DARK SHADOWS FORUMS

General Discussions => Current Talk Archive => Current Talk '24 I => Current Talk '02 II => Topic started by: Bob_the_Bartender on August 02, 2002, 05:18:49 AM

Title: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on August 02, 2002, 05:18:49 AM
Dear Fellow Dark Shadows Fans,

Throughout our nation's history, Americans have been equally fascinated and confounded by many enduring mysteries, perplexing mysteries such as:

             The puzzling disappearance of the settlers of the so-called "Lost Colony" of Roanoke Island, NC. in 1587.

              The truly mystifying disappearance of the great American aviator, Amelia Earhart, over the waters of the Pacific Ocean in 1937.

              However, perhaps the greatest mystery of all occurred back in 1968:  After Willie Loomis kidnapped Maggie Evans and imprisoned her in the secret room of the Collins mausoleum, just what did Maggie do, when she had to go "potty"?  I'm not kidding!  For 34 years, this great DS mystery has tormented me.  I can't begin to tell you how many sleepless nights, not knowing the answer to this question, it has cost me.

As our friend and very insightful colleague, Gerard, has pointed out in the past, there seems to be a dearth of "water closets," not only in Collinwood, but in every other house or structure in Collinsport, ME.

So, maybe ol' Wilie installed one of those "port-o-johnnies, that are frequently seen at construction sites and at outdoor concert events, in the secret room for the "comfort" of anyone who happened to be "occupying"  Barnabas' former resting place.  Can you think of any other "solutions" to this enduring Dark Shadows mystery?

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who fondly remembers that card in the game "Clue," which says: "Go to the bathroom and take someone with you."
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: ClaudeNorth on August 02, 2002, 05:24:08 AM
Hmmm...perhaps they were all so anal-retentive, they had no use for such facilities...

Regards,

John
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Raineypark on August 02, 2002, 05:26:12 AM
Never mind the mausoleum.....what about the little cell where they kept Maggie and Adam in the basement of the Old House?  

Don't remember any 'facilities' down there either and Maggie was there for weeks on end!!!

Has anyone ever asked any of the actors if they ever discussed that little 'problem' amongst themselves on the set?  It must have been hilarious!

Raineypark
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: CandleLighter on August 02, 2002, 05:29:24 AM
I don't know the answer to this mystery... but I sure wouldn't want to open the lid of that coffin!   ::)
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on August 02, 2002, 05:43:19 AM
Dear CandleLighter.

Yes, I think that we can all appreciate how "irritable" Barnabas must have been, after nearly 172 years of confinement, when Willie opened that coffin in 1967!

Bob the Bartender
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: scout75 on August 02, 2002, 05:52:52 AM
How can anyone on the great estate use the facilities?

After all, the Adam storyline is in the crapper most of the time and stinks everything up in its wake!
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: RingoCollins on August 02, 2002, 06:57:34 AM
Quote
enduring mysteries, perplexing mysteries such as:

  the so-called "Lost Colony"

  The disappearance of Amelia Earhart,

got to add to the list:

What ever happened to Greg the Bunny?

and now,

WHY did they close PEEP-O-RAMA???????/ [vryevl]
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: kuanyin on August 02, 2002, 07:20:30 AM
They didn't have to. Ever. It is kind of along the lines of the women's makeup being perfect at every moment of the night or day, without ever being taken off or applied.

What a shocking moment it was in t.v. history to actually HEAR the clink-whoosh in the Bunker household!And there WAS a movie that showed Jane Fonda on the pot, was it "Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice"?

But in Collinwood? NEVER!
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: jennifer on August 02, 2002, 08:34:37 AM
Hey i would not survive for five minutes Bob!
but i did have a scary experience the other day at Fenway
Park when i went in the men's room by mistake! ::)

jennifer
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: tripwire on August 02, 2002, 08:43:09 AM
lol  that look of horror on willies face when he opened that coffin wasnt from being scared :o        
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Cassandra on August 02, 2002, 09:15:30 AM
Im still trying to figure out who DRESSED Maggie back then when she was being held captive by Barnabas? Someone had to get her all dolled up in that wedding gown. ;)
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Dr. Eric Lang on August 02, 2002, 11:38:42 PM
Quote
And there WAS a movie that showed Jane Fonda on the pot, was it "Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice"?


I believe the scene in question was from the movie "Fun With Dick and Jane," co-starring George Segal.

I agree that nobody in Collinsport ever had to use the facilities, just as they always had perfect hair and makeup when they were awakened in the middle of the night.

Not that I relish any discussion of the matter but they certainly missed out on a few opportunities to capitalize on their time travel adventures. Imagine Barnabas arriving in 1967 and seeing a urinal in the men's room of the Blue Whale and wondering what the heck it was. Burke or someone would have to tell him.

Innocent little David might have inspired an expository exchange with Barnabas while visiting his favorite old haunt, the Old House.

David: Excuse me cousin Barnabas, but I need to use the bathroom.

Barnabas: Well I'm afraid we don't have one here, David. You see I wanted to restore the house to its original condition, and we  . . . I mean they didn't have indoor plumbing back then.

