DARK SHADOWS FORUMS

Members' Mausoleum => Games => Topic started by: VAM on March 22, 2002, 05:06:59 AM

Title: Collins' Library
Post by: VAM on March 22, 2002, 05:06:59 AM
After watching Josette looking at the" Collins' History," it made me wonder what other titles were on those shelves at Collinwood. Let's help and create a collection for the library at Collinwood. Keep in mind who the users are and
you make the selection! ;)
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Mark Rainey on March 22, 2002, 07:54:22 AM
Well, I'm certain it is a large library and will require many books; so here's a mere sample of books I should enjoy contributing:

Tonight Must Go Nothing Wrong and Other Stories by Anonymous

Is That Really a Head in a Box? by Flora Collins

My Search for the Elusive Peruvian Spitting Llama and Why One Shouldn't Do It by Burke Devlin

Don't Mention the War by Basil Fawlty

The Connoisseur's Guide to Brandy, Cognac, Sherry, and Other Intoxicating Potions, Including (but not limited to) Bloody Marys, Gin & Tonics, Long Island Iced Teas, Manhattans, Martinis, Mint Juleps, Mudsides, Rum & Cokes, Strawberry Daquiris, Whiskey Sours, White Russians, and Vodka Collinses by Bob Issel

Angelique's Indecent! by Para Larker

The Ubiquitous Stylus by William Malloy

In Which Pooh Goes Visiting and Stumbles Upon a Mobile Gravestone (Oh Bother) by A. A. Mayday

The Art of Flinging Cats by Alex Stevens

and finally...

How I Learned to Love Propecia (A True Story) by Dirk Bradford Delaware Tate-Clark

Mark
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Minja on March 22, 2002, 08:27:48 AM
Here's my ideas for the library, inspired by Mr. Rainey...God Help Us All!!

Basic Anatomy by The Late Dr. Eric Lang MD

You're OK, I Don't Understand by Victoria Winters
(subtitled: Favorite Foundling Stories)

Helping Hands by Victor Fen Gibbon

and.....

Mummie (and Daddy) Dearest by David Collins

Always, Minja
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: RingoCollins on March 22, 2002, 08:36:58 AM
Quote from: VAM on March 22, 2002, 05:06:59 AM
After watching Josette looking at the" Collins' History," it made me wonder what other titles were on those shelves at Collinwood.

On TLM's shelf:

A Do-it-yourself Guide to Car Repair - by Dick Loudon


For Nathan:
Crystal Balls and Tight Trousers - by Ron Nasty [aka Neil Innes]


For Carrie:
Touring Napa Valley - The Great Whine List [self published]

For Judah Z:
Comb-over ...or Shave It All? - by Floyd Lawson [with introduction by Paul Shaffer, forward by Bruce Willis]

--

The Herb Garden by Prof. Stokes [ghost written by [ghost]Ringo]



[was gonna use '101 things to do with a dead cat', but the Stevens work is better, Mark! ;)]
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: VAM on March 22, 2002, 02:23:47 PM
Knew when I posted I would get some wonderful replies ...especially from Mark, Minja, and Ringo. ;)Thanks for sharing -

There are many more shelves to fill!
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Bobubas on March 22, 2002, 05:44:39 PM
[easter_smiley]
The Collins' families library wouldn't be complete without a few Dan (Marilyn) Ross novels gracing its shelves. (http://www.1eltern.ch/yabb-smiley-sets/easter/smiley.gif)Midnite, how do you like the Easter Bunnies? No evil bunnies here. ;) [easter_smiley]
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Midnite on March 22, 2002, 07:02:51 PM
Quote from: Bobubas on March 22, 2002, 05:44:39 PM
(IMG) ... Midnite, how do you like the Easter Bunnies? No evil bunnies here. ;) (IMG)
Hee hee!!  Absolutely love them, Bob!
[easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley]
Oh dear, I guess this is what we get for letting those 2 bunnies get near each other, huh? ;)
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: jennifer on March 22, 2002, 07:49:54 PM
Quote from: RingoCollins on March 22, 2002, 08:36:58 AM
For Nathan:
Crystal Balls and Tight Trousers - by Ron Nasty [aka Neil Innes]

now you are making me blush Ringo thinking of that visual! :o

jennifer
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on March 22, 2002, 09:01:45 PM
Dear Fellow Dark Shadows Fans,

How about this title:

      Cocktail Man - the Unauthorized Biography of Robert Rooney by Ezra Braithewaite

        This book exposes all of the choice morsels of gossip that Mr. Rooney has amassed over the years, as Collinsport's most popular bartender:

         Who is the real father of young David Collins, heir to the Collins fortune?

