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16
Recap of Last Week's Episodes

EPISODE 55 (released 1/16/12)
Sheriff Patterson is ready to question Roger about what happened to Bill Malloy, but Roger is more interested in asking the Sheriff what happened to Constable Carter. Apparently, he's on a permanent book tour after cracking the Bleeder Valve case, proving once again that these reality shows can make a star out of anybody. They break the news to Roger that Bill is dead. Liz tells him that Matthew found the body and pushed it out to sea to save the family from gossip. This is quite a shock to Roger, who all this time had thought that Matthew was stupid.

Sam shows up to visit Maggie. Apparently, Burke has cancelled his sitting again, to go look for Malloy, so Sam has come in to the Coffee Shoppe to see if any news about Malloy has come in over the grapevine. Unfortunately, since all the customers are non-speaking extras, they don't say much.

At Collinwood, Liz is serving hors d'ouvres. George says they'll know more about the case once they find Bill's body and perform an autopsy. Roger seems a bit uncomfortable about this, and wonders why you'd need an autopsy for someone who fell off a cliff. Wasn't it proven that Bill had drowned? Or didn't they all agree that he'd drowned? The Sheriff says that usually isn't good enough for a judge. They tend to be sticklers about the law, which is probably why most of them became judges in the first place. Roger persists in asking why you'd need an autopsy to determine how a man that fell off a cliff died. George says perhaps to find out if he'd been shot before he went splat. Liz tosses away the tray of hors d'ouvres, her appetite now shot.

Back at the Coffee Shoppe, Sam is trying to get that Full Confession letter of his back from Maggie. He's started to get cold feet, and reasons that the mere fact that the letter exists will keep anyone from harming him, even if it doesn't exist, as long as someone thinks it does. Maggie says that's not fair to her. If she destroyed the letter, and something did happen to Pop, she'd have no idea what had happened or who to get revenge on.

At Collinwood, George is grilling Roger. Roger says he last saw Bill at 10 p.m., until he realizes that that might make him the last person to have seen Bill alive. He retcons the time to 8 p.m. until Liz points out that Bill's housekeeper Mrs. Johnson saw him at 10:30, prompting Roger to put the time back to 10 p.m. Roger tells George about the meeting in his office once it becomes clear that George knows about it already. But he claims to have no idea why the meeting was called. Sam and Burke didn't know either, although he now remembers that when Burke realized that Malloy wasn't coming, he tried to come up some story that the meeting was about exonerating him of the manslaughter charge. For some odd reason, George puts away his pen and starts taking Roger's testimony down in pencil.

Roger tells George that Bill didn't seem the least bit upset when they talked. Liz, on the other hand, says that he'd seemed very upset indeed, and talked about having a difficult decision to make. Roger changes his story again to say that yes, Bill did seem upset, come to think of it. Very upset. Maybe even suicidal. George says strange, five minutes of talking with Roger, and he feels the same way.

At the Coffee Shoppe, Maggie is jumping to several wrong conclusions. As soon as Sam let it be known that the letter existed, Bill Malloy disappeared. Is he the one threatening Sam? Sam says that's rubbish. There's nothing the least bit suspicious about Bill. He's the most innocent, clean cut, clean living, upstanding guy he knows. Maggie says that for a sailor, that's actually pretty suspicious.

At Collinwood, Roger elaborates on his theory. Liz had talked about bringing Ned Calder back to run the plant. Perhaps Bill was upset at the thought of losing his desk job and going back to the boats, and decided to end it all. Liz points out that Ned turned the job down, but Roger maintains that perhaps Bill was taking no chances. George says that Bill was at the Blue Whale all day on the day he disappeared. Could he have been inebriated? Roger says yes, now that you mention it, he did seem absolutely blotto when they talked. In his condition, Bill might very well have walked off widow's Hill without realizing what he was doing. George wants to know how come Roger never tells him anything until he mentions it first? "Because I didn't know... that it was important, I mean!"