David: Then where did you go?

Barnabas: Well, the men folk usually just strolled out back into the woods. The women of the household had chamber pots that were emptied by their maids.

David: In that case, excuse me while I run out to the woods.

Barnabas: Watch where you step!
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on August 03, 2002, 01:24:09 AM
Dear Jennifer,

I feel your pain.  However, there's nothing more embarrassing for a guy than to be, how should I put this politely, "standing" in front of the urinal in a crowded men's room at the ball park or in a nightclub, only to have some "determined" women (obviously unwilling or, more likely, unable to wait on the crowded line into the ladies room) come sauntering into the men's "loo" to use the generally uncrowded stalls.

Believe me, it's rather difficult to maintain your male dignity as the ladies enter and exit the "head."  I'll bet that if Barnabas ever had to put up with this in the men's room at the Blue Whale, he'd positively want to "I-Ching" his way back to the more genteel times of the 18th century!

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender

PS Congratulations on the Sox's acquisition of Cliff Floyd.  Would you believe that there are absolutely jealous Yankee fans down here in the Big Apple who think that they should have gotten the talented Mr. Floyd?  Talk about baseball chutzpah!!!  
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: murph on August 03, 2002, 06:07:42 AM
There are several instances in the storylines thus far that I wondered how the character used the facilities.
a few of these not yet mentioned....when Vickie was held hostage by Matthew the caretaker in 1967.  More recently when Vickie was held hostage by Adam then Nicholas.  Also when Barnabus was bricked up for several days in the basement of the old house.  

Speaking of Barnabus (who along with Angelique have always been my favorite DS characters)  Ok he gets out of the coffin after 172 years then the next thing we know he shows up at Collinwood to meet his family.  Where did he get the money to buy his new clothes?   Surely he wasn't buried with a wad of cash in his pocket.  And even if he had it would have deteriorated in the almost 200 years.  He also looked clean so where did he shower?  Maybe he went to the bank and took out the money he had deposited 172 years before.  That is if the bank was still there.

Obviously,  there really aren't any answers to these questions.  One of the great things about the show is that I can leave reality behind for the 45 minutes it takes to get through the episodes I taped that day.  (I fast forward through commercials)
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: jennifer on August 03, 2002, 06:26:56 AM
Thank you Bob !

jennifer
the men's room at Fenway park i think was built when Barnabas first lived! porta pottys look better!
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Tanis on August 03, 2002, 07:37:44 AM
Knowing how arthritis feels, how did Barnabas even manage to get out of the coffin after lying in it for 175 years?  Wouldn't he be stiff.  Maybe they didn't have such things as arthritis in those days.  Probably took better care of themselves.

Tanis
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: petofi on August 08, 2002, 05:22:18 PM
As to the non- existence of a loo at Collinwood, I can just see Roger Collins' sneering reaction to an innocent request to use the bathroom:

    "We haven't any.  The Collins family never goes.  And if we did, it would never smell anyway." :-X

Petofi
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Raineypark on August 08, 2002, 05:45:16 PM
Quote
Knowing how arthritis feels, how did Barnabas even manage to get out of the coffin after lying in it for 175 years?  Wouldn't he be stiff.  Maybe they didn't have such things as arthritis in those days.  Probably took better care of themselves.

Tanis, I think if they didn't suffer from arthritis it was because they usually died of something horrible at a much younger age.  A splinter can kill you if you're unlucky enough to get one before someone invents antibiotics!!

Actually, I think Abigail Adams suffered terribly with arthritis...some reward for beating the 18th century odds!! :P

Rainey
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Julian on August 08, 2002, 08:00:11 PM
The lost colony upped and moved to Tahiti, Amelia Earhart was abducted by aliens, and before Archie Bunker flushed his toilet in the early 70's, nobody in tv land ever went to the bathroom.
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Dr. Eric Lang on August 09, 2002, 02:12:40 AM
Quote
Speaking of Barnabus  . . . Ok he gets out of the coffin after 172 years then the next thing we know he shows up at Collinwood to meet his family.  Where did he get the money to buy his new clothes?   Surely he wasn't buried with a wad of cash in his pocket.  


Hi murph. Barnabas knew where a hidden cache of jewels was buried/locked up, which is where he gets his money from. We see this small treasure trove early on in the Adam storyline, when Willie removes it from the hidden compartment in the Old House basement and retrieves Josette's earrings, which he gives to Maggie.

In the 1991 revival series, they are a little more explicit in explaining where Barnabas gets his money from. We see him removing this small treasure chest from a hidden compartment in the mausoleum.


Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: ROBINV on August 09, 2002, 12:23:12 PM
Years ago, a friend who was a big fan of Cheryl Ladd's when she worked on CHARLIE'S ANGELS, said that a gorgeous gal like that doesn't sit on the bowl, squeezing like the rest of us.  Her poop comes out from a small slit in her abdomen, all wrapped in shiny foil, stinkless, perfect, like a baked potato.

I always assumed the same was true of everyone living at Collinwood or the Old House.  No muss, no fuss, and no need for a toilet.  