          Why did Mrs. Stoddard suddenly leave town nearly twenty years ago.  Was it really just to "visit" relatives in New York?

           When Sheriff Paterson flies out to Las Vegas for that annual law police chiefs' convention, who is that lady he registers with at the hotel as "Mrs. Patterson"?  (The real Mrs. Patterson, back home, would certainly like to know.)  Does the sheriff really wear a toupee when he hits the gaming tables?

            Why hasn't Professor T. Elliot Stokes spoken to his sister, Hannah, in over ten years?  Does it have something to do with the professor's questionable disposition of the Stokes family fortune?

              Are the Collinsport docks becoming New England's equivalent of Eighth Avenue and 42nd Street or Wilshire Boulevard on a "busy" Friday night?  And why has Harry Johnson been seen driving around in a souped-up Cadillac, and dressed ostentatiously, like Ron O'Neal in the film "Super Fly"?

These and other sordid matters will be disclosed in Cocktail Man - soon to be made into a major motion picture starring Tom Cruise as the omniscient bartender.  Reserve your copy now!!!

             

               

         
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Raineypark on March 22, 2002, 11:00:57 PM
How about a set of "Hooked on Phonics" for Ben...

A copy of "The Secret Garden" for Sarah....

"Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainence" for Carolyn and Buzz.....

...and could we PLEASE leave the Reverend Trask both a copy of "The Exorcist" and a clue?!
Raineypark
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Gerard on March 23, 2002, 12:13:07 AM
Of course, when Mr. and Mrs. Roger and Laura Collins were expecting their little bundle of joy, they purchased a copy of Dr. Spock's book on the care and raising of children.  Sadly - as exemplified by the behavioral problems of their son - the only thing the book was used for was to prop up an uneven table leg in the laundry room.

Gerard
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Dr. Eric Lang on March 23, 2002, 03:23:45 AM
They should definitely have a copy of "Witchcraft for Dummies."
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: VAM on March 23, 2002, 04:20:24 AM
Quote from: Dr. Eric Lang on March 23, 2002, 03:23:45 AM
They should definitely have a copy of "Witchcraft for Dummies."


Thanks for replying to my post and welcome to the board!
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Minja on March 23, 2002, 04:34:07 AM
Quote from: RingoCollins on March 22, 2002, 08:36:58 AM
Crystal Balls and Tight Trousers - by Ron Nasty [aka Neil Innes]

This was actually ghost written by Ringo "I think it was the trousers" Collins!

Quote from: Bobubas on March 22, 2002, 05:44:39 PM
Midnite, how do you like the Easter Bunnies? No evil bunnies here.

Hey! I want bunnies! How do I get bunnies? Tell me please, please, pretty please!

Always, Minja

And I just thought of another...
Harry Potter Ain't Got Nuthin' On Me by Jamison Collins
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Tanis on March 23, 2002, 04:44:47 AM
How about a copy of--

"The Night Has A Thousand Eyes" for Anglique

"Tombstone"  A saga of the Collins family cemetary.

"Tales From The Crypt" or commonly known as "At Home With Barnabas"  The Martha Stewart of Masoleums.
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: The charming Mr. Blair on March 23, 2002, 04:56:29 AM
Joshua Collins the great American Visionary and patriot would have an interesting assortment of books.

Adam Smith: An Inquirey into the Nature and Causes of Wealth in Nations
Thomas Paine: Common Sense
Immunal Kant: Critique of Pure Reason
Roger Collins: I can be a overbearing Patriarch ( If I only believed in myself)
Joshua Collins : Memories of A Revolutionary War Hero
Joshua Collins: Money and Social Standing before Family
Nancy Babbit: Tuck Everlasting
 *Yes a story of living forever for Sarah that does not involve biting people
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Midnite on March 23, 2002, 06:59:06 AM
Quote from: Minja on March 23, 2002, 04:34:07 AM
Hey! I want bunnies! How do I get bunnies? Tell me please, please, pretty please!
Minja, check out the Testing Board.  You can't miss the topic, LOL.
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: RingoCollins on March 23, 2002, 08:42:42 AM
Just came across a couple more:

The Wonderful World of Cheese - by Stokes and Stokes


on the 'adult' shelf:
What the Parrot Saw - by 'O' [later made into a Korean movie]

Lord of the Ringo's Trilogy - J.R.R. ['Ringo'] Tolkien
---

sorry for the insensitivity, jennifer! :o gotcha back for the trousers line!