George leaves, but Roger still has to face Liz. Liz is incredulous that Bill called a meeting in Roger's office with Burke and Sam and that Roger claims to have no idea what it was about. Bill had talked about finding new evidence in the manslaughter case. Could that have been it? Roger says he'd thought it was going to be a surprise birthday party for him. ("But it's not your birthday." "That's what would have made it such a surprise.")

George shows up at the Coffee Shoppe, and asks Sam how the artwork is going. It's dull, almost like watching paint dry, which is why Sam stopped in for a bite. George takes a quick phone call, and tells Maggie that the Coast Guard has just pulled Bill's fetid, moldering, blue, seaweed covered body out of the ocean. As all of Maggie's dinner customers file out the door, George realizes that he might have come up with a better way of phrasing that.

17
Episodes 57 and 58 of Dark Shadows Captions, the photocomic retelling of the original series, closed captioned for the comedy impaired, are now online at:

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/current/


Widow's Hill Notes (like Cliff Notes, but better) to previous episodes can be found at

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/epguide/

18
EPISODE 50

Vicki meets Carolyn on top of Widow's Hill. Carolyn says that when she's restless, she often goes up there to look at the stock footage. Liz is very upset about Malloy's disappearance, as he's been with Collinsco ever since he was an Assistant Swab 3rd Class, and Carolyn thinks that maybe the Widows can tell her what happened to him. Vicki tries to be the Voice of Reason, and assure Carolyn that there are no such things as ghosts, but is tripped up by Carolyn's asking "How do you know?" (There's usually a Gentleman's Agreement in these shows to never ask that question.)

At Collinwood, David tells Liz that he can't sleep. There are ghosts in his room! Liz sends him back up anyway, saying it must be as bad for the ghosts as it is for him. Vicki and Carolyn come back and help console Liz, who not only can't find Malloy, she can't find Roger either. (Have I mentioned that these episodes would be 2 minutes long if they took place in a time after cell phones had been invented?) Carolyn says not to worry. Malloy's only been absent from the last 4 episodes. Heck, it's been a lot longer than that since anyone saw Matthew.

Vicki tells Liz how Carolyn tried to scare her with ghost stories about The Widows. Liz says it's no joke. Two people have fallen off that hill... More or less. The number seems to change every time someone tells the story. But the point is that it's been prophesied that another person would fall off some day, and what if that person is Bill? Carolyn objects that around here, violent death isn't a prophesy, it's a lucky guess.

Heading back to her room, Vicki finds the word "Death" written on her mirror. Without any evidence or anything, she assumes David did it, and drags him in to clean it off. David claims innocence, and thinks the Widows did it. Vicki notices that the handwriting looks a lot like the homework he turns in. David says that proves it, because he always has his homework done by a ghost writer.

David runs out with the usual tears and threats, but Carolyn is spooked by the idea that maybe the Widows did do it. She points out that the word "Death" is written in Strike-a-Pose Rose lipstick. Carolyn doesn't wear that shade, and neither does Liz or Vicki, so where did it come from?? Vicki theorizes that maybe David has some weird private life that they don't know about... as opposed to the weird ones they do know about.

In the Drawing Room, Liz is grilling Roger about Malloy's disappearance. Vicki said he was there the night he disappeared, and that he and Roger were arguing about something. Roger claims Malloy was angry that he'd mismanaged some of the accounts at the office.  He's annoyed at how plausible Liz finds this story to be. He says he went out after that in order to meet with Bill at his office, but Bill never showed up. They met at 11 o'clock at night rather than during business hours because Malloy had some names to call Roger that he didn't want the secretary overhearing. It's as simple as that.

Carolyn and Vicki come downstairs, still arguing about whether a ghost would wear Strike-a-Pose Rose lipstick, rather than some more somber shade (like Rise-From-The-Dead Red?). They leave, saying that they're going out to look for a wristwatch that Carolyn dropped on Widow's Hill in the opening scene. After they leave, David comes down, and prophesies that they won't find a watch, they'll find Death! Liz drags him back to bed by the ear, showing that she really knows how to spoil a grim pronouncement.

On Widow's Hill, Carolyn and Vicki see what looks like a dead body floating in the surf below. Rather than flying off the handle, they discuss the matter carefully and calmly between themselves. They look very carefully to make sure that it isn't a trick of the light or something, and after careful and thoughtful consideration, run off screaming at the top of their lungs.

