Julia thought Barnabas was under an evil spell, but it turns out he just likes staring at shinny things. 

Mrs.Johnson: Oh No, no no... I can't allow anyone up stairs today, its carpet beating day and I might beat you instead of the carpet.. very dusty.. if you know what I mean.

literal lol
==============
Mrs. Johnson just noticed the antique stair railing had butt imprints on it.
Mrs. J:  * whistle * Darn gargoyles are sliding down the banister again!

I don't get it, but any Red Dwarf mention is cool in my book!     And I think it was Morgan's rectum that was ready to burst all the time, not his bladder...

I'm glad you liked the Red Dwarf mention.
Hmm . .  let's put it a different way.
Oh, man why do people always have to die when I want to watch TV.  

Josette:  Wait I'm getting married . . I don't understand.
- - -
Josette:  What do you think Angelique?  I got it on sale.  I thought it might be a nice dress for a special occasion.

I am familiar with the surrealistically disconnected Family Circus, but am not versed in it.

Ah, so that's a no.  Okay.  . . uhm . . I'm no expert in it either by the way.  I just remember every once and a while they would have  dashed lines and arrows showing where the kids have been and the result of them being there.  I thought that's what you were going for. 

Gabriel:  I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

Quentin:  And I can't believe you ate off my left pork chop sideburn, it's not a real pork chop you know.

Rodger (out of picture looking at funeral):  Oh Spirit, can I change what I have seen in the future? If I mend my ways now, will things be different?

Spirit of Christmas Yet-to-come:  No, but if you give me fifty bucks I'll put a smiley face on your tombstone.