---
and my next post will be #70, so this one would be Lennon's favorite!!! ;)
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: jennifer on March 23, 2002, 09:05:52 AM
Quote from: RingoCollins on March 23, 2002, 08:42:42 AM
sorry for the insensitivity, jennifer! :o gotcha back for the trousers line!

---
and my next post will be #70, so this one would be Lennon's favorite!!! ;)

you're forgiven Ringo and Lennon had some great quotes No wonder he is missed still! ;)Oh that nasty boy! 8)

Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Ben on March 23, 2002, 10:08:17 AM
Hmmm ... let's see:

Reel-to-Reel Recording for Dummies by Dr. Eric Lang

Subtle Piano Performance by Laszlo Powi

The Art of Whispering by Peter Bradford, as told to Jeff Clark and Ned Stuart

That City in Brazil by Elizabeth Collins Stoddard

Move Over, Garfield! by Joshua Collins

The Collins Family: None of My Business (Vols. 1 & 2) by Sarah Johnson

Innocent Until Proven Innocent by Barnabas Collins

Ben
(who wishes to thank Mark Rainey for his recommendation, Tonight Must Go Nothing Wrong -- I've enjoyed that one many times!)
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Mark Rainey on March 23, 2002, 07:02:54 PM
Ben -- Don't forget the "Other Stories" in that same volume, which include This Gives Me the Willies: Hey, That's Funny by K. Jarlen, I'm So Frightened by H. Stokes, and Cane Swords, Hanging Paintings, and Fawlty  Props Aplenty by J. K. Yaeger.

--Mark

Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Julia99 on March 23, 2002, 07:16:00 PM
Hey what about a few medical books?

Dr. Strangelover or How I tried to Get rich off the Undead and lost my Soul, Heart and Sanity  J. Hoffman, M.D.

A-Z, a List of Common Collinwood Tranquilizers by Merck.

Hyponosis:  How to make Dumb Girls Dumber by J. Hoffman, M.D.  

Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: VAM on March 23, 2002, 11:28:04 PM
Ah yes, Julia has her own special core collection! ;)
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: The charming Mr. Blair on March 24, 2002, 04:14:56 AM
Don't forget the best seling smash from 1967 ( I am sure Victoria brought a copy with her):

"MY Favorite Family Incestors" by Roger Collins ;)
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Happybat on March 26, 2002, 07:56:58 PM
Here are a few tomes culled from various Collinsport libraries in 1795.   ;D

Barnabas Collins:

Tropical Treats: the Bachelor's Guide to Martinique, by Randy Lovelittle.

Martha Stewart Dead: 100 Decorating Tips for the Undead by the late  (parallel time) M. Stewart.


Naomi Collins:

Euphemia Post's Guide to Etiquette.

The Lady's Own Book of Spirits, by Napoleon Brandy


Rev. Trask:

Exorcise at Home in 10 Easy Steps, by Cotton Mather



Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: VAM on March 26, 2002, 08:31:52 PM
Thanks Happybat for bringing my post up on the chart-We librarians should stick together!
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Happybat on March 26, 2002, 09:01:10 PM
VAM,

You're so right!  And it was a fun creative challenge, too-

Thanks!

[read]   [wavey]
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: RingoCollins on March 26, 2002, 09:38:57 PM
If my nearly Silver-Surfer eyes aren't failing me, VAM, are you the first poster to reach 'Full' three star status???? :o

congrats! ;D

Ringo

silver-surfer is a british term for computer geeks over 50! [at least it was told to me by a Brit!]
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: VAM on March 26, 2002, 10:37:14 PM
Ringo,

You mean you are looking at something other than TLATKLS's.... ;)

Joking aside, thanks for the compliment!
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: loril54 on June 29, 2007, 01:00:12 AM
Make up, agging techniques. (  or tired of  playing  your own ancestor), By Barnabas, and Quentin Collins.
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: CastleBee on July 09, 2007, 07:39:02 PM
Here are a few new items for your summer reading list...

“The Collin’s Family Homeopathic Guide to Paranormal Ailments”   by Dr. Julia Hoffman and Prof. T. Elliott Stokes
Providing Insight into Such Rare Conditions as…

Reader comments…

“I think I finally understand!” ~ Victoria Winters

“I keep a copy by my bedside.” ~ Elizabeth Stoddard-Collins

“Fascinating! Reads like a family history.” ~ Barnabas Collins

“Howling good read.” ~ Quentin Collins

“Such a large, comprehensive book!  It really comes in handy when I’m trying to reach the top shelf in the pantry.” ~ Mrs. Johnson

Other books…

“Doll Collecting for Fun and Profit” ~ Angelique Du Bois

“Vampirism is Not a Disease” ~ by T. E. Stokes

“I Can Heal Anything You Can Heal – Better!”  ~ by Dr. Julia “Get Your Hypo” Hoffman

