Maggie:  "Dammit, never have a handkerchief when I need one."

Gerard

Willie:  "Hold on a second, Maggie.  Let me apply just a touch more blush on your cheeks.  Now listen.  I don't care if anyone knows I've been assisting a monstrous vampire, that I know Barnabas murdered Carolyn, and I could've stopped all this by just going to the law.  But if you ever tell anyone that I can do complete makeovers, Maggie, I'll never speak to you again.  I've got a reputation, you know.  C'mon, he's waiting.  Let's get this over with.  I've got to do Mrs. Johnson's hair and makeup tonight and if she's late for her date with Sheriff Patterson, she'll kill me."

Gerard

Willie:  "...I had a dream my life would be, so different from this hell I'm living!  So different now from what it seems, now life has..."

Gerard

Julia (thinking):  "This chandelier hanging two inches from my nose is really beginning to bug me.  Who got drunk and decorated this house?"

Gerard

Maggie:  "Friends?  Barnabas told you to tell me we can 'still be friends?'  He couldn't even say it to my face, he sent you to do it?  Well, Willie, you can tell Dracula for me that my roster of 'friends' is all filled up.  Oh, and as for his music box, you just let him know that it'll make a great gift from me to Julia...as an ashtray."

Gerard

Eliot:  "I don't care what you say, Julia, we are not going to Rehoboth Beach again this year.  We go every year and never have a moment to ourselves because your family is always dropping in and, frankly Julia, I'm sick of them especially that snooty Aunt Natalie of yours, thinking she's better than everyone else and where does she come off with that hokey French accent of hers?  For crying out loud, she's from Bayonne!  No, this year we're going to the Poconos and that's that!"

Gerard

Todd:  "When they told me I'd be working at Chippendales, I thought that meant I'd be selling furniture.  Eh - it's a living."

Gerard