, but I have a message from one of your ex-wives...'
Burke: 'Hey, we're getting tight on time, gotta go to our musical guests: 'The Spirits of the 60's' Gary Wright doing 'Dream Weaver', Jim Croce with 'Time in A Bottle', Henry GROSS and Charlie Rich doing 'Behind Closed Doors', and Al Stewart's 'Time Passages','I Like Dreaming' and a big finish with Zager and Evans 'In the Years 2525, 1995, and 1840' [all right out of todays commercials!!]
Now here's Vickie Winters, plugging her new movie 'Love Story' where I play the romantic stiff, so to speak! [cut to audience shot, crowd in hysterics] Let's see a clip:
'Vickie, nothing is going to take me away' [Burke sneezes] Ah Ching, Ah ching - Sorry, I gotta go, gotta plane to catch' Vickie hands him a ticket and sez 'You're flying Air Taliban?'
[cut back to Burke on top of Vickie on the couch - studio audience gasps!]
We gotta go folks, but remember, I will be on Oprah tommorow, so set yer VCR's!!
----
World Wide Pants, not affiliated with any kinda nutcases, other than Ringo.
