DARK SHADOWS FORUMS
General Discussions => Current Talk Archive => Current Talk '24 I => Current Talk '02 II => Topic started by: scout75 on August 16, 2002, 06:40:32 AM
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INT/HOUSE BY THE SEA-NIGHT
(ANGELIQUE lounges on a big comfy divan in her flowing white gown. BARNABAS COLLINS kneels down before her, looking more disheveled than immaculate--puncture marks are on his neck.)
BARNABAS: I cannot believe that I have been reduced to this.
(Angelique looks down, making sure that Barnabas is doing a good job of painting her toenails.)
ANGELIQUE: You're doing a lovely job, my dear. And if you would have just done this occasionally when we were married, everyone you love would have lived long and happy lives.
BARNABAS: Really?
ANGELIQUE: Everyone but Joshua and Abigail...but, no--you couldn't get your mind off fragile little Josette. So now everybody's dead.
BARNABAS: All because I wouldn't paint your toenails in 1795?
ANGELIQUE: I was never really very good with rejection. Obviously. You know...the whole killing-your-family-and-cursing-you-to-walk-the-night-for-eternity thing.
BARNABAS: I wish I would have never come here tonight.
ANGELIQUE: Like Nicky didn't know your little dinner party wasn't just a lame excuse to get him out of the house...
BARNABAS: My plotting skills have went to mush since I've been cured of my affliction.
ANGELIQUE: They were never that good to begin with, my dear.
BARNABAS: Why can't you take up with Jeff Clark?
ANGELIQUE: I did for a while. But he tasted funny. And Joe Haskell just isn't foppish enough.
BARNABAS: How could he be? He isn't a Collins man.
ANGELIQUE: By the way, Barnabas...I have set a terrifying plan in motion to keep your friend, Julia Hoffman, busy for quite a while.
BARNABAS: What have you done?
ANGELIQUE: Like everything else I do, it's evil while at the same time fairly pointless. You see, I've recruited two girls from New Jersey. They will constantly hound the good doctor, claiming to be representatives of the telephone company. They will say that the doctor owes them money. She will say that they are full of shit.
BARNABAS: Well...it makes as much sense as the frickin' Dream Curse.
ANGELIQUE: Quiet, you! Now go out to the kitchen and fix me a Long Island Iced Tea.
BARNABAS (pained): Oh, why? Why must I spend eternity trapped as your--
ANGELIQUE: Man-bitch?
(Barnabas heaves a defeated sigh as he heads for the kitchen. Angelique stretches out on the divan, content and victorious.)
ANGELIQUE: Dear Barnabas...he'll come around and love me. Even if it kills us both. Oh, wait...it already did.
(Angelique breaks into diabolical laughter.)
END
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LOL! [lghy] [lghy] That was a great scene! I've found all the ones you've posted to be very funny [lghy]
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another beaut! ~ They were never that good to begin with, my dear. ~ LOL! ~ very believable! ;D
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Very good Scout75! You really have a knack for this!
Thanks for the laughs! ;)
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BARNABAS: I cannot believe that I have been reduced to this.
(Angelique looks down, making sure that Barnabas is doing a good job of painting her toenails.)
This is hysterical. [lghy]
ANGELIQUE: By the way, Barnabas...I have set a terrifying plan in motion to keep your friend, Julia Hoffman, busy for quite a while.
BARNABAS: What have you done?
ANGELIQUE: Like everything else I do, it's evil while at the same time fairly pointless. You see, I've recruited two girls from New Jersey. They will constantly hound the good doctor, claiming to be representatives of the telephone company. They will say that the doctor owes them money. She will say that they are full of shit.
OMG. I'm sittin' here minding my own business, reading this little gem, and I see THIS! ROFL
Nope...I'm never gonna live it down. Think I'll move to Canada, or maybe even Arkansas.
-CLC
Never realizing until this day, that I was an unwitting player in one of Angelique's diabolical schemes.
(Oh yeah, and now that I've learned my lesson, I'll never post my little encounter with Angelique in the ladies room at the 2001 Fest).
[ignore]
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[rollr][rollr][rollr] very good!
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Painting her toenails? LMAOPIMP! You are so talented!
In truth, I suspect that if Ang had Barn on his knees, there would be another, far more intimate, task she would have for him.
"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"
Love, Robin
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In truth, I suspect that if Ang had Barn on his knees, there would be another, far more intimate, task she would have for him.
"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"
Love, Robin
Robin,
I am too young for this x-rated stuff! ::) So "palor games" are being conducted at Collinwood...
