DARK SHADOWS FORUMS
General Discussions => Current Talk Archive => Current Talk '24 I => Current Talk '02 II => Topic started by: scout75 on July 12, 2002, 08:57:32 AM
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INT/OLD HOUSE-DAY (yes, I said "day"!)
(BARNABAS COLLINS sits in his wingback chair, looking immaculate yet worried. DR. JULIA HOFFMAN barges in like she owns the place.)
BARNABAS: Julia, you're out of Collinwood early this morning.
JULIA: Roger was having brandy with his Eggs Benedict, so I snuck out. Have you been up all night?
BARNABAS: Yes. Adam came by again last night. With an ultimatum.
JULIA: Oh, is he still harping on that "I-want-a-mate" crap?!
BARNABAS: Yes, but now he has leverage. He's holding Vicki as his prisoner.
JULIA: So now, of course, you want to go traipsing through the cemetary, digging up parts of women to make him a significant other.
BARNABAS: Yes, I do. Julia, I'm aware of your jealousy toward Vicki--
JULIA: Vicki, Vicki, Vicki! "I don't understand". "I took a strange and frightening journey through space and time, back to the year 1795..." The girl's a basket case.
BARNABAS: But, Julia...surely you realize--
JULIA: I realize I couldn't come in here in the middle of the night buck naked with a bottle of Drambuie and make you notice me!
BARNABAS: Julia! When you speak in such a manner, it makes me wish I was still bricked up in that wall downstairs.
JULIA: It's always something with you, isn't it, Barnabas? "Julia, cure me of my affliction so I can stalk Maggie Evans!" "Julia, save me from Angelique and the frickin' Dream Curse!" "Julia, while you're in town, please drop off my Inverness cape at the cleaners!"
(Before Barnabas can reply, there is a knock at the door; Barnabas answers it, annoyed to see JEFF CLARK.)
BARNABAS: Clark! I'm in no mood for a real estate seminar...
JEFF: I'm not here about that. I'm here to speak to you about Adam.
BARNABAS: Adam?
JULIA: Adam West? TV's "Batman"?
JEFF: This Adam only goes by one name.
JULIA: Oh, like Lulu.
BARNABAS: Or Twiggy.
JULIA: Or that singer with the Velvet Underground.
BARNABAS: Nico.
JULIA: Yes, her...
JEFF (clutching his head): Will you two shut up?!
(Jeff runs out the door, leaving Barnabas and Julia perplexed.)
JULIA: He's just like those girls who called me up claiming to be from the phone company.
BARNABAS: Full of...uh, dung?
JULIA (rolls her eyes): Yes, Barnabas..."dung".
BARNABAS: What does Vicki see in him? And what kind of name is "Jeff"?
JULIA: This from a man named Barnabas. What's he see in her? I mean, if I see her in one more sleeveless dress from Ohrbach's...
BARNABAS: This from a woman who wore that atroscity of a dress yesterday...
JULIA: Hey, I happen to look great in black!
BARNABAS: But, really, Julia...a corsage with that dress?! I didn't know if you were going to a wake or a homecoming dance.
JULIA: Why you son of a--
BARNABAS: Julia, please! We must uncover who has put Adam up to this evil scheme. What do we really know about Professor Stokes?
JULIA: Well, she graduated second in her high school class. Which is better than I did.
BARNABAS: I'll go see her at once.
JULIA: And what should I do?
BARNABAS: There's a shovel downstairs, Julia. Take Willie and start digging...
(Barnabas grabs his cape and cane and heads out the door; Julia looks confused...)
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;D ;D ;D
This is a riot!!
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Oh my! Very hilarious. :D
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I love it, scout75! ;D I'm going to have to print this one out.
ProfStokes
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Scout74 That was hilarious!! LOL!! Thanks for the laughs! ;)
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Delicious!
Kudos galore!
Love, Robin
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JULIA: It's always something with you, isn't it, Barnabas? "Julia, cure me of my affliction so I can stalk Maggie Evans!" "Julia, save me from Angelique and the frickin' Dream Curse!" "Julia, while you're in town, please drop off my Inverness cape at the cleaners!"
(Before Barnabas can reply, there is a knock at the door; Barnabas answers it, annoyed to see JEFF CLARK.)
