^_^ That’s hilarious MagnusTrask and very creative!

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Sam:  It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done.

Maggie: Cool it pops, you’re just talking out the trash.

^_^

I should’ve added a snarky reply from Maggie for added fun, but even now I can’t figure out the wording. 

Hehe thank you ^_^

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Rodger:  I know it’s painful Liz, but we had to throw the last case of store bought mayonnaise.  It was four years out of date and Matthew couldn’t even keep it down when he tried it.

Hehe yeah.  Thanks

I think I was tempted to come up with a reply to the Sheriff, but figured something like “Why do you want to know?” Might not add anything to it. 
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Sheriff Patterson:  Is that kick me sign standard business attire? 

Rodger:  No our Governess has the wit to encourage David by letting him play practical jokes if he’s spelled it right and his homework is done. 

Hehe
Thank you

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Sam:  The note on say don’t tell Maggie that Burke wasn’t driving that night. 

Hehe thanks ^_^

I know I intentionally left it a mystery, but I wonder if I was remembering the con that a woman tried to do with the Wendy's chili situation years ago. 

Hehe yeah ^_^
Thanks.

Sam trying to bribe him with ____ would be a fun setup for a fill in the blank too.
But I think I covered the cheapest bribe entry. 

That’s cool. 
I didn’t usually have the sweet version of ham, so it was a new experience.
I ended up trying an at home version with ham and white cheddar, but the raisin bagels I used didn’t do the trick, so I did blueberry.  Mmmm

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 . . . diner wouldn't be all out of __ pickled porcupines upside down cake ___