DARK SHADOWS FORUMS
General Discussions => Current Talk Archive => Current Talk '26 I => Current Talk '02 II => Topic started by: CastleBee on November 24, 2002, 12:13:10 AM
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Hello Everyone:
Just wanted to check in and say hello. I haven*t been on the board lately due to the death of my mother one-week ago today. As a couple of you knew, we discovered late last Spring that she had lung cancer.
My mother was a wonderful woman who raised my sister and I alone after our father died at the very young age of 38 (now over 40 years ago). Her love, strength and devotion to family got us through some very tough emotional times. Needless to say, the three of us have remained very close. A year ago she appeared to be in very good health and barely looked her 76 years. As a matter of fact, one year ago exactly she was helping me through my own bout with cancer. In the early months of the year she was still able to walk a mile around an indoor track at a fitness club in something like 10 minutes. Then, one day on a trip to visit a relative she coughed up some blood.
Even before the doctors diagnosed her, my sister and I both knew that her 50+ years of smoking had caught up with her. I know many of you out there in my age group who had parents who were young in the 40*s and 50*s, have some understanding of the era of the socially acceptable cigarette. It was cool, everyone did it, and very few questioned it. They were hawked on television as a 'great way to relax', constantly endorsed by celebrities and nearly always present in films ~ smoked by the good, the bad, the ugly as well as the glamorous. Looking back, it*s hard to believe, but when my mother became pregnant for the first time (for me circa 1954) and she questioned whether or not she should continue smoking she actually quoted the doctor as having said something to the effect, 'No need to quit now.' Can you believe it? By the time people began revolting against the idea and the anti-smoking campaigns hit television in the 1960s, she and so many others were hooked. Over the years my sister and I literally begged her to stop. She made a few attempts but, unlike several friends and relatives, was never successful. I know she wanted to stop. But, even when people she knew died of lung cancer she kept going. The best she was able to do was to become more sensitive and aware of 2nd hand smoke. She began to either go outside or to a patio door to 'puff' (as we referred to it) when non-smokers were around. Still, I cringed almost every time I saw her light up and at the same time I hoped against hope that it would never catch up with her. But, it finally did.
I don*t mean to be preachy or depressing by mentioning all this. I bring it up only because, for what it*s worth, I wanted to present this real life example of the result of what the tobacco companies have been allowed to get by with. I know she made the decision to smoke and I know she took the responsibility for it. You can only blame part of it on the social acceptability of the habit in the era in which she started. But, it is still a substance that creates an addiction on which the greedy, soulless tobacco industry is unfortunately still becoming fat and wealthy. And, regardless of how much they protest to the contrary we all know they continue to try and pull teenagers into their web. After all, my mother*s generation has just about played out for them. So, if these mega-industries are to keep going, not unlike vampires, they MUST continuously have new blood.
So, what I really want to do is to strongly encourage those of you who smoke to PLEASE consider trying really hard to quit. And, if you are young and considering it PLEASE think again and help run these scum bag parasites out of business. It may take many years or just a few but somehow, in some way tobacco will take its toll on you or someone you dearly love. And, as much as I*ve enjoyed all of your online company I would really hate to see this happen to any of you!
God bless and take care,
CastleBee
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I'm so sorry for your loss, CastleBee. You have my condolences.
ProfStokes
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Dear Castlebee, I'm very sorry for you and your sister. Your Mother sounds like a very strong woman.
What you said about smoking...I would like to put in my worth too.
Two years ago in September, I had pneumonia. I was sitting in my living room, just got out of the hospital, smoking a cigarette. I looked down at this cigarette I was smoking, and I finally hit me. What was I doing? Cigarettes: I give my money to them so they could slowly kill me? I'm stronger then that. So, I put out the cigarette, and it never got a hold of me again. Cold turkey.
So now, I feel stranger, sure, I gained weight because food tasted better, but I'm not killing myself. And that is actually what I was doing.
God Bless you CastleBee.
