Hey gang,

I happened to watch the 1945 film, "The Enchanted Cottage," on Turner Classic Movie recently.  In the film, the lovely Dorothy McGuire (uncharacteristically) plays a rather plain young woman named Laura Pennington, a woman who comes to work in a home located in New England.  In fact, the name of the town (or estate) in which she is employed is called "Eastwood" (sort of like Dark Shadows' own Collinwood).

Laura's employer is a stern, practical woman named Mrs. Minnet (sp?), who, as portrayed by veteran character actress Mildred Natwick, looks and sounds a heck of a lot like Mrs. Johnson.

In the film, young Laura falls in love with a returning wounded war veteran, portrayed by Robert Young.  As I saw Ms. McGuire and Mr. Young walking along the rocky shoreline of that unnamed New England state (possibly Maine), I could not not help but think that that scene reminded me of seeing  Barnabas and Vicki walking along the rocky cliff at Widow's Hill.

I wonder if Dark Shadows creator Dan Curtis may have been inspired to create the great Gothic soap opera after seeing Dorothy McGuire and Robert Young in this almost ethereal romantic film classic?

Anyway, Merry Christmamas and Happy Hanukkah to all of my fellow cousins across the vast and wide super information highway!

Bob the Bartender

Hey gang,

Just wanted to let you all know that the Turner Classic Movie Channel will be airing the uproariously funny 1971 film, "Bananas," starring Woody Allen (as the "immortal" Fielding Melish!) at three o'clock this Monday morning.

In the flick, Dark Shadows actor Bob "Blue Whale Bartender Bob Rooney" O'Connell portrays an FBI agent, who interrogates Woody Allen (ersatz/phony South American "liberator" Fielding Melish) in a scene at (I think?) Kennedy Airport. 

I can't tell you, how absolutely thrilled I was, to see Mr. O'Connell actually attired in a suit and tie, rather than in that drab flannel shirt, we always used to see him wearing, standing there behind the tap at the Blue Whale, with that all-too-ubiquitous stogie in his mouth.

Now, don't blink (or, God forbid!) go to the bathroom, or you might miss Mr. O'Connell deliver his one line of dialogue in this hilarious film.  (Watch for the late, great sports announcer Howard Cosell, doing "blow-by-blow" commentary, on the consummation of Woody Allen's and Louise Lasser's marriage in the film.) 

Okay, all of you Dark Shadows insomniacs, you'be been warned!  (I'm not taking any chances myself.  I'm setting my Sony Betamax videorecorder to "SP" speed to record Mr. O'Connell's one-and-only shining moment in a Woody Allen film!)

From Caption This!

M:(thinking) I can't figure out why this little girl from MAINE sounds like she's from Phili!

Buzz,

Oh, yes, little Sarah has a definite Philadelphia accent.  Then again, she could also hail from just across the mighty Delaware in Trenton, NJ.  (Believe me, south Jersey and north Jersey are poles apart in their respective patois!)

Then again, KLS , ("Ms. Land of a 10,000 Lakes") with her Old "Hoowse" pronunciation, sounds like she could also say "oout" or "Eh?" like a true Candian sometimes!

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...Of Television Programs To Watch, Now That The Sci-Fi Channel Has Pulled The Plug On Dark Shadows:

(1) Tune into Carleton Sheets' "Get Rich Through Real Estate Purchases Infomercial."  (If Burke Devlin could make his first million that way, why can't any of us do it too?)

(2) Watch both ABC's "Good Morning America" and NBC's "Today Show."  (See who can affect more "sincerity" and "empathy" while interviewing a guest, Diane "The Ice Queen" Sawyer or Katie Couric, the undisputed "Queen of Perkiness.")

(3) Check out C-Span's "Washington Journal" with the always equable Brian Lamb.  (Familiarize yourself with the political platforms of both Congressman Dennis Kucinich and the Rev. Al Sharpton before their respective presidential campaigns, not to mention their respective political careers, fade into oblivion a la Harold Stassen and Ross Perot.)

(4) Turn on the Weather Channel.  (See if that perpetual thunderstorm front over Hancock County, Maine, home county of the mythical and beloved town of Collinsport, Maine, has, in fact , ever shown any sign of moving out to sea like even Bill Malloy's corpse eventually did.)

(5) Tune into ESPN's "Body Shaping Show."  (Endeavor to get in shape by getting off of that couch and forcing your overweight and over-aged body to do all of those aerobic and body building exercises along with Kiana, Mary-Jean, Page, Rick, Jennifer, Kendall and the rest of the gang on the show!)

(6) Put on the morning repeats of "Nash Bridges" on the USA Network.  (Check out how cool Don Johnson still is, and marvel at how that perfectly-tailored vest under his suit almost conceals that late, fifty-something paunch of his.  Come to think of it,  the aging, former star of "Miami Vice" might want to check out ESPN's "Body Shaping Show" too!)

(7) Turn on MSNBC's "Imus In The Morning Show."   (See if the "I-Man" can stay awake, let alone sentient, for the entire program.)

( Watch the Ronco Rotisserie Grill Infomercial in its entirety.  (Of course, the host/inventor of this wonderful product is the esteemed Ron Popeil, who also invented the renowned "GLH-9 Hair Treatment," which many of the male characters/actors in the recent 1840 story line, apparently, took "full" use of!

While watching Mr. Popeil painstakingly explain and demonstrate, how quickly and effectively the Ronco Rotisserie Grill can cook even a large Thanksgiving Day turkey in less than half the time of an ordinary conventional oven, think of how Willie Loomis could have used one, plugged via extension cord from the Old House, into the cigarette lighter of Barnabas' Cadillac Eldorado, cooking Willie's nightly meal of hot dogs and a can of B&M Baked Beans.

And, just imagine how quickly Mrs. Johnson could have butchered the much-anticipated ham dinner at Collinwood on Easter Sunday.  Yes, Mrs. Johnson brings new meaning to the famous Ronco Rotisserie Grill motto: "Just Set It and Forget It!" like, "Just Set It and Ruin It!").

(9) Detemine whether "Live With Regis and Kelly" or "Living It up With Ali and Jack" routinely gets the vaunted "A-List" guests on their show, such as Bill Murray, Beyonce Knowles and Shirley MacLaine or the dreaded "B-List" guests, such as Antonio Sabato, Jr., Salt N' Peppa and the always irrepressible Mario Cantone.  (My money is on Mr. Philbin and Ms. Ripa for getting the "numero uno" guests on their show!)

(10) Finally, tune into "Simply Quilts" on HGTV.  (See if you can follow the nice lady's directions so that you can finally sew your own God-damned version of that unbelievably ubiquitous patterned quilt, that appeared even more frequently than either dirtbag Buzz Hackett or that always convivial bartender, Bob Rooney, ever did, on four-plus years of Dark Shadows!!!)