“Really Bad Rhinoplasty and Other Silly Disguises”   ~ by John Yaeger

“I Ain’t Got No Body” ~ by Judah Zachary (Ghost-written by Marty Feldman)

“Bouncing Bats, Booms, and Renegade Stage Hands – The Joys of Live to Tape” ~by Dan Curtis
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Midnite on July 09, 2007, 09:08:37 PM
 [laughing4]
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Mysterious Benefactor on July 09, 2007, 09:21:54 PM
Quote from: Midnite on July 09, 2007, 09:08:37 PM
[laughing4]

OMG, YES!! The reader comments alone for The Collin’s Family Homeopathic Guide to Paranormal Ailments are a complete laugh riot!!  [stfl] [thumb]
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Nelson Collins on August 13, 2007, 04:02:45 AM
Quote from: Happybat on March 26, 2002, 07:56:58 PM
Rev. Trask:

Exorcise at Home in 10 Easy Steps, by Cotton Mather
Right next to his copy of "The Complete Idiot's guide to Exorcism"  by R U Kiddenme
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Nelson Collins on August 13, 2007, 04:09:33 AM
Chris Jennings -

"Shirt Shopping" by David Bruce Banner


In the Eagle Hill Cemetery:

"Mexican Jumping Gravestones and Other Strange but True Stories"  by R. I. Peace
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Nelson Collins on August 13, 2007, 04:18:48 AM
Dr Hoffman's first bestseller, now a major motion picture (with apologies to Julia99)

"Dr. Lovestrange or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Barn"


In a parallel time continuum, there is a book laying on a table in a TV studio's writer's Bullpen:

"The Big Book of Horror Stories" by Various

"The Wicked Woman Tarot" by N. DuPres (Trans. by TE Stokes)
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Mysterious Benefactor on August 13, 2007, 03:57:28 PM
Quote from: Nelson Collins on August 13, 2007, 04:18:48 AM
"Dr. Lovestrange or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Barn"

 [lghy]  [thumb]
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Willie Loomis on October 26, 2007, 05:40:44 PM
Quote from: Julia99 on March 23, 2002, 07:16:00 PM
Hey what about a few medical books?

Dr. Strangelover or How I tried to Get rich off the Undead and lost my Soul, Heart and Sanity  J. Hoffman, M.D.

A-Z, a List of Common Collinwood Tranquilizers by Merck.

Hyponosis:  How to make Dumb Girls Dumber by J. Hoffman, M.D.

Go ask Julia, by Annonymous, The Story of Middle Aged Puppy Love and Low Self Esteem
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: bluefielder on July 25, 2008, 01:07:12 AM
Sedative Therapy by Dr. Julia Hoffman

Blood Is My Life by Barnabas Collins

Gypsy Spells by Magda Rakosi
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: GooberCollins on July 25, 2008, 01:14:54 AM
Ambrose Burnside: The Man, The Myth, The Legend, by Quentin Collins

Having Your Cake and Eating It, Too, by Catherine Harridge

Pre-order ticket for History of the Collins Family, by Julia Hoffman, dated July 12, 1967, still eligible for the book's eventual release
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: loril54 on September 24, 2008, 04:20:35 AM
How to clean a very large mansion without help.  Mrs. Johnson

Paint by the numbers, Charles Delaware Tate.
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: CallieWL on March 28, 2009, 03:24:37 AM
This Old House by Willie Loomis

Journeying Through Time for Dummies by Barnabas Collins

Broken Promises, Broken Hearts a novel by Beth Chavez and Jenny Collins

The Delightful Mr Stiles a mystery novel by Flora Collins

Desmond Collins' Guide to Smuggling Antiquities Through Customs by Desmond Collins (who was later arrested and the book banned)

Unsolved Mysteries by Sheriff George Patterson

Ghosts I Have Known by David Collins

The Book of New England Wisdom compiled by William Malloy

Crossing the Line: A Study in Medical Ethics by Dr. Julia Hoffman
Title: Re: Collins' Library
Post by: Taeylor Collins on March 28, 2009, 04:35:44 AM
Quote from: Midnite on March 22, 2002, 07:02:51 PM
Quote from: Bobubas on March 22, 2002, 05:44:39 PM
(IMG) ... Midnite, how do you like the Easter Bunnies? No evil bunnies here. ;) (IMG)
Hee hee!!  Absolutely love them, Bob!
[easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley] [easter_smiley]
Oh dear, I guess this is what we get for letting those 2 bunnies get near each other, huh? ;)

ANYA would have a heart attack!