19
Recap of last week's episodes

EPISODE 49

Burke comes into the Coffee Shoppe as Maggie is on the phone talking to her bookie. The odds of her making it to the end of the series are 8:5 against, and she wanted to get a piece of that action. Burke asks if she's seen Bill Malloy. Maggie says everybody has been asking about him today. Burke tells her that Sam and Roger must have been the other two. She's surprised that he knows this, but Burke claims to have seen it in David's crystal ball. (Maggie had thought it was the world's largest soap bubble). Maggie says she'd offer Burke a cup of coffee, but knows he's been trying to cut down on the stuff ever since he went to Aspen and skied uphill. Burke says Malloy's disappearance has got him back on the stuff, and asks if he can chew Maggie's fingernails, as his own are still worn down.

Joe comes in and orders one black one. (He explains that he was talking about coffee, when Maggie offers him some of the diner's salad). Turns out Joe is looking for Bill Malloy, too! ("What, is there a scavenger hunt today?") Carolyn comes in, and she's actually NOT looking for Bill Malloy ("Who's the weirdo?", asks Maggie).

Burke heads to Evanswood to badger Sam about where Malloy is. Burke tries to bribe Sam to tell, but Sam says even Burke can't buy information that he hasn't got to sell. Burke says that Sam must have something to do with his manslaughter charge, because Malloy had said that anyone who was involved would be at that meeting. Sam says that Malloy was involved, and he wasn't there. So if someone who was involved could not be there, why couldn't someone who wasn't involved... be there? Confused, Burke tries to bribe Sam into coming up with an answer to that question.

Back at the Coffee Shoppe, Joe asks how we know that Burke himself isn't responsible for Bill's disappearance.  He's not satisfied with Carolyn's answer: "Because he's such a hunk." Joe tells Carolyn how David's crystal ball predicted that she would marry Burke. Carolyn says she doesn't like the idea of a ball predicting her future... but on the other hand, you can't fight fate!

20
Episodes 51 and 52 of Dark Shadows Captions, the comedy photocomic retelling of the original series are now online at:

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/current/


Widow's Hill Notes (like Cliff Notes, but better) to earlier episodes can be found at

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/epguide/

21
Recap of Last Week's Episodes

EPISODE 43 (released 11/28/11)
Malloy comes into the Coffee Shoppe to pump Maggie for information, but, since she's on duty, he's unable to get her drunk to do it (that seems to be the method of choice for getting information these days). Unfortunately, Bill knows more about what's going on between Sam and Roger than she does, so the Hunter soon becomes the Hunted. Malloy warns Maggie that her father may have dangerous information. Maggie quickly deduces from this that it must have something to do with Roger, Burke Devlin, and that traffic accident 10 years ago. (In these early episodes, Maggie is still a pretty sharp cookie. Later on, she becomes as clueless as Vicki, which, as we've previously theorized, was probably the result of Vicki sneezing on her at some point).

Bill goes to the pay phone to call Roger, but doesn't have enough money for the call, as he just gave his last two cents worth to Maggie. Vicki comes in to tell Malloy that Liz is looking for him, which is a surprise to Bill, as he thought he was looking for Vicki. Vicki says that Liz found her and then sent her to look for him. (These episodes would be about 2 minutes long if they took place at a time after cell phones were invented).

Vicki and Maggie chat a bit about how Malloy has become such a gloomy old gus lately, just like Joe Btfsplk. They never mention that name though, they just refer to him as "that comic strip character who goes around with a dark cloud over his head". (We can't tell if they avoided mentioning the name because of copyright reasons, or because nobody knew how to pronounce it).

At the Blue Whale, Malloy is now getting himself drunk, since Sam isn't around. Joe comes in, saying that everyone was wondering why Bill didn't show up at the cannery today, so naturally they looked for him at the Blue Whale. (Hmmm...) Bill confesses he's got some bad news to tell Liz, and has decided to try Sam's method for coping with unpleasant facts, but unfortunately, it isn't working. Joe says that that's because with Sam around, there isn't enough booze left in town for anybody else to cope with so much as a hangnail.