BARNABAS: Clark! I'm in no mood for a real estate seminar...
ROFL ! [lghy]
That damned Barnabas! What AILS him, anyway?
-CLC
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That was hilarious! I got up at 6:00, see what was happening on the forum, and this was on. I laughed and laughed. That was great!
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This was great! Please do more!
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Scout74 That was hilarious!! LOL!! Thanks for the laughs! ;)
Tee-hee...Scout74.
My evil twin...or is he the good one?
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EXCELLENT, Scout75!
Gawd, we've got so much talent around here.....I'd bet we could produce a new version of DS ourselves....if only:
A)we could pry Dan Curtis' fingers off the rights to it!!....and
B) we could all afford to give up our day jobs!
"Say kids! Let's stage a Dark Shadows Musical in the barn!!"
[lghy]
Rainey
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Brilliant!
and a ref to the VELVETS!
[and the Bonzos, both on this board in the same week! bravo!]
cheers,
Ringo, waiting for the man....
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Aw, shucks...
You know, of course, all your kind comments only encourages me to persist in this type of behavior.
Seriously, though: I'm glad you enjoyed reading this goofiness as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Thanks!
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Hi, Scout 75:
Wry, clever, droll, silly, and riotous -- all rolled into one! Love the up-to-the-minute references to Roger Davis and our very own ProfStokes (who should be flattered to be mentioned), as well as the one-word one-liners ("Lulu," "Twiggy").
You should write a sketch that a bunch of us on this board can perform (and steal the show with) at next year's Fest.
Will ya, please, will ya??
Ben
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JULIA: I realize I couldn't come in here in the middle of the night buck naked with a bottle of Drambuie and make you notice me!
In all the hilarity, you hit me with this statement. I think I'm having a realization....I know someone who just turned 40 and really thinks that noone over 23 is worth even looking at. Now he's the last guy I would want, but the whole "sweet young thang" bit confuses me. What is wrong with someone that they can't appreciate a real woman? I don't expect a young guy to be attracted to me, but I sure don't see why someone my own age wouldn't be.
Could it be that they are so lowly motivated in their sex drive that they REQUIRE a SWT to get going? I always thought it was a sexual insecurity, but maybe it is more like a lack of sexuality.
BTW, this was great, It just got me to pondering after I got back up off the floor.
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LOL that was truly funny ;D
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I loved it too, scout75! Very funny!!
I'm not trying to discourage you from putting a humorous twist on another DS scene, but I need to ask that you pleeeease not make this one an ongoing scenario. I overlook the no fanfic rule for brief scenes like this because they're so darn much fun, but I can't if they're longer stories and especially if they have multiple parts. I hope you understand. Hopefully someday these forums will offer a fan fic board, but it's not yet possible.
Yet you're obviously very talented, and if you decide to continue this or any other funny scene or to try your hand at writing a humorous short story, I highly recommend the SciFi DS Lighter Side message board, and links to anyone's offsite stories are always encouraged.
Thanks!
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I need to ask that you pleeeease not make this one an ongoing scenario. I overlook the no fanfic rule for brief scenes like this because they're so darn much fun, but I can't if they're longer stories and especially if they have multiple parts.
Believe me, this is not an ongoing scenario; nor do I believe anything this goofy could ever be mistaken for "fanfic". I have no intention of doing "longer stories" or anything with multiple parts. It is simply my way of commenting on a particular episode and is meant for no other purpose.
Sorry for any problems this may have caused for whatever reason.
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Love the up-to-the-minute references to Roger Davis and our very own ProfStokes (who should be flattered to be mentioned)
Believe me, Ben, I surely am. Thanks again, scout75! :D
You should write a sketch that a bunch of us on this board can perform (and steal the show with) at next year's Fest.
Will ya, please, will ya??
I second the motion!
ProfStokes
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Scout75, believe me, you didn't cause any problem! I just wanted to be up front in case you decided to add on to it. And please don't sell yourself short-- there are some wonderful multi-chapter stories on that SciFi LSB that are as hysterical as yours. Thanks for your response!
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Tee-hee...Scout74.
My evil twin...or is he the good one?
Oops! Sorry Scout75! Now I know I've been on here way too long!! lol!!
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You should write a sketch that a bunch of us on this board can perform (and steal the show with) at next year's Fest.