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Castlebee -- My deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. She sounds like she was a wonderful person.
And your message about smoking is right on the money. If it's all the same to you, I'm going to forward it to my wife, who has tried umpteen times to quit, all unsuccessfully.
--Mark
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Castlebee, my heart goes out to you and your sister on the loss of your mother. I know what a terrible loss that can be, no matter how old you yourself are, when it comes.
My husband made a promise to himself that he would not be smoking on his 50th birthday. By strength of sheer will power (and the help of a nicotine patch system) he was able to pull it off and has been cigarette free for almost 2 years. I can't even express how much it has meant to our daughter and me that he was able to do this. If there was any good in his experience, it was enough to make our daughter detest the sight and smell of cigarette smoke....she will not be tempted.
But I still have family members who are not ready to do the same, and I know what it's like to watch them go outside to protect the rest of us from their smoke, even though they can't protect themselves.
My deepest condolences.
Raineypark
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All my condolences and thoughts are with you, Castlebee! I am so sorry for your loss. You just make sure that you take it as easy as you can during this time.
Gerard
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Dear Castlebee,
Please accept my deepest sympathy. Words are just not enough at a time like this.
My mother is 75 and still smokes. I worry about her all the time. We came close to losing her last spring when she had pneumonia that was very hard to kick. At the tifme we thought she might have cancer. It still is something I worry about all the time. Like your Mom she smoked through her pregnancies. I often wonder what this does to our generation that grew up with second hand smoke and our genetics. At times she has tried to stop but always goes back.
Please treasure your special memories and remember their are people who are thinking of you.
Birdie
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Hello Everyone:
Just wanted to check in and say hello. I haven*t been on the board lately due to the death of my mother one-week ago today. As a couple of you knew, we discovered late last Spring that she had lung cancer.
CastleBee
First of all, let me also offer my condolences on the loss of your mom.
I couldn't agree more with you in regards to your stance on cigarettes. I smoked them for something like 22 years and was totally addicted. My Dentist finally convinced me that if i wanted to keep my teeth I had better quit smoking. I used the nicoderm CQ patch and it worked like a charm. This Feb. coming will be 5 years smoke free for me.
Castlebee, if your message here only motivates one person to quit, it will have been a complete success.
Again, my deepest sympathies on the loss of your mom.
Bob
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My Dearest Castlebee, please except my most sincere condolences for the loss of your beloved Mother, you have suffered a great loss, alas she will always be there in your hearts, A Mother's love never dies... but goes on through her children who are her living memory....
Your Friend in the Shadows.... Sarah
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Dear Castlebee,
I am so sorry to hear of your great loss. Your story is almost a mirror of mine except my father didn't die. He just walked out. My mother died the day before her 60th birthday. I am glad to hear you have a sister. My sister and I keep our mother's memory alive. After the sadness passes, you will find remembering all the warm and silly stories with her a comfort.
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Castlebee, my sympathy and condolences on the loss of your mother. My thoughts are with you. MM
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my sympathies go out to you and your family
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God bless you and your family, I am so sorry for your loss.
It was another time, no non-smoking areas ANYWHERE and the Drs. thought it would be more stressful for a mom to be to quit. When I look back to how it used to be, I realize I wouldn't last a minute in the cloud of smoke!
Reading your post, I am so grateful that my mom did quit. My dad and I were both so proud of her and happy that she did. I used to look at my girlfriend smoke and it looked so appealing. But, somehow, looking at my aging mother puffing away more than offset that.
I think you have to have quit for twenty years to have the same chance of lung cancer as someone who never smoked. My mom is just about there, I'm sorry yours couldn't do it. It IS harder to quit than heroin, they say....
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Hi Castlebee,
I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. It's all just a bit too much to deal with, isn't it. Sixty plus years of smoking finally got my father a few years ago - some sort of throat cancer. And here I am, smoking two cartons a week. Talk about self-loathing. I'm in awe of those who are able to quit. I can't even begin to comprehend how they're able to do it.
