"...everyone was all aflutter over the terrible news that tuna prices were down and brandy prices were up - and that surely had the potential to spell the end of the Collins family as they knew it!!!!"
Yep, THAT would do it!
"Roger lost Collinwood in a drunken bet with a leprechaun"
"Laura, Cassandra & 2 other supernatual women that Roger had secretly married have all come forward & are demanding alimony"
"the sea monsters are at large once again"