"To Bring Forward All That Is 'Good' In Man."

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Hey gang,

In reflecting on Cyrus Longworth's deeply profound words, I think that we have all been astounded at the complete, night-and-day change in the previously bashful Dr. Longworth. (Sort of like changing instantly from Caspar Milquetoast into Attila the Hun, and, all from just one swallow of the good doctor's amazing potion!)

Well, I got to thinking about the potentially remarkable metamorphoses that might occur if other Dark Shadows Parallel Time characters partook of Dr. Longworth's chemical "synthesis."  Here are a few possible suggestions:

1. Quentin Collins, from Maggie's headstrong/abusive husband and the highly irascible master of Collinwood...

into:

Dagwood Bumstead, softhearted and henpecked hubby of the "Blondie" comic strip or, possibly, actor Alan Alda, formerly America's sexiest and most "sensitive" male.

2. Mr. Trask, from faithful, albeit perpetually tremulous Collins family butler...

into:

Joey Buttafucco, jaunty jet-setter, self-assured auto mechanic and the much revered poet laureate of Massapequa, Long Island.

3. Roger Collins, from a constantly inebriated and insufferably insouciant, ne'er-do-well member of the Collins family...

into:

Floyd R. Turbo, American, recurring and reactionary/dimwitted character, portrayed by the great Johnny Carson on the old "Tonight Show."

4. Sabrina Stuart, from a reserved and almost painfully shy fiancee/lab assistant of Dr. Cyrus Longworth...

into:

Tonya Harding, former US Olympic Figure Skating Team hopeful, current "Celebrity Boxing" participant/contender, and, if I may say, one tough mama!

(By the way, Sabrina/Tonya's "transformation" scene would probably be some bizarre combination of Bette Midler's final, harrowing concert scene in "The Rose," and Lucille Ball's frenetic and madcap assembly/production line scene in the classic chocolate candy factory episode of "I Love Lucy," IMHO.)

Can you think of any other possible DS Parallel Time character transformations?

Bob the Bartender, who, would probably "morph" into either actor/game show host Richard Dawson or Steve, the so-called "Dell Computer Dude," after imbibing Dr. Longworth's fantastic 'tonic."

[Raineypark]

Will Loomis.....over-imbibing pathetic excuse for a writer and husband......

....into Jack Kerouac, drink-and-drugs crazed, cross-country traveling, Beat poet extraordinaire.

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Will Loomis.....over-imbibing pathetic excuse for a writer and husband......

....into Jack Kerouac, drink-and-drugs crazed, cross-country traveling, Beat poet extraordinaire.

It seems as if you're almost describing Charles Bukowski's character Henry Chinaski, the alcoholic poet author from the flick, "Barfly."

[Patti Feinberg]

Mild, sober-minded, kind, attractive, Maggie

into

wasted, ill-attired, unkempt, disrespectful....Julie Cooper of One Day at a Time (played by MacKenzie Philips).



Strong-minded, strong-willed, bullyish, attractive, bossy Angelexis


into


wishy-washy, frumpy, kinda lazy, get her to the hair-dresser, decide if it's a dress or a shirt Carol Brady

Patti

[Bob_the_Bartender]

How about Aunt Hannah Stokes, flaky, middle-aged hippie/new age necromancer...

into:

Hyacinthe Bucket (pronounced "Bouquet"), stolid, middle-aged wannabe member of the British aristocracy/Great Britain's greatest "candlelight supper" hostess?

[Gerard]

I like Patti turning Angelexis into Carol Brady.  I was picturing her as June Cleaver.  She's all sunshine and joy, but when she's had it with Eddie Haskell, she can still turn him into a kumquat.

Gerard

[Raineypark]

...... but when she's had it with Eddie Haskell, she can still turn him into a kumquat.

You're killing me here today, Gerard!!

[Bob_the_Bartender]

A Dark Shadows query:  Who has worse head of hair, the pompadour-sporting Bruno Hess of Collinsport, ME or the frizzy-haired (some might say "Brillo-haired") Edward Haskell of Mayfield, USA?

[Patti Feinberg]

Well,,,seems like Bruno 'worked' for that look as an adult; whereas IIRC, Eddie ended up alright (the New Leave it to Beaver).

Patti.... :-

[Julian]

Carolyn Stoddard Loomis has a shot of the potion, starts gathering twigs, leaves and other assorted items to use as centerpieces at luncheons and morhps into Martha Stewart.  (Don't even ask about her investments)

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, poor relation, has a sip, becomes a ruthless business woman, opens a string of luxery hotels and morphs into Leona Helmsley.

Regarding Aunt Hannah and Hyacinth Bucket - I can see her trying to give a candlelight supper and then having it crashed by an inebriated Timothy Stokes a la Onslow and Angelique going after every male guest for "warmth" a la Rose.

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Carolyn Stoddard Loomis has a shot of the potion, starts gathering twigs, leaves and other assorted items to use as centerpieces at luncheons and morhps into Martha Stewart.  (Don't even ask about her investments)

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, poor relation, has a sip, becomes a ruthless business woman, opens a string of luxery hotels and morphs into Leona Helmsley.

Regarding Aunt Hannah and Hyacinth Bucket - I can see her trying to give a candlelight supper and then having it crashed by an inebriated Timothy Stokes a la Onslow and Angelique going after every male guest for "warmth" a la Rose.

Julian,

Carolyn Stoddard Loomis as Martha Stewart, I love it!!!  (If the truth be told, "Real Time" Carolyn Stoddard seemed to be a young, aspiring Martha Stewart during the first year of Dark Shadows, IMHO.)

As to your Dark Shadows/Keeping Up Appearances scenario, how about the tortured, literary genius Will Loomis as Mrs. Bucket's unseen, esthetic son, Sheridan (sort of a Parallel Time counterpart of 1897's Carl Collins)?

Then again, I could see the worldly-wise, been-around-the-block Buffy Harrington morphing into the persnickety and hidebound Mrs. Councilor-Nugent.  Of course, the Barney Fife-like butler, Mr. Trask, could also morph into Hyacinthe's undaunted (not to mention unwanted) military paramour, the so-called "Major."

Bob the Bartender, who, like Mrs. Bucket, believes that you can always tell "good breeding" in people. (Just look at Anna Nicole Smith or Roger Clinton!)

[Midnite]

This one's for Bette... 

Cyrus' fuzzy, gentle, carrot-chomping bunny

into

the evil, decapitating bunny of death from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

[Bette]

This one's for Bette... 

Cyrus' fuzzy, gentle, carrot-chomping bunny

into

the evil, decapitating bunny of death from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

 



Bette

[Tanis]

Barnabas takes a sip of the noxious brew and becomes the fellow who used to come to the door in the old "Millionare" show to announce someone who does not wish to be identified has decided to give you a check for one million dollars.

Tanis

[Happybat]

Funny!!!

How about:

The handsome, charming, irascible, haunted, befuddled, and hard-drinking Quentin accidentally chugs down a glass of Dr. Longworth's potion and morphs into ...

that fat, beer-swilling, homely, lazy, couch potato with a heart of gold, Onslow of "Keeping Up Appearances".