At the Coffee Shoppe, Maggie is depressed about what might be going on between her Pop and Roger. She asks Vicki to try to cheer her up with some of her naive, dopey, unquestioning, chirpy-eyed optimism. Vicki says no, but ends up doing it anyway. Sam comes in and learns that Malloy was there looking very depressed, and went off to the Blue Whale to get drunk. Sam wonders if Bill might be upset about whatever he told Bill when Malloy got him drunk the other day, and, just to be on the safe side, Sam gets drunk again to forget. (These plot of these last few episodes could be condensed down to a single sentence: "Everybody looks for everybody else, and gets drunk".)

Sam shows up at the Whale to talk to Bill, but with a difficult task ahead of him. He wants to find out whether he told Bill anything he shouldn't have while he was drunk, but also, if the answer should turn out to be no, to make it look like he never asked anything about what he said, and wasn't the least bit concerned about it. (You've heard of beating around the bush? In this scene, Sam beats around the arboretum). Malloy doesn't want to blab it in public, but admits that Sam did tell him something about Burke, Roger, Laura, and that traffic accident 10 years ago, Sam tries to dismiss it saying that he was drunk and you can't believe anything he says when he's drunk. Since Sam is drunk NOW, Bill takes that as a reason to disbelieve Sam's denial. (Wow, Bill should have been a lawyer!).

Joe shows up at Collinwood, just as Carolyn is calling Vicki to say she's in Bangor with Burke Devlin. Unwilling to lie, Vicki tries to evade Joe's questions about who she was talking to on the phone, but she simply doesn't have Bill's Skills (Bill Skills? Is that like Blue's Clues?), and eventually sings like Tweety Pie.

At the Whale, Sam has just confessed the whole thing to Malloy, and said that he's wanted to come clean about it for these last 10 years, but just couldn't bring himself to do it. Unfortunately, since he confessed most of it offscreen, we the viewers don't know any more about it than we did before.






EPISODE 44 (released 11/28/11)
Vicki creates a metaphysical dichotomy, as she narrates about Malloy's recent revalations, even though she couldn't possibly know anything about them. Dan Curtis makes a note to anonymize the narrator some day, but that "My name is Victoria Winters..." introduction is just so catchy, that it takes him a long time to get around to it.

Carolyn comes in to the Blue Whale, and finds that Malloy is still there, waiting for Happy Episode (which is like Happy Hour, but only half as long). Malloy asks about her lunch with Burke. Carolyn assures him that their meeting wasn't intentional. She was going to Bangor to shop anyway, and only met Burke there accidentally, at a restaurant that she goes to all the time anyway (The Chez Whatchamacallit, or something like that). Malloy says he believes her, and says that a fine, upstanding, refined, elegant, young model of womanhood like Carolyn would never lower herself to chasing after a man who had absolutely no interest in her. Carolyn isn't sure whether to kiss Bill or slug him for this comment.

Back at Collinwood, Liz still can't get in touch with Ned Calder (Ned really needs to invest in an answering machine). In the meantime, her banker, John Harris drops in and reiterates how much Liz needs Ned back running the Cannery again. We learn here that Ned used to run both the fishing fleet and marketing side of the business, but since he left, the duties have been split between Malloy and Roger, with middling success. Malloy understands the fleet, but not the marketing, while Roger doesn't understand either. And even Bill has proven a bit too naive for the job. Once, when a Federal Investigator came by looking into unethical business practices at the Collins Cannery, Malloy simply handed the man a folder marked "Unethical Business Practices".

The conversation gets a bit personal, when Harris tells Liz that she not only needs Ned to help run her business, she needs him to help get her life back in shape. Liz rankles a bit at this, and asks Harris since when he has the right to opine about her personal life. (He replies, ever since he saw the contents of her safe deposit box).

Ned finally calls, but says he won't return to Collinsco unless Liz gives him a wedding ring as a signing bonus. Liz turns him down, but Harris insists that it would have been a great business move. With luck, it might even have been romantic. Liz points out that she's still married to Paul Stoddard. And even though Paul deserted her 18 years ago, she wants to stay married to him in order to have the legal right to make his life a living hell should he ever return.