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(Oh yeah, and now that I've learned my lesson, I'll never post my little encounter with Angelique in the ladies room at the 2001 Fest).
[ignore]
Forgot about that! Now that you let the so-called "cat" out of the bag, go ahead--make my day. ;D
Just in case, I'm unplugging the phones ;)
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Enjoyed your story very much.
For a minute, tho, I thought Barnabas may have picked up a trick or two from Fergie and added toe-sucking to his repertoir.
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"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"
What is this?! Dark Shadows or Boogie Nights?!
[evilg][lghb];)
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Painting her toenails. That was priceless.
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Painting her toenails? LMAOPIMP! You are so talented!
In truth, I suspect that if Ang had Barn on his knees, there would be another, far more intimate, task she would have for him.
"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"
Love, Robin
OMG Robin you are making me[blshy][blshb][blshg]
How naughty of you!
jennifer :)
And connie Do Tell! ;)
Wow see what you started scout :o My favorite scene in Bull Durham is when Kevin C is painting Susan S's toenails OMG
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Never realizing until this day, that I was an unwitting player in one of Angelique's diabolical schemes.
Dearest Connie:
We are all just simply unwitting players in Angelique's diabolical schemes...[vryevl][liteye][scrm][bawl][skull][ghost]::)
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on Today at 9:20am, ROBINV wrote:
"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"
Scout said:
What is this?! Dark Shadows or Boogie Nights?!
The Boogie Nights took place in Martinique, and oh, baby, do I wish we'd been given a flashback to THAT!
Love, Robin
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The Boogie Nights took place in Martinique, and oh, baby, do I wish we'd been given a flashback to THAT!
Oh, Robin!
Do behave, you bad girl! [crazy] ;)
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:D ;DOh, what a wonderful mind!!! Are you sure you have never written for TV?? You.ve missed your calling. Priceless!!
Hysterically, Misty
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on Today at 9:20am, ROBINV wrote:
"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"
LMHO!
Are you implying that Barn wears a toupee? [evilb]
laughing my HAIR off
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on Today at 9:20am, ROBINV wrote:
"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"
Scout said:
What is this?! Dark Shadows or Boogie Nights?!
The Boogie Nights took place in Martinique, and oh, baby, do I wish we'd been given a flashback to THAT!
Love, Robin
Maybe that could be the new DS movie and Scout can be commissioned for the script - BOOGIE NIGHTS IN MARTINIQE
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Hey gang,
All we need now is for Dr. Ruth Westheimer (a former medical school classmate of Julia Hoffman's, no doubt) to weigh in on this highly lascivious topic.
A discussion of Dark Shadows and "honey pot happiness." I think that I've seen it all now. What would the original Rev. Trask have to say about all this?
Bob the Bartender, who thinks that we should next talk about the Collins fishing fleet and their world renowned deep sea divers.
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Thus spoke Misty:
Are you sure you have never written for TV??
Not lately...but ya never know about the future. If I'm very, very lucky...maybe.
Sayeth VAM: Maybe that could be the new DS movie and Scout can be commissioned for the script - BOOGIE NIGHTS IN MARTINIQUE
Maybe we won't have to wait for a movie--but we definitely have to wait for the 1795 storyline to be shown again; after all, it wouldn't be a comment on what is happening on the show now, but rather it would fall into the sticky area of fan fiction--which I would never post in this forum. ;) ;D :)
Bob_The_Bartender stood behind the bar at the Blue Whale and said: A discussion of Dark Shadows and "honey pot happiness." I think that I've seen it all now.
Hey...all I had Barnabas doing was painting Angelique's toenails!
[lick]
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Dear Scout75,
Perhaps I should have said that a discussion of Angelique's pedicure by Mr. B. evolved, or should I say "devolved" into something far more salacious.
Oh, what would that paragon of moral rectitude, Minerva Trask, have to say about all of this? She'd probably agree with Hyacinth Bucket's role model, Mrs. Councilor-Nugent, that, today, young people are far too obsessed with "excessive romantic endeavors," (whatever that means!).
Sincerely,
Bob the Bartender, former scout, who reminds you that a scout's mind is always clean! (Of course, Hugh Hefner, Bob Guccione and W. J. Clinton are all former boy scouts, if I'm not mistaken!)
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Oh, what would that paragon of moral rectitude, Minerva Trask, have to say about all of this?
She requested her own special pedicure from Tim Shaw..
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LOL...you've outdown yourself, Scout. This is soo funny!