Anyway, you have my deepest sympathy. One would think that when you know someone is going to die, you'd become accustomed to the idea and when they finally go, it's easier than when you lose someone unexpectedly. It doesn't work that way though, does it.
love
CLC
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I'm so sorry, CastleBee to learn of your loss. My thoughts are with you.
My mother quit smoking a number of years ago (maybe 20?), but that was too late and she has severe breathing problems. Right now she's in the nursing home recovering from a broken hip, but the breathing is the main problem. She's limited in the amount of therapy she can do and seems to be out of breath doing virtually nothing.
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CastleBee is my hero. She endured a scare of her own not long ago and encouraged all of us to get medical checks, she works to orchestrate pet adoptions, and now she shows how much she cares by bringing a very important message during this sad time. Thank you for all you do, sweetie. I'm continuing to keep you and your sister in my thoughts and prayers.
Congratulations to Terry308 and Bob, wow.
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Dear Castlebee,
I am so sorry to hear about your Mom.
I'm a smoker. I've tried and tried to quit.
Even tried the patches.
I hate it, at the same time I crave it.
I raised my children to hate smoking.
I've tried to be as honest with them as I
can.
My great-grandparents, grandparents,
Dad, Uncles and Aunts all smoked.
All my friends smoked with I was a teenager.
My brothers and sister smoke.
My Mom even had a cigarette every once
in a while.
One thing that comforts me is that I
have broken the chain. My children
don't and pray god will never smoke.
Take care and please know I'm thinking
of you.
Julianka
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So sorry to hear of your loss, Castlebee.. you have my deepest sympathies
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Dear CastleBee,
So sorry to hear about the death of your mother. Please accept my condolences at this difficult time.
And thanks for your message about smoking. As a reformed smoker who experiences the occasional relapse, it's important for me to remember just how dangerous a habit cigarettes are.
God(dess) bless you too,
Cassandra B
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Castlebee, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Your mother sounded like a very loving, caring & strong woman. She'll always remain in your heart and her spirit will always be near watching over you.
I know how hard it must have been to watch your mother smoke. My own mother had started smoking in her teens and continued smoking throughout her life. Then, 12 years ago she had suffered a mild heart attack. In a way, this was a blessing in disguise because it really made her wake up! Since that day, she hasn't smoked at all and gave up cigarettes completly. Still, it's hard not to imagine the damage that has been done already.
Thank you for posting this warning message to everyone. My prayers are with you and your sister during this time in your life.
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Dear Castlebee,
You have my deepest sympathies on the loss of your Mom. My thoughts are with you and your sister at this most grievous of times.
With the utmost sincerity,
Dom
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Castlebee, My sincere sympathies to you, your sister and family. Your mother sounded like a wonderful person. May God bless you.
My mom and brother are both "hooked" and I dread the day when their health gives way. If only people wouldn't start this horrible habit in the innocence of youth!
SDP
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Dear Castlebee My deepest Condolences to you
and your Sister. Your message was very touching
and i know it home too. Thanks for standing up
and beleiving so strongly in this important issue.
God Bless You Love U Anne
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Castlebee....my sympathies are with you.
My husband and I are smokers, and of course that doesn't help matters any, but his doctors have also told him that even if he were not a smoker this paritcular (non-small cell) lung cancer he has now would still have occured....it is positively correlated to Agent Orange exposure.
Right when we have the most reason to quit it is the hardest.
Nancy
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Castlebee,
I send my deepest sympathies to you and your family.
It's sad when I see so many people in my high school smoking outside of class. I don't care what tobacco industries say, they target teenagers and don't care who they are hurting. I remember, back when I was in 5th grade, my dad told me that if he ever caught me smoking, he would make me eat the whole pack of cigarettes. Needless to say, that terrified me! Plus, I have never even felt compelled to smoke (same w/ drinking); it goes against what I believe. However, I realize quitting must be very difficult once you start, and it is a great accomplishment to those who have done it.
-Lindsey
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So sorry for your loss, God be with you and your family.
