Your posting touched me profoundly, Castlebee. Having lost my own dad (to congestive heart failure, not helped by his addiction to both alcohol and cigarettes), I can relate to the feelings you're experiencing. Alas, there's very little any of us can say to lighten your load. Time will really be your best friend. The weeks and months will go by, and while your hurt won't heal, Life will find a way to keep you going. Rest assured that your mom's in a much better place and that she's only a prayer/thought away.
As for smoking and the "older" generation, I'm about your age (born in late 1952) and can remember going on drives and family trips with both my parents as they smoked away like fiends. The car would be cloudy with smoke, and my two sisters and I would be inhaling all of it. Hopefully, we won't someday be victims of second-hand smoke (unheard of back then), but I can happily say that I've never smoked a cigarette myself. My younger sister is also smoke-free...though my older sister (now 55) has been hooked since age 15!
My uncle, who smoked (gasp) unfiltered cigarettes since the 1930's, passed away from lung cancer in 1998. He had the exact same symptoms as your mom--coughing up blood one day. That led to hospitalizations, pneumonia, the news that his cancer was inoperable, and his eventual death. It was a tough situation for all of us...mostly because he'd always been so hale and hearty. When I think of him, I remember his energy, mostly.
So, Castlebee, take heart...we're with you!
Love - Rod
