The Collinsport Fire Dept.: As Feckless as the Collinsport Police Dept.?

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Hey gang,

I was watching the Leviathan (or Leviathon?) episodes recently and I was mightily "impressed" with the great degree of "alacrity" and apparent "professionalism" which the Collinsport Fire Department employed in putting out the fire at the Todd antique shop, located conveniently in downtown Collinsport.

Heck, by the time that the, presumably, volunteer fire brigade arrived there, the Todd antique shop was completely finito.  Evidently, the C.F.D. was about as "on-the-ball" as were Sheriffs Patterson and Davenport (May he rest in peace/pieces.)  in their seemingly neverending and unfailingly fruitless searches  for the killer(s) of all of those Collinsport towns people over the years.  I venture to say that more residents of Collinsport were "offed" between 1968-to-1970 than were citizens of Philadelphia during a similar three-year time span!  

By the way, did the "crack" Collinsport homicide detectives really  believe that the meek and mellow Phillip Todd, looking ever-so-sharp in that ubiquitous cardigan sweater of his,  had knocked-off all of those people by somehow "sliming" and singeing them?  (Years later, when I saw Bill Murray get "slimed" in "Ghostbusters" by a malevolent entity, I thought that that evil entity might be a possible kindred spirit of Jeb Hawkes'.)
 
And, just who comprised the members of the Collinsport Fire Department?  There could not have been very many younger men on the force.  After all, most of the younger Collinsport men had either departed (usually violently) from this mortal coil or had simply blown town; Tom Jennings, Mr. Wells, and Bruno Hess falling into the former category, and Joe Haskell, Buzz Hackett (?), and possibly also Tony Petersen in the latter category.  (Who the heck knows what eventually happened to the hippie, Sebatian "Mr. Maine Moonbeam" Shaw, after Barnabas, Dr. Hoffman, and Prof. Stokes returned from 1840?) 

Do you think that the senior members of the Collinsport Volunteer Fire Depatment would allow Harry "Itchy Fingers" Johnson or even Willie "Light Fingers" Loomis on the force?  I don't think so!  No former jail birds allowed, thank you very much.

So, who was left to make up the members of the C.F.D.? Possibly, such "spry" and "still-active" local citizens as the Eagle Hill Cemetery Caretaker ("This is a frightening, evil place," this faithful, Geritol-using senior citizen might have said about the Todd antique shop.),  the venerable Prof. T. Elliott Stokes (still endeavoring to remain on Dr. Irwin Stillman's world-famous water diet) and the professor's fellow academic and, yet, still frisky, colleague, Prof. Henry (?) Osmund; and how about the fire squad's "baby" member,  the fifty-something, bartender/proprietor of the Blue Whale himself, the inimitable Bob Rooney?   (I can envision Bob calmly lighting up his stogie from the flames engulfing the antique shop, courtesy of Barnabas "The Pyromaniac" Collins.)  No wonder the God-d@mned place burned completely to the ground!!!  

So, here's to the brave and selfless members of the Collinsport Volunteer Fire Department; may their fire axes always be sharp, may their 1920 fire engine always be running in tip-top condition, and may their copious supplies of Flomax, Depends and Aricept never run out!!!  

Bob the Bartender

PS In Memoriam (such former hallowed C.F.D. members as):
 
Ezra Braithwaite, Matthew Morgan, Charles Delaware Tate, Sam Evans and Bill Malloy  

[Lydia]

I'm sure Tony Peterson volunteered, so he could be the first to hand out business cards to the people standing around wearing blankets while their house burned down, and tell them that he had aced a correspondence course on arson law.

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Yes, indeed, Anthony Petersen, Esq., Collinsport's ambulance/fire truck chaser "answer" to the late, great Paul Newman's character, Frank Galvin, in "The Verdict"!  

Lord knows, how such other "renowned" Collinsport pettifoggers as Evan Hanley and Charles Dawson would have shamelessly exploited the Todds' loss and grief for their own venal gain?  

[michaelhacketttodd]

It might be worth considering the fact that Collinsport, without all the Supernatural occurances, is just a small Maine Fishing Village and that they most likely had a volunteer fire department.  And you are on target when you regard them is not much better than the Police Department.  They most likely filled the water tanks in the fire truck with gasoline by mistake.  That is why the shop burned so completely.   

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Evidently, the 1970 Parallel Time Collinsport Fire Department, in responding to the conflagration at Collinwood,  was as "expert" in putting out fires as was the 1970 "Real Time" Collinsport Fire Department, in putting out that blaze at Megan and Phillip Todd's antique shop.  

By the way, who was more of a fire bug, Barnabas "The Arsonist" Collins or Timothy "The Pyromaniac" Stokes?

[Lydia]

Stokes, of course.  He dreamed big.  He wasn't content with burning down some penny-any antique shop.  No, for him it was the great house of Collinwood or nothing!

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Yes, even though Timothy could not keep Angelique from getting "chilled-out," he did manage to make a grand spectacle of the great house of Collinwood.  (I wonder if old Timmy sang David Byrne's "Burning Down the House" as the flames closed in on him in the Collinwood foyer?)

Nevertheless, neither Barnabas not Timothy could hold a "candle" to Laura Murdoch (?) Collins in the "Great Fire Department," imho.  

 

[Mysterious Benefactor]

Nevertheless, neither Barnabas not Timothy could hold a "candle" to Laura Murdoch (?) Collins in the "Great Fire Department," imho.

Well, who could? Laura is a "firebug" unto herself!