"Actor J Karlen draws upon his Sicilian roots for inspiration in this scene from the ABC hit show Dark Shadows"

Lol.  That sure works with the visual!  (But John's Polish, not Sicilian.  His ex-wife was Sicilian, so maybe he got it from her!)

Willie:  It's the lamps in this place, Jason.  They're out ta get me.

(Borrowing from another thread.)

Oh, and the man of steel caption was fabulous!  (Or in Willie's case, maybe it's the man of steal....)

Maggie was horrified and disgusted by her father's accident right there in front of Barnabas Collins!

...that he'd caught Sam Evans and Sheriff Patterson in a compromising position.

... Magda wonders what the words "Battlestar Galactica" on his back mean.

Oh, that made me bust out laughing!

Barnabas thinking:  Hmm, the teeth in this thing are really sharp.  I never noticed that before.

ECS: "I swear, I found two mistakes in the multiplication tables you're teaching David with!  And Hawaii and Alaska are NOT states!"

Oh, that is a good one Magnus!

Roger:  I'm sorry to say this, Cousin Barnabas, but you have the worst case of psoriasis I've ever seen.