Will ya, please, will ya??
Ben
Ben:
I'd love to write a sketch for board members to perform next year--especially since I plan to be there in NYC for all the fun; I'm sure we can come up with a winner. We'll have a ball at the Fest!
However, I want to clarify to The Powers That Be that I am in no way trying to post "fan fiction" on this site; occasionally, I do find a scene in an episode that strikes my fancy enough that I want to comment on it by writing a parody--it is, at times, my chosen form of expression--nothing more, nothing less... :)
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Oh, Scout 75.....could I PULEEEEZE play the role of Mrs. Johnson, after Julia mistakenly injects her with sodium pentathol, instead of a sedative....loudly expressing every opinion and rude comment she ever wanted to make about the Collins tribe.....Gawd, wouldn't that be fun??!!
Oh, wait.....I can't act. Oh well.....it was a thought...never mind!!
Raineypark ;)
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(C)ould I PULEEEEZE play the role of Mrs. Johnson, after Julia mistakenly injects her with sodium pentathol, instead of a sedative....loudly expressing every opinion and rude comment she ever wanted to make about the Collins tribe.....Gawd, wouldn't that be fun??!!
That's a hilarious, excellent idea!
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Scout! This was so hilarious!
I hope you do write a skit to be presented at next
year's DS fest. One way or another I have to be there to see that :D
And I do hope Raineypark is playing the role that
was suggested of Mrs. Johnson! What a hoot that would be! ;D
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Why thank you!
Well, then by all means feel free to use it.
Too bad Johnny K. doesn't live in NY any more....I could have asked for acting lessons!......Bwahahahaha [lghy]
Rainey....who wonders how we'd rehearse this great idea since we all live all over the freakin' country!!?? [hdscrt]
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Rainey....who wonders how we'd rehearse this great idea since we all live all over the freakin' country!!?? [hdscrt]
Funny you mention that, since I was wondering that myself--but then I thought that we'd be no less prepared that the actual cast was most days... ;)
Actually, I figure everyone could learn the skit beforehand at home and we'd run through it together as many times as we possibly could before showtime. It's not like it would be anything too complicated.
And anyone who has ever watched the show knows the blocking: a lot of standing downstage, not facing the other actor.
Of course, we do have a whole year to worry about this... :)
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Scout 75, I've been 'considering' going to the Fest in 2003 (it would be my first) but I think you just made my mind up for me.
I think a year would be just enough time for us to psych ourselves into the right frame of mind to carry this off!!!
You are going to be SOOOOOOO sorry when every 'cousin' on this board starts begging you for a role!!!
Rainey
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You are going to be SOOOOOOO sorry when every 'cousin' on this board starts begging you for a role!!!
You're probably right on that one, Rainey, but hey--it'll be big, big fun! ;D
kuanyin:
I'm glad this silliness could provide you with a serious thought.
By the way, I've always heard that Kansas City is filled "crazy little women"--or so said Wilbert Harrison in 1959. Any truth to those rumors...? ;)
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However, I want to clarify to The Powers That Be that I am in no way trying to post "fan fiction" on this site; occasionally, I do find a scene in an episode that strikes my fancy enough that I want to comment on it by writing a parody--it is, at times, my chosen form of expression--nothing more, nothing less... :)
What might be bothering you about my comments, which btw were never an attempt to make you feel that I was coming down on you, appears to be a misconception that a parody or scene isn't fanfic. I'm not trying to argue or get the last word-- my interest now is only to clear that up for you or anyone else that may be confused on this point, and I'm including outside links so that you don't think this is merely personal opinion.
The definition of fan fiction varies-- ask 10 people or check 10 sources and you'll get 10 different answers-- but the commonalities you'll find are that it's an original work by fans that's based on a show, movie, book, or video game, using characters (and anything else borrowed) that were created by someone else. Fanfic is not, however, limited to prose. OutsidetheLines' Guide to Fan Fiction Writing http://outsidetl.tripod.com/guide.html says, "Fan Fiction is not limited to pen & paper, [and] it isn't limited to stories either. Just as there is so many ways to write there is many types of writing." At the same site, it's stated that fanfic can be a very short story, an epic, can be posted 1 or 2 chapters at a time or be a series in the making, and it can be a poem, a love song, an opera, a ballet, a rock classic.