With the small talk out of the way, Harris produces the paperwork for David's Trust Fund. The fund will guarantee David a lifelong income. Enough at least to keep him out of the "Will Work For Food" tax bracket, but he will be unable to touch (i.e. piddle away) the principal which keeps the fund going. Harris assures Liz that the fund will operate as long as the United States has a solvent monetary system. Liz says that if that's the best he can do, so be it.

Harris warns Liz that she had to borrow heavily to set this fund up, and that the notes she signed are Demand Notes, which means they could theoretically be called in for payment at any time. Of course, as long as she pays the interest, there's no reason anybody would do that unless they wanted to destroy her family or something. The Sound Effects man, not known for his subtlety, tosses in a little "Boing!" sound at this point. Harris continues, saying that luckily there's nobody who would want to destroy her family. At least not anybody with enough money to do anything about it. Liz says he can stop now, as even the most dimwitted viewer has seen where this is going by now.

When Carolyn returns from her lunch with Burke, Liz asks Mr. Harris to entertain himself while she kills her. Harris says that getting to watch that would have been more entertaining than anything he can think of, but he agrees to stay in the Drawing Room, while Liz chews out Carolyn in the Foyer. Before she can really get going, Malloy comes in, demanding to talk to Liz, so it's off to the Drawing Room with Carolyn too.

Malloy says he's got bad news about Roger. Liz assumes it's about the awful way he's been managing the cannery, and says she asked get Ned Calder to return. Malloy is fine with this,and has no objections to Ned taking his job. He says he'd rather be out on the boats again doing what he loves best, instead of having to sit in a stuffy office in that monkey suit all day. Liz tells him that the term "monkey suit" is supposed to be metaphorical, and that he can feel free to wear a regular business suit to work if he prefers.

Malloy warns Liz that Burke intends to prove himself innocent of that DWI manslaughter charge and that he (Bill) has stumbled across evidence that might prove that Burke wasn't the one driving the car that night. Liz asks if Bill is insuating that Laura was driving, but Bill says no, it couldn't have been Laura. She was drunker than either Burke or Roger that night, and didn't even regain consciousness until halfway through Burke's trial.

Meanwhile, in the Drawing Room, Carolyn is plying Mr. Harris with stupid banking questions. What would happen if all the depositers withdrew their money at once? What would happen if someone tried to open a $10,000 savings account with pennies? If a depositor closes their account, do they have to give the free calendar back? In answer to the first question, Harris tries to explain how banks are now insured against bankruptcy by the F.D.I.C. Which means, in layman's terms, that if all the depositors did withdraw their money, the government would tax it away from them, and give it back to the bank.

Carolyn mentions that she knows Burke Devlin. Harris is envious, and wistfully opines that if he could manage Burke's accounts, he'd be living at the corner of Easy Street and Disgustingly Rich Boulevard. No such luck, Carolyn explains, because Burke travels with his own personal banker. A man named Nicholas James Blair. As Harris realizes that this is the same guy who was trying to buy up Liz's Demand Notes earlier, the Special Effects Man (who is no more subtle than the Sound Effects Man) actually animates a dollar bill with wings flying offscreen.

Back out in the Foyer, Liz demands to know what horrible secrets Bill has uncovered about Roger, but Bill doesn't want to divulge any of them until his case is complete. Longtime soap opera fans realize that he's setting himself up to be bumped off without revealing any of them, but Bill never watched much TV.

While Liz and Bill are arguing, Harris rushes out to warn her that the man trying to buy her Demand Notes and Burke Devlin's banker are one and the same man, but Liz says yes, yes, she'd figured that out three scenes ago. Even with Burke's attempt thwarted, Bill is horrified to learn that Burke has started moving against the family, and rushes out saying that for the first time since he's known Liz, he's going to have to do something without her approval that she knew about. Bill storms out, leaving Liz to wonder what that "that she knew about" part meant.