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Can't you just picture Hyacyinth (sp) Bucket trying to straighten out Collinwood. I love her show.
Tanis
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Connie said...
(Oh yeah, and now that I've learned my lesson, I'll never post my little encounter with Angelique in the ladies room at the 2001 Fest).
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Connie,
Do tell! I'm already curious!!!! ;D
-Lindsey
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Go ahead and tell, Connie. You might as well...you know we'll learn the dark, disturbing truth at some point anyway.
Damn, girl...you got enough secrets to be an honorary member of the Collins family.
;D ;) :)
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Connie said...
(Oh yeah, and now that I've learned my lesson, I'll never post my little encounter with Angelique in the ladies room at the 2001 Fest).
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Connie,
Do tell! I'm already curious!!!! ;D
-Lindsey
Lindsey,
Hmm...I dunno. If I do, it could end up haunting me later in one of Scout75's little 'scripts'. Then again, since there are no bathrooms at Collinwood (as we all know), I'm probably pretty safe. 8)
Okay, to try and keep a long story short...
My daughter and I drove up on Sunday of last year's Fest to see David Selby and Lara Parker do the play "Love Letters". After the play, I asked David if he could sign a picture for a friend of mine. He was leaning the picture against his script and inadvertantly handed me the script along with the picture. I had other stuff in my hands and didn't realize I had it until a few minutes later when we were out of the ballroom. I freaked, and went back to look for him but he wasn't there - I couldn't find Jim Pierson either.
Meanwhile, my daughter was dying to get to the bathroom, so we made a stop, and while I was waiting for her, who should come walking out of one of the stalls but the lovely and talented Ms. Parker. I approached her while she was futzing with her hair and her make-up, and asked her if she happened to know where David might be. She looked at me rather haughtily and said, "Well, he's CERTAINLY NOT in the ladies room!"
LOL (Ya like this?)
Well, I was a bit taken aback. :o
I must admit, I was sort of afraid to say anything else, but I summoned up the courage. LOL (I knew if I gave it to her he'd get it back safely.)
I told her David had handed me his script by accident and asked if she could please return it to him. I held it out, she looked at it and said, "Oh yes...that's his."
Then she turned nice and smiled and thanked me for returning it.
My daughter and I left the ladies room in a mild state of shock, and then busted out laughing.
(Anyway, it gave us something to giggle about on the trip home).
Ya know, I DID learn something that day...
David was certainly NOT in the ladies room!! ROFL
love
CLC ;)
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Damn, girl...you got enough secrets to be an honorary member of the Collins family.
;D ;) :)
Hey! I ain't got no secrets. My life is an open book.
(With bad reviews)
-CLC ::)
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When I saw a new one of these scenes posted by you
Scout, I was tickled pink knowing I'd be in for a good
laugh! And you sure did not disappoint me ;D
Angelique should keep Barny playing "step and fetch it"!
What a hoot!!!!!!!!!
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Hey! I ain't got no secrets. My life is an open book.
(With bad reviews)
-CLC ::)
Any torn out or missing chapters?
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Connie,
That is a hoot and a half!!! LOL
It's nice though that she turned so gracious to you for giving her Selby's script. She probably didn't realize she came off so haughty.
-Lindsey
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Well, Connie...
It's not exactly prank calling the Hall residence, but it ain't bad. ;)
You should turn your teenage escapades into a screenplay called Stalking Grayson Hall. :o ;D 8)
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You should turn your teenage escapades into a screenplay called Stalking Grayson Hall. :o ;D 8)
Hmm...well, I don't really have much of any "teenage escapades" for a screenplay.
I certainly don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. My friend and I were about 13 or 14 yrs. old. We did the silly phone call, and that was it - never called her again.
(Never even considered it).
-CLC :)
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Ya know, I DID learn something that day...
David was certainly NOT in the ladies room!! ROFL
love
CLC ;)
Too bad that would be one crowded room! ;D
jennifer
Great story Connie
Such a "Angelique like" moment
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I certainly don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. My friend and I were about 13 or 14 yrs. old. We did the silly phone call, and that was it - never called her again.
Oh, Connie...I'm just kidding you. Perhaps you need a sedative? ;D ;) :)
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Oh, Connie...I'm just kidding you. Perhaps you need a sedative? ;D ;) :)
Yeah...I guess I probably do. :-/
Just didn't want anyone thinking...ya know...
Think I'll go lay down.
-CLC
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Just didn't want anyone thinking...ya know...
We are not thinking...We already thought! ;D