JH: "Well, it's up to you of course... I could jimmy the lock on the basement door, and leave big red cardboard arrows on the ground from Roger's bedroom all the way down to the coffin this morning... OR you could consent to a little companionship with yours truly..."

Hmm . . are you going for one of those Family Circle follow the kid's path kind of thing for that first part? 

When they told her she'd learn her lines or eat them she never knew they were being serious. 

Elizabeth:  Devlin be a dear and use deodorant before you pour yourself a scotch. 

Roger: I would appreciate it if you would allow me to take David into town so that We can buy his first athletic supporter.

Elizabeth: Uh oh... should I tell him?

That makes me think of my idea for a bumper sticker that says "Proud to be and athletic supporter"

Mrs. Johnson:  Mrs. Stoddard that son of yours is evil I tell you, evil!  Yesterday I was cooking stew and he actually cut up some potatoes and put them in.  And just today I was carrying out some snake trays and he opened the door for me.  

Abrigale--"Of course i like your dress Countess..but does your dress match any of the drapes around here??"

a literal lol   good one

Jeb:  Your tag is showing.  And the tag says not to use washboards for cleaning it.