Hey gang,
That was some engrossing scene today when Lady Kitty awoke from her vivid dream to find those flowers and that book, The Love Sonnets of Robert Burns, on her night table (notwithstanding that pesky and seemingly omnipresent Dark Shadows Fly!).
However, I wonder what Lady Kitty's reaction would have been if she had awakened to find any of these other tomes on night table?:
Ectasy and Me - The autobiography of the late, sultry screen goddess, Hedy Lamarr.
Ball Four - The irreverent recollections of baseball pitcher Jim Bouton's tenure with the expansion (and now defunct) Seattle Pilots of the American League.
Tall, Dark and Gruesome - The autobiography of actor Christopher Lee, arguably the most terrifying Dracula ever to bare his fangs on the silver screen.
Fear of Flying - Author Erica Jong's novel, chronicling a woman's lifelong search for "liberation."
Yet, perhaps this following self-help book might prove to be the most inspiring and encouraging book for Lady Kitty Hampshire:
The Gold Diggers Guide to Landing a Spouse with Mucho Dinero - by Catherine Zebra-Johns and Michael Dowd, with a Foreword by Kathie Lee-Me .
Ms. Zebra-Johns and her apparently ageless, Dorian Graylike husband, Mr. Dowd, will explain, in detail, all of the subtle and artful techniques needed to attract that prospective, wealthy mate.
Kathie Lee-Me will lend her expertise on how a woman of a "certain" age can still successfully play the coquette, in order to reel in an "older" and very affluent man.
A subsequent chapter details how a successful gold digger, once married, can make a killing by negotiating a lucrative, albeit tacky deal, with a tabloid, to publish exclusive photographs of one's wedding day.
The book concludes with a section on how to maintain that gorgeous gold digger look with an informative discussion of the efficacy of Botox and Collagen injections, the desirabliity of maintaining an attractive, but still healthy tan (a la Mr. George Hamilton's tawny tan), and, when it's time to finally go under the plastic surgeon's knife.
I just have an intuitive feeling that a self-help book like this might prove to be of enormous benefit to an aspiring gold digger such as Lady Kitty of Hampshire (formerly, no doubt, Ms. Kitty Kowalski of Pottstown, PA). Hey, it couldn't hurt!
Can you think of any other books that may pique the interest of this former expatriate American "cultivator" of the English aristocracy?
Bob the Bartender, aspiring social climber and parvenu wannabe.