22
Episodes 45 and 46 of Dark Shadows Captions, the comedy photocomic retelling of the original series are now online at:

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/current/

We continue to turn up things you never knew were in those early episodes; a Quentin cameo, another Barnabas reference, and even a phone call between Roger and Mrs. Johnson.

We've continued the practice of putting in audio files from the original episode (marked with a speaker icon), at strategic places.  Also, the recaps of previous episodes have been renamed "Widows Hill Notes" (like Cliff Notes, but better).

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/epguide/

23
Episodes 41 and 42 of Dark Shadows Captions, the comedy photocomic retelling of the original series are now online at:

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/current/


A special feature this week.  In addition to the comedy version, we also present Episode 42 with the original dialogue, as broadcat. The laughs are pretty sparse in this version, but it may have some kind of interest

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/current/0042straight.htm

24
Episodes 35 and 36 of Dark Shadows Captions, the comedy photocomic retelling of the original series are now online at:

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/current/

A new feature has been added.  Selected captions have a "Speaker" icon in them, which, when clicked, will play a .wave file from the original show that roughly corresponds with the caption dialogue.

25
Yeah, there's some truth to that.  A show where the Good Guys always and automatically do the right thing, and there's no question about it can be very facile.

You may know that Harlan Ellison and Gene Roddenberry had such a disagreement about Harlan's version of City on the Edge of Forever.  In the original version, the conflict is initiated when a minor crewmember named Beckwith is running drugs on the Enterprise, and kills a crewmemeber about to expose him, then escapes to the Time Planet.  Gene wouldn't go for it.  "Our people wouldn't act that way."  Harlan's attitude was if you stick 430 people on a tin can in deep space, doesn't it stand to reason that you might get a bad apple or two in the barrel?  But no, Gene had these ideas about the ultimate perfectability of the human race, and didn't want any non-Boy Scouts in his crew.

The end of the show had a similar problem.  In Harlan's version, Kirk is unable to bring himself to keep McCoy from saving Edith Keeler when push comes to shove, and so Spock has to do it for him.  In the aired version, whatever angst Kirk may have about it, you know he's going to fall in line and do it when the time comes, and he does.  I always found Harlan's version more believable.  Old "change the conditions of the test" Kirk wouldn't just accept that somebody had to die, and do it.  The way the problem was set up, it wasn't necessary for her to die necessarily, only to be prevented from forming her pacifist movement.  There are lots of way of doing that.  If Kirk were a real person, he would surely have saved her now, and worried about the other later.  The aired version is very facile compared to the story originally intended.

Dark Shadows is similar.  It's never a given that anyone is going to do the right thing.  When these deeply flawed characters do break through and do the right thing, it means something, because they fail as often as they succeed.  But still, I can sympathize with a parent who thought it wasn't a great show for children.  It might be good for kids, if the parents sat down afterwards and talked out all the issues that were raised, but many parents don't want to do that, and just use the TV as an electronic babysitter. 

26
Chief Secretary of Hell is pretty appropriate, considering he has a DESK.  There are a few things DS did that I have a hard time believing were unintentionally funny.  I think a few things, like Diabolos' desk were deliberate funnies on somebody's part, that they thought nobody would notice.

27
It may have been.  That is the name that was used in the Dark Shadows Viewmaster Reel

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/viewmasterds/index.htm

And Viewmaster often worked with early drafts of scripts, that were changed by the time the show made it to the air.  (For instance, in their Star Trek Viewmaster reel, the original name of Raintree is still used for the security guard, but in the show it was changed to Galloway when David L. Ross was cast in the part).

28
In a way it is a Biblical literalist's dream.  Check this dialogue from the transcript on my website:

"(Julia) Then... why did you come here? You have powers at your command, why don't you bring Eve to life?"
"(Nicholas) If that were the case, I could have used them to avoid the first two experiments. Why didn't I do that?"
"(Julia) You tell me."
"(Nicholas) Because it was imperative that Eve be created artificially, the same as Adam was."
"(Julia) Why?"
"(Nicholas) For the answer to that, I refer you to the book of Genesis. The original Adam and Eve were tempted by the Master."
"(Julia) By... Satan."
"(Nicholas) I know him... by another name. At any rate, the first man and woman yielded to temptation, sinned against their maker. For this they were punished. But they remained his children nevertheless. Now... now after thousands of years, there is a new Adam, a new Eve! Different from every living human being and yet... human, just the same. And they, and all who they breed shall be the children of my master!"
"(Julia) It's... monstrous!"
"(Nicholas) Yes. It is intended to be."