As for #1, well, out in the woods, I suppose.  Ever notice that there are some people you just CAN'T imagine defecating or urinating?  They just don't seem the type!

Love, Robin
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: VAM on August 09, 2002, 02:45:01 PM
Quote
Years ago, a friend who was a big fan of Cheryl Ladd's when she worked on CHARLIE'S ANGELS, said that a gorgeous gal like that doesn't sit on the bowl, squeezing like the rest of us.  Her poop comes out from a small slit in her abdomen, all wrapped in shiny foil, stinkless, perfect, like a baked potato.

Hey Robin,

  You come up with some of the most unusual information... ::)
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Carol on August 09, 2002, 03:28:49 PM
Well.....maybe that's why so many of the characters were out wandering the woods at all hours of the day and night--they were looking for just the right spot that hadn't already been used.

You know, poison ivy leaves can be used as toilet paper
;D   When I worked at the derm office, a patient came in with that complaint. He was out jogging when nature called and didn't have anything handy.

He wasn't too happy when he found out what he had! :o
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on August 09, 2002, 08:14:35 PM
Dear RobinV,

I loved your comments on Cheryl Ladd of Charlie's Angels.  (Isn't the lovely Jacklyn Smith of Charlie's Angels, the ex-wife of one of Dark Shadows' most "beloved" actors?)

Your comment about observing nature's call in the woods reminds of an old rhetorical question that can be applied to Dark Shadows:  Does Willie Loomis #@%@ in the woods of Collinwood?  (I guess since they bury countless copses on/in the grounds of Collinwood, they might as well "bury" that other "material" as well!)

Scatologically yours,

Bob the Bartender
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Tanis on August 10, 2002, 01:37:24 AM
I think what was was said about what Roger Collins might say would be just about right, "We just don't do those things."

Tanis
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Connie on August 10, 2002, 09:15:48 AM
Quote

Your comment about observing nature's call in the woods reminds of an old rhetorical question that can be applied to Dark Shadows:  Does Willie Loomis #@%@ in the woods of Collinwood?  


I guess no one was paying attention the other day when Adam was bullying Julia, Barnabas and Willie around.  (I believe it was the scene before Willie showed up with the rifle at the top of the stairs.)

Anyway, Willie was trying to get out of there and Adam was saying no, and Willie yelled, "I gotta GO!" and proceeded to run up the stairs.

Proof positive.  There's a bathroom upstairs at the Old House.

Case closed.   ;D

-CLC
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Mark Rainey on August 10, 2002, 09:26:46 AM
Quote
Anyway, Willie was trying to get out of there and Adam was saying no, and Willie yelled, "I gotta GO!" and proceeded to run up the stairs.

Proof positive.  There's a bathroom upstairs at the Old House.

Case closed.

I like this Connie person. She has a very serious handle on the ridiculous.

[shadow=navy,left,300]--Mark[/shadow]
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on August 10, 2002, 02:12:47 PM
All I want to say is, thank God that Maggie finally got out of that lousy Collins Mausoleum secret room!

By the way, didn't Barnabas and Willie bury Jason McGuire down under the dirt floor of the secret room about a year before?  (I thought that old Jason might have started to "spring up" through the dirt floor in the form of shamrocks right about now.)  So, how come there is now a cobblestone floor in the room?

Maybe Willie installed the new floor before he got plugged outside of the Evans cottage.  Or maybe Willie has worked very swiftly on the floor since he has returned from Wyndcliff.  Somehow, I just can't see the 18th century, aristocratic Barnabas Collins deigning to perform hard, physical labor, can you?
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Birdie on August 10, 2002, 04:40:52 PM
I am sticking with the theory that the Collins family just does not have to use the facilities.  They are much like the nuns from parochial school they never heard the call of nature either.  At least that is what my mother told me.

Birdie
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: scout75 on August 10, 2002, 05:11:07 PM
Quote
...I just can't see the 18th century, aristocratic Barnabas Collins deigning to perform hard, physical labor, can you?

Unless, of course, he's beating Willie Loomis with that wolf head's cane or building a wall downstairs for Rev. Trask.

But I guess that's really more recreation than labor...isn't it?
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Bob_the_Bartender on August 11, 2002, 02:55:48 AM
Sure, that's fun for Mr. B.  Heck, I won't even mention all of those whips, chains and other assorted items that Barnabas has stashed in that other secret room behind the bookshelf in the Old House drawing room.  Suffice it to say, that the Marquis de Sade would be very impressed!
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Carol on August 11, 2002, 04:18:49 AM
Quote

I like this Connie person. She has a very serious handle on the ridiculous.

[shadow=navy,left,300]--Mark[/shadow]



Well, you got her pegged right!
Title: Re: An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery
Post by: Carol on August 11, 2002, 04:23:23 AM
Quote
Sure, that's fun for Mr. B.  Heck, I won't even mention all of those whips, chains and other assorted items that Barnabas has stashed in that other secret room behind the bookshelf in the Old House drawing room.  Suffice it to say, that the Marquis de Sade would be very impressed!


And people wonder why Willie stuck around instead of heading for the hills.