From an FF FAQ at http://www.loony-archivist.com/ptcarchive/faql.html
"What is fan fiction?
Fan Fiction is fiction based on a television series, written by fans. Fanfic-- by and large-- is not scripts but prose. While some have chosen to write their fanfic in teleplay form, those are few and far between. Pieces range in length from vignettes to short stories to full blown novels. There has been fanfic in media fandom for decades ... circulated through the post, and more commonly in "fanzines"-- not-for-profit anthologies of short stories, poems, novellas, and novels usually accompanied by fan artwork, published by fans and sold through the post at at conventions..."
I'm only a moderator, and not the only one, and my role is to enforce the guidelines. But just as I make allowances for role playing as long as it's not ongoing, I enforce the no fanfic rule loosely in that I don't mess with short works including original prose, scenes, poems, songs, etc., and my reasons are that they're fun, they inspire discussion, and I can take on reading them, which brings us to the purpose for the no fanfic rule-- I can't possibly donate the time required to moderate longer works; the rule against fan fic will be removed from the guidelines when I have a lot more help. This has been a general discussion forum since the original incarnation of these boards in 1998, and since then we (MB, Dom, and I) have insured that anything posted on the forums doesn't violate any other poster's rights (and please don't think that ff isn't capable of doing that), and therefore everything posted on these boards gets read by a moderator in a timely fashion. Links to ff, however, are different, as we're not able to read it in a timely manner and therefore only check to see if the links are correct, but it's always been our policy that the content of links is the responsibility of the outside site's webmaster anyway.
In the past, short scenes or prose have been removed when they become multiple parts, but after an incident several years ago in which a poster was quite upset to find his work deleted from the board and returned with a polite explanation, I've found that it's best to communicate up front rather than wait until someone has done the work and then gets a shock upon learning it has been removed. I also communicate my policy about ff from time to time because I do receive messages inquiring why one work was allowed to remain on the board but not another.
All I was trying to do in this thread was communicate that policy to you, and it's not my intention to discourage you from writing and posting more parodies. I apologize for being so long winded today-- I'm usually not, and I'm sorry if you were upset by any of my comments. Thanks.
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Midnite:
I'm not upset, nor is that even the issue; another member of this board communicated to me the kind of issues moderators must tackle from time to time (as you say--you answer e-mail from people wondering why something is left on the board while something else is taken off), so all I was trying to do is publicly state my position, i.e. where I'm coming from--as the kids say.
This little skit was simply my form of expression--my way of expressing my thoughts on a particular scene, done in what I hope is in an enjoyable, readable way. It is not meant to be made into a multiple part story--I have no such plans for this sketch or any would-be future sketch.
But all this back and forth has left me a bit confused as to whether I can do this in the future--and, quite frankly, has just worn me out.
So can I do this in the future...? It's still unclear to me, cuz I ain't all that bright.
Scout75
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This little skit was simply my form of expression--my way of expressing my thoughts on a particular scene, done in what I hope is in an enjoyable, readable way. It is not meant to be made into a multiple part story--I have no such plans for this sketch or any would-be future sketch.
I understand. And I'm glad you weren't upset.
So can I do this in the future...?
Please do! I loved the last one, and it was obviously very popular. I said in my post that it was never my intention to discourage you from writing and posting more of them, but oops, that's what I get for talking so much that I lost you [ignore]
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Okay...[thumb]
I'm glad this is finally settled.
You know, if all the countries of the world watched Dark Shadows and settled their misunderstandings in such a civilized manner...oh, never mind. [spin]
Seriously though: this has worn me out--and I need a nap before Angel. ;)
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;D ;D
Scout75 - that was hysterical! I loved it! :)
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But all this back and forth has left me a bit confused as to whether I can do this in the future--and, quite frankly, has just worn me out.
Quentin says:
(http://www.dsboards.com/Connie/worn-out.jpg)
"Well, I'm plum tuckered out mahself."
-CLC [sleep]
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I don't know what to tell you, Connie...Quentin sure seems to be tired a lot... ;)
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Scout75 - that was hysterical! I loved it! :)
Thanks, Angelique_s_Sis...but, please, keep your dream curses to yourself...:-/
;)