Side Note:  This makes the whole Diabolos business even more convoluted than it was.  The original idea was that having the Devil on TV was a bit too much, so they filed the serial numbers off and made him "Diabolos", a Prince of Darkness, but not any particular one, mind you.  Of course they never called him that onscreen, so you had to read the credits to even notice it.  But now Nicholas comes flat out and says that Diabolos is Satan, making you wonder what the point of the name change was in the first place.  That's why  my page has that one caption that always cracks me up no matter how many times I read it:

"(Nicholas) Genesis, Chapter 3, okay? Adam and Eve were tempted by the Master."
"(Julia) By Satan!!"
"(Nicholas) I know him by another name. A super secret name. A name that no mortal has ever heard and lived to tell the tale!"
"(Julia) Oh, you mean Diabolos."
"(Nicholas) D'oh!"


Anyway, it's true that Nick and Ang are the bad guys, but I can buy the idea that some might not think it a great show for kids.  Like Peyton Place, there really are no Good Guys, or very few at least.  On DS it's usually less Bad Guys vs. Good Guys than it is Bad Guys vs. Not-Quite-So-Bad Guys.  From seeing it as a kid, I remembered Barnabas as being a good guy, but when seeing it years later, was surprised how seldom he was.  Well, Julia was a good guy, at least.  No, not really her either.  Seeing it again years later, I was surprised how quick she was to abuse the doctor/patient relationship with Maggie, and cut corners whenever necessary to get what she wanted.  At first she seemed to have some idea of winning the Nobel Prize for her anti-vampire elixir or something, and after that, she was Barnabas' enabler.

It's a good show, but not a great show for kids, as there are no real role models.  Everyone is either deeply flawed, or perennially out of the loop.  Some struggle against their flaws harder than others, but there's really nobody you'd want to emulate, at least not consistently.  People have little flashes here and there.  It really is like a supernatural Peyton Place, which wasn't a show for kids either.



29
RECAP OF LAST WEEK'S EPISODES

EPISODE 23 (released 9/12/11)
While Vicki prepares to teach David a lesson on Maine history, David reads Nightcrawler Comics, on the off chance that they may contain the answers to some of her questions. (Hey, on this show, stranger things have happened).

Constable Carter arrives to investigate the accident. Roger wants him to arrest Burke, but Carter thinks that might have been a little easier before he and Malloy tampered with the wreck themselves. Liz interrupts, desperate to discuss Vicki's Foundling Home letter with Roger before she does. Roger doesn't want to talk family secrets in front of the F-u-z-z, but Liz assures him that this one isn't illegal. Carter pretends to be too engrossed in the portrait of Isaac Collins to notice any of this discussion.

Upstairs, David seems oddly agitated about what the penalty for attempted murder might be, and wants to know the worst thing Vicki has ever done. Her juvenile delinquincy record doesn't compare with his, and all she can think of is once giving another girl at the Foundling Home a bloody nose. And even that only happened because Vicki bumped into her while she was drinking a Bloody Mary. Vicki gives David his history test. Despite the fact that the answer to every question is "Maine", David only manages to score a 75.

Roger and Liz tell the Constable the whole bleeder valve story. Carter wants to know why Roger waited for 12 hours to call the Police. When Roger explains that he wanted to try to blackmail Burke into leaving town first, Carter pretends to be absorbed in that painting again.

Upstairs, the lesson is still going on. According to Vicki, the first Christmas tree in America was in a French settlement in (where else?) Maine, in 1604. A Google search shows that it was actually in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania in 1747, but nobody calls her on it. (Just as 60's TV viewers didn't have freeze frame, they didn't have Wikipedia either.)

