"you've gone hopelessly insane & are seeing ghosts, dear child!"
"I've had my dead wife stuffed & placed next to the doorframe so we can all remember her!"
"Alexis was the right-side-conjoined twin, & therefore not evil! I can show you the scar to prove it!"
"Santa Claus isn't real! ..uhh, I mean your dog didn't run away, I ran him over!"