The following is a short list of words and phrases used regularly by the good people of Collinsport, Maine. However, common as they are in Collinwood, how often in your own lifetime would you ever have the opportunity or occasion to use them yourself?

1. "Open the coffin."

2. "He's in that other time now."

3. "But . . . you're dead!"

4. "It must have been some kind of wild animal."

5. "We must find her and destroy her."

6. "The body . . . it's gone!"

Please add to this list other expressions common only to the townsfolk in Dark Shadows.

What are some of your biggest Pet Peeves concerning Dark Shadows? I'm not talking about broader areas like weak writing, bad acting or crummy story lines, but the little things that really gnaw at you.

For me it's when they keep changing the 1795 dates. Vicki goes to 1795, lives thru the beginning of 1796, yet dates of deaths and other incidents we saw happen in 1796 are referred to as happening in 1795, and then later, in 1797!

The other thing that drives me nuts is when people in Collinwood hear a car pull up to the front of the house, and they look out the back window (in the drawing room) to see who it is. Hello! How can they see the front of the house by looking out the back of the house? GRRRR!!!!!

What little things like that drive you nuts?

Dr. Julia Hoffman has arrived on the scene with her little black bag of goodies. Do you need an upper or a downer? Julia's got 'em all!

Like Barnabas, I feel in need of a stimulant today. Although I would usually profit from a good valium most of the time, today I just need a little pick me up.

What ails you? Julia's got the cure. What do you need Dr. Julia to give you today?

Why does Nicholas keep giving Angelique so many second chances? How many times has she promised to follow his orders, only to turn around and disobey him the moment his back is turned? It was a collossal mistake for Nicholas to bring Angelique back as a vampire - he should have left her "dead" after he removed her powers, let her age and die. It seems like he never learns his lesson.

Is it Nick's enormous ego that convinces him he can control her and that she poses no serious threat to him because he thinks of himself as being so vastly superior? Does he keep her around simply to continue feeding his ego with the power of that control? Or does Nick perhaps have few lustfull thoughts where Angelique is concerned? Does she have to be his slave in other ways??

In any case she is his downfall and if he were a tad more careful, or smarter, he would have dispensed with her. Why do you think he keeps her around?

Did anyone notice at the end of episode 547 (Tuesday on Sci Fi) when the aged Cassandra turned up at Collinwood, and Roger beckoned to Julia to help the old woman, Julia responded "My bag is in the drawing room" even though she had just entered the house with Barnabas?

So Julia leaves her bag laying around the house when she's not there? With all those drugs in it? Wow - David was probably experiencing the psychadelic 60's at a very early age!!!

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones Aunt Elizabeth gives you
don't do anything at all
Go ask Julia - when she's ten feet tall.

And if you go chasing vampires
And you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a pipe smoking Professor
Is giving you the call
Call Julia - when she was just small.

When men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some of Mrs. Johnson's mushrooms
And your mind is moving low
Go ask Julia - I think she'll know -
When logic and proportion have fallen floppy dead
And the gypsy is talking backwards
and Judah Zachary is off with his head
Remember what the Phoenix said . . .

Feed your head . . . feed your head . . .

The problem with Nicholas and his association with Maggie Evans is that in order for it to work Maggie is made to look quite stupid - either that or Julia Hoffman has been by lately with her medallion for another round of memory wiping!

Has Maggie already forgotten that Vicki stayed at her place because she was trying to avoid Cassandra - whom she revealed was actually Angelique? Even Maggie herself saw Angelique in Vicki's room. Maggie is well aware of what's going on at Collinwood thanks to Vicki, who herself blasted Nicholas the last time she saw him. Maggie knows about Cassandra, and she knows Nicholas claims to be her brother - she knows the score so why is she opening her door to this man with a big smile on her face as though he were the most harmless stranger in town???

The other unlikely part here is David's inability to remember the message on the tape for Julia. He's heard it enough times by then to have it memorized regardless of whether he understood it or not. And what are the chances that a precocious kid that age is less adept at running a tape recorder than a witch who just arrived here from the 18th century? She knew about the fast-forward button before he did!

Sloppy, writers, sloppy!

Was David Collins at a mental institution while he was "away?" Or perhaps spending a little time with Julia and that medallion of hers?

How quickly David's family seems to have completely forgotten the reason for the seance only a few "weeks" ago. Prior to Vicki's trip to 1795 the household was in a state of panic over young David who claimed to see all sorts of things from coffins in basements to secret rooms in mausoleums to Sarah the ghost.

Did David - and his family - simply forget about David's morbid fear of Barnabas? Have they decided that the entire Sarah episode is over and done with, and not worth concerning themselves over any longer? What of the fact that Victoria, obstensibly David's governess, has learned that there is in fact a secret room the the mausoleum? I guess Vicki is so self-absorbed and obsessed with Peter/Jeff she hasn't bothered to consider that David was telling the truth about that room all along . . . and possibly about the rest of the things he saw as well!