Vicki is called downstairs, but every time the Constable asks her a question, Roger answers for her. This continues until Roger finally gets tired of being asked "Is your name Vicki?". Vicki admits that Burke never said anything threatening, and didn't have any grease stains on his hands or clothes. Carter thinks the case doesn't quite add up. Burke might be angry, but he doesn't seem to be completely nuts. Why would he go after Roger in such a blatant way? Why not hire a hitman? Roger says that doesn't mean he's nuts, just that he's cheap.

Vicki, Roger and Carter all go to get the wrench (must be a big wrench!). Liz catches David eavesdropping, and he's quite agitated to learn that they want to check it for fingerprints. Carter returns and deposits the wrench on the table so close to David that he can taste it. David "accidentally" knocks it on the floor and picks it up. No matter, says the Constable. It just means that if we find his fingerprints on it now, we won't suspect him of sabotaging the car, like we would have otherwise. Ditto for his tongue prints, since David actually did try to taste it before picking it up.



   
EPISODE 24 (released 9/12/11)
It's Allowance Day, and Carolyn enters the coffee shoppe with the entire inventory of Macy's under her arms. Carter comes into the Coffee Shoppe looking for Burke, but Maggie wants to know why he's so interested in their doughnut selection. Carter tries to explain that they ran out of fingerprint powder at the station, and he needed a substitute, but Maggie isn't buying it. Carolyn orders two pies. Maggie sassily asks if she's eating for two, only to find out too late that the second one is for use on smart-alec waitresses.

Carter catches Burke in the lobby and asks to talk to him. Burke says sure, he just wants to grab some lunch and coffee first. From the way we saw Burke blow through coffee in Episode 22, the statute of limitations will have expired before the Constable ever gets to talk to him.

Joe tells Carolyn that his plans to buy his own boat have been pushed forward. He's found one for sale that he likes, although it will need a few extras. Sails, motor, hull, et cetera. Carolyn wants to know since when the hull of a boat is considered an extra, but Joe tells her that women just don't understand fixer-uppers. Carolyn says she thought Joe wouldn't be able to afford a boat for another year, but Joe explains that he's arranged to go halfsies with an offscreen character, Jerry Gerst. Carolyn hopes his money isn't offscreen too.

Burke comes in for that lunch, and tries to muscle in on Carolyn again when he sees her and Joe together, by making a date with her after Joe has to go back to work. After Burke leaves, Joe swears that one of these days... one of these days! POW! Right in the kisser. Jackie Gleason sues for copyright infringement.

Back in his room, Burke tells the Constable he's innocent. Sure, he blew his top 10 years ago, but he doesn't want to kill Roger. And if he did, he'd much rather do it with his bare hands than by tampering with his brakes. Carter wants to know why he was looking at Roger's car. Burke repeats his story about wanting to buy one like it, but breaks down and admits that he was actually hoping to foreclose on Roger's if his payments weren't up to date. Burke argues that if he were desperate enough to tamper with the brakes, wouldn't he have tried to dispose of Vicki when she spotted him? Carter says that from what he's seen of Vicki, Burke might have thought it would hurt Roger more to leave her in his hair.

Burke summons Carolyn upstairs. She confirms that the only reason Burke was at Collinwood that night at all is because she had invited him, and that he was reluctant to go. But once alone, she says she's heard about Burke's portrait, and thinks Burke lied to her about leaving town. Burke explains that since he's not allowed to leave town anyway, he'd rather have his mug shot done by a professional artist than by some county clerk with a Polaroid. He insists that most of the portraits at Collinwood were created under similar circumstances.

When Carolyn leaves, Burke calls Bronson and tells him to meet him in Bangor in an hour and a half. Bronson says no fair, they've already used his arrival as a cliffhanger in Episode 21. With all this buildup, "Bronson" had better be Charles.

30
Episodes 25 and 26 of Dark Shadows Captions, the comedy photocomic retelling of the original series are now online at:

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/current/

A new feature has been added.  Selected captions have a "Speaker" icon in them, which, when clicked, will play a .wave file from the original show that roughly corresponds with the caption dialogue.


The main page URL is

http://graeme.t15.org/burkedevlin/

where you can find re-caps of earlier episodes and other special features.

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