DARK SHADOWS FORUMS
General Discussions => Current Talk Archive => Current Talk '24 I => Current Talk '02 II => Topic started by: Bob_the_Bartender on July 09, 2002, 05:28:34 PM
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Dear fellow Dark Shadows Fans,
Today, a delighted Vicky greeted her fiance, Jeff, by asking him if he was sick,and that was why Jeff was not at his job. "I'm lovesick," Jeff replied, in a cute and cloying sort of way.
You know, I got to wondering just where the mercurially magnificent Jeff Clark was gainfully employed in Collinsport? Here are few ideas that I came up with:
1. Saleman at the men's clothing department at Brewster's Department Store. ("I must say that that size-52, portly man's double-breasted suit fits you like a glove, Prof. Stokes.")
2. Bartender trainee and bus boy at the Blue Whale Tavern. ("Sure thing, Bob. I'll make sure to clean both the men's and ladies' rest rooms before I leave tonight.")
3. Saleman and apprentice gemologist at Braithewaite's Jewelry Store. ("I couldn't agree with you more, Mr. Braithewaite. Let's hope that J. Edgar Hoover and his G-Men catch that dangerous gangster, John Dillinger, before he makes his way up here to New England.")
Can you think of any other jobs that Vicky's inamorata might be toiling at in the quaint New England village of Collinsport, ME?
Sincerely,
Bob the Bartender
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Considering his previous work experience, I'd say butcher's apprentice at "Ye Olde Collinsport Market" would be an appropriate (albeit nauseating) possibility.
Raineypark
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I'm thinking the newspaper "The Collinsport Star". He would probably be working in the circulation dept. (I used to work in a newspaper for 5 years. But I was a secretary)
You know how it is in the circulation dept. They work mostly at night, they get so dirty from papers from the store, Parade, the BIG T.V. guide.
Yeah, Jeff would fit right in there.
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And also given his "past work experience" I can see him as a law partner in that old Collinsport firm of Clueless, Dimwitted and How.
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Maybe he's selling beach front time shares? ::)
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I thought Jeff cleaned up at the Collinsport Barber College. ;D
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This one's obvious--grave-digger!
Love, Robin
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he is the announcer for the local baseball team no microphone needed!
jennifer
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Sells hair restorer.
Tanis
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Bob, I think a salesman at a department store is right on! I can just see him working there. Also, he reminds me of a shoe salesman.
Hey, since he is working in the clothing department--maybe he works at Orbachs! I am sure he is in charge of sending the highly fashionable clothes over to Collinsport!
"Oh I just know Maggie will ADORE this sleeping bag skirt!"
"And this beautiful butterfly dress fits Cassandra's happy, go-lucky personality perfectly!"
-Lindsey
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You asked and three words popped into my cranium.
Fuller Brush Man :P
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Hey gang,
How about this highly respectable job for Jeff:
Process servor for Anthony R. Peterson, Esq.
"Excuse me, ma'am, are you Cassandra Collins, wife of Mr. Roger Collins?"
"Why, yes, I am. And, aren't you Vicky Winters' hunky fiance, Jeff Clark?"
"Yes, I'm the very lucky guy who's engaged to Vicky. By the way, this document is for you, Mrs. Collins."
"Divorce papers!!! Why, I never thought that Liz Stoddard's baby brother would ever have the nerve. What grounds is the poor slob using to divorce me?"
"Well, Mrs. Collins, your husband is filing for divorce on the grounds that you have committed bigamy. It seems that you're still legally married to Roger's cousin, Barnabas Collins, whom you married back in 1795."
"But that was 173-years-ago! The marriage still can't possibly be considered legal after all this time, can it?"
"Does Ezra Braithewaite take Metamucil religiously on a daily basis? Now, you have a nice day, Mrs. Collins."
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Maybe he's selling beach front time shares? ::)
LOL!! With 50 foot retaining walls included ;D
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Every time I look at him, I think: male escort! :o Well, if he isn't, he should be! :D
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Self Employed Preacher with his own Television show called "S.H.O.U.T" ( Screaming Hollering Obnoxious Uncivilized Talking) [argue] [pain] [scrm]
Also sells "Brillcreme" on the side. [silly]
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I think Jeffy is a salesman at Ye Olde Collinsport Wigg Makers (Est. 1788 ). He walks around the store and helps buying customers choose wigs. 'Yes,' he says, running his hands though various wigs of hairs as if they were his own, 'This wig is perfect for you! Just FEEL that hair ship between your fingers!'. At night after closing time, Jeffy put on various wigs and prances around the store, 'oohing' and 'awing' at the feel of synthetic hair in his hands. He models them in the mirrors and dreams of one day introduicing Vicki to his favorite wig, the one he so affectionaly calls ' Bathia Mapes'
Strange yet true....