Love Tanis
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My sincere sympathy to you and your family on the loss of your mother. Losing a parent is never easy. Mine have been gone 20 years and I still miss them everyday.
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Dear Castlebee,
My sincerest condolences on the loss of your mother. And God bless you for sharing this important message! Never having smoked myself, I can't even imagine the ordeal that smokers and their loved ones must suffer through. My father used to smoke, but he quit cold turkey one day because his girlfriend suffered from allergies and couldn't tolerate tobacco smoke. My brother liked the occasional cigar, but gave them up completely not long ago. We have my beloved mother to thank for setting a good example for both of us!
As for the tobacco industry, it's all about money, of course. That's the tragedy.
Hoping that all the good people on this board may be able to quit one day-
God bless you, Castlebee!
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My deepest condolences.
You must be an incredibly strong person.
No words can help, but a saying that always helps me when I think of my loving mom - they carry us before, we carry them after. Carry the memory close and there will never be a time either cease to be.
A wish for strength.
and thanks for including us.
Rick
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Bless your heart Castlebee. My thoughts and prayers are with you also.
[shadow=purple,left,300]
Always, Minja
[/shadow][/size]
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Beth, no words can begin to express your loss but
my thoughts and prayers are with you!
if i could only show people(esp teenagers ) what smoking can do to you and make them understand
you are a hero for thinking of others during your own time of need. Please also take care of yourself we need more people like you in this world.
take care and good bless
patti v(aka jennifer)
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I'm very sorry about the loss of your mom, CastleBee. I know it's a sad time for you and yours. My heartfelt sympathy is with you, but I know that you'll always keep her in your heart.
Take care...
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Dear Castlebee,
You have my deepest sympathy on the loss of your mother. It is especially hard when you know it is inevitable in the near future.
I stopped smoking "cold turkey" 15 years ago and thank God every day that I had the strength to do it. I worry so much for my daughter who just can't seem to quit.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Misty
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My heart goes out to you. I know what it's like to lose a parent and how quickly it can happen.
I was fortunate to never put a cigarette in my mouth, but I have heard that quitting is worse then getting off of heroin, so I have much sympathy for those who are trying to quit.
Thank you for trying to save a life. And I wish you peace with your grief.
Rhonda
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Your posting touched me profoundly, Castlebee. Having lost my own dad (to congestive heart failure, not helped by his addiction to both alcohol and cigarettes), I can relate to the feelings you're experiencing. Alas, there's very little any of us can say to lighten your load. Time will really be your best friend. The weeks and months will go by, and while your hurt won't heal, Life will find a way to keep you going. Rest assured that your mom's in a much better place and that she's only a prayer/thought away.
As for smoking and the "older" generation, I'm about your age (born in late 1952) and can remember going on drives and family trips with both my parents as they smoked away like fiends. The car would be cloudy with smoke, and my two sisters and I would be inhaling all of it. Hopefully, we won't someday be victims of second-hand smoke (unheard of back then), but I can happily say that I've never smoked a cigarette myself. My younger sister is also smoke-free...though my older sister (now 55) has been hooked since age 15!
My uncle, who smoked (gasp) unfiltered cigarettes since the 1930's, passed away from lung cancer in 1998. He had the exact same symptoms as your mom--coughing up blood one day. That led to hospitalizations, pneumonia, the news that his cancer was inoperable, and his eventual death. It was a tough situation for all of us...mostly because he'd always been so hale and hearty. When I think of him, I remember his energy, mostly.
So, Castlebee, take heart...we're with you!
Love - Rod
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Castlebee, I'm so very sorry to hear about your Mom. Smoking is a terrible and stupid thing to do to yourself, but when your hooked, it's not easy to quit sometimes.
I smoked about a pack and a half for close to twenty years. In '93, I came down with a severe case of asthmatic bronchitis. Even though I could hardly breathe, I continued to smoke. Finally I realized the idiocy of it, so I quit cold turkey and never went back.
Bernie