Kid A
:o :o
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Hey gang,
I have to say that you've all offered some wonderful ideas for Mr. Clark's vocation/avocation.
I have to wonder what Jeff lists as his last previous job when he fills out an employment application. Maybe when Jeff, who last worked as an assistant for the remarkable Dr. Eric Lang, ponders what to write down, and..., euphemistically lists his last job the way Vito Corleone once described Americo Bonasera's profession: "Corpse Valet"!
Sincerely,
Bob the Bartender, who urges you guys to always wear a white buttoned-down shirt with a rep tie and blue navy suit for that all-important first interview! (Ladies should wear a similarly styled Evan Piconne suit, minus the tie, of course!)
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Considering his reaction when Vicki told him that she was telling Barnabas about their engagement, I can only think of one profession for ol' Jeffy: Childish, braying jackass! ;D
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Dear Scout75,
Well, on behalf of my sex, you must know how we men are, generally, such fools for love. We don't always act in a mature, cooly dispassionate, reasoned manner.
Just look at the actions of the late Prince of Wales, Frank Gifford or Quentin Collins for that matter!
Sincerely,
Bob the Bartender, who wishes that we could all act as rationally as Joshua Collins or Mrs. Hyacinth Bucket's (pronounced "Bouquet") role model, Mrs. Councilor-Nugent
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Dear Bob_The_Bartender:
I very much believe in passion and maturity--well, it's probably overrated; I just thought Jeff was going to throw a temper tantrum when Vicki told him of her plans to visit the Old House...perhaps even stomp his foot.
I mean, really: is that any way for an 18th century barrister/20th century mad scientist sidekick to act?
I think not... ;)
Sincerely,
Scout 75, who is probably just sensitive to the fact that the DS Personality Quiz correctly pegged me as Barnabas; that and the fact that my coffin reeks of Pine-Sol. Or is it Old English?
Ah, Old English it is...
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Just look at the actions of the late Prince of Wales, Frank Gifford or Quentin Collins for that matter!
Sincerely,
Bob the Bartender, who wishes that we could all act as rationally as Joshua Collins or Mrs. Hyacinth Bucket's (pronounced "Bouquet") role model, Mrs. Councilor-Nugent
Hyacinth Says...
(http://members.aol.com/beamoflite/images/hyacinth.jpg)
"While I never make a habit of speaking ill of people,
I DO pride myself on being an impeccable judge of character.
I don't know what this poor soul does for a living in Collinsport, but he'd probably do well to return to his former line of work - selling aftershave."
-CLC [chkyb]
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Dear Connie,
Do you think that Willie Loomis might be a distant "American cousin" of Hyacinth's "beloved" brother-in-law, Onslow? By the way, I would love to find out the maiden name of Hyacinth, Daisy, Rose and Violet. Maybe it's Crabtree, or, more likely Crabgrass!
Sincerely,
Bob the Bartender, who wonders if Hyacinth's unrequited admirer, "The Major," would be hot for Mrs. Johnson?
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Here's my thought on the subject:
He's employed by a consortium of Collinsport businesses who pay him not to show up.
Luciaphil
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Bob the Bartender, who wishes that we could all act as rationally as Joshua Collins or Mrs. Hyacinth Bucket's (pronounced "Bouquet") role model, Mrs. Councilor-Nugent
Perhaps a position on the committee for Jeff Clark?
"I WILL NOT have Harry Johnson brushing up against my walls!"
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i thought of another one he can help freeze bodies(or heads) since that has been the "hot" topic here in Boston the past week! :o :o :o
jennifer
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Jennifer,
I wonder if the late, great "Splendid Splinter's" apparently wacky son is somehow related to the late, unlamented Dr. Eric Lang?
You know, when I first heard about this cockamamie plan of taking the head (or some other body part) from this truly great American hero and freezing it ala Walt Disney and/or Michael Jackson, I was dumbfounded! Maybe the truth is stranger than fiction.
Maybe the Dark Shadows people can cryogenically preserve some of its notable heads, such as "Buzz" Hackett, Magda Racosi, Judge Crathorne, and, last, but not least, the irrepressible Jeff Clark!
Bob the Bartender, who always considers Judah Zachary
as being a "heads-up" kind of guy!
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When i heard the plan i could only think of Judah's head
in that glass case!I wonder if Jeff's hair could stand the test of time (or freezing that is!)It is a weird concept to most of us I quess!
jennifer