OT - Life

[Mark Rainey]

If it's any consolation Mark, it seems to be virtually universal at that age.

Yeah, when I think back to my own sordid past, I cut loose pretty good at 22/23; in fact, it's a wonder I survived it. I didn't rack up any long-term debt, though, financial or otherwise, which is quite different from my daughter. She's going to be trying to climb out of a big hole, both monetarily and relationship-wise, for a long time to come.

--Mark[/color]

[Raineypark]

That's going to be the ruination of an entire generation of young people.  When my husband and I left college we didn't have a penny's worth of school debt over our heads and no one in the family had ever possesed a credit card.  Now I know graduates who have 6-figure college loans, maxed-out credit cards and jobs that pay minimum wage because their 'field' is 'over-crowded'.  It's so ubiquitous it's hard to blame the kids themselves for getting caught up in it.  How, then, are they supposed to start families, buy homes, support themselves?

Last year, when my daughter was 15 I sat her down, explained that there was no huge college trust fund waiting for her and that while  we would help her all we could, we would NOT assist her in getting herself swamped in school loan debt.....and she'd better consider schools with that in mind.

I wouldn't be a kid today for anything. 

[Cassandra]

Many is the day I wish I had stuck to raising cats.

Me too Mark!

Seriously, I love my two girls to death but when I think of what my oldest one use to put me through...

Both my girls went to a strict private Catholic Elementary school.  And I can't tell you how many times the Principal, (a Nun) had to call my house over the years to complain about one thing or another that my oldest daughter did.  Then in the 8th grade, after being there since Pre-K, the Principal calls us to meet with her at her office and "suggests" that we should take our daughter out of that school!!   I nearly died!   Here it was her last year of Grammar school, which was also Confirmation year, and in the middle of November and Im suppose to find her another school to go to!!   

Well thank God after searching around some we finally found another good Catholic school that was fairly close to us.  And you know what,  she did wonderful there!!  The teachers and Principal praised her and loved her spunkiness and told us that she was no problem at all for them. (when we told them what school she had recently come from, they kind of rolled their eyes)

Needless to say, she graduated 8th grade with honors, and went on to excel beautifully in High school,  oh, and yes she did make her Confirmation in her 8th grade class with the new school.

Now she's in college and also works as a Lifeguard for the summer.

Now, my youngest daughter on the other hand loved the school and I never had a problem with her in that school at all, she had lots of friends and believe it or not the Principal actually liked her!  (she didn't like too many people)

Its funny because just the other day my older daughter and I were talking about the first school and she told me just how much she hated that school.  When I think back I realize I probably should have taken her out of there years ago since she was so unhappy there.  I could have saved her, myself and that Nun years of misery!!

Anyway, Deb,sometimes certain things work well with one child while it just doesn't quite click too good with the other one.  At least your daughter is willing to go for her GED so that's a good sign.

Sometimes I wish that Parenting came with intructions just like everything else does but I suppose it does come with lessons of some sort,  life lessons that is, which of course is far from easy.


Mark,  don't feel to bad,  one of my sisters finally got her act together about 6 years ago, when she was 40 years old!!!!  Something we all thought would never happen, but thankfully that it did.  I can't get over the change in her,  so there's hope for everyone out there.

Hope everyone's problems turn out okay.

Cassandra

[Mark Rainey]

Mark,  don't feel to bad,  one of my sisters finally got her act together about 6 years ago, when she was 40 years old!!!!

That kind of hits a familiar note. My mom's best friend has a daughter my age (actually a few months older), and I'm continually hearing about this "girl" who has zero financial sense, occasional lapses of honesty in professional and private matters where honesty ought to be paramount, and little understanding of responsibility in general. When I was a youngster, this girl was as sharp as they come, a whiz in school, dedicated to her goals, and I was more than halfway in love with her. To think this is the same person is more than a little suprising and certainly disillusioning. You can bet I'm hoping my young'un will straighten herself out before she's 44.

--Mark

[jennifer]

to me it is a safe  hope you're feeling better Patti!
jennifer

PS Happy Anniversary!
(mine was the 23rd)

[Midnite]

PS Happy Anniversary!
(mine was the 23rd)

Happy Anniversary to both of you!

Been dying to ask, Patti... who's the Walt mentioned on the Calendar for this date?

[ProfStokes]

Happy belated anniversary, Patti!   I hope 2003 improves for all of us.

ProfStokes

P.S. Happy belated to you too, jennifer!

[Cassandra]

Happy Anniversary Patti!

Happy Anniversary Jennifer!!

Hope you both enjoyed your special days!


Cassandra

[Birdie]

Happy Anniversay to both Patti, and Jennifer!

Mark, it is fairly common for young adults of your daughters age to get consumed in dept.  My nephew did the same thing.  I am pretty sure his folks bailed him out.  We are trying our very best to instill opon our children the value of money,and to advise them not to get in the dept. hole.  We have helped the older two out with college and they have also had to work for it.  Both of them will come out with a small amount of dept, compared to there peers.  Thanks for the heads up about the years coming up only to soon.  I guess we do the best we can and hope that somehow something in the end sinks in.

Debra,  good luck with your daughter.  I am sure you have asked her anything going on a school, or with friends?  What I tell my kids is my biggest regret is not finishing college.

To all, we are in this together, and this is a great place to vent and get some support.

Birdie

[jennifer]

Happy Anniversay to both Patti, and Jennifer!

Mark, it is fairly common for young adults of your daughters age to get consumed in dept.  My nephew did the same thing.  I am pretty sure his folks bailed him out.  We are trying our very best to instill opon our children the value of money,and to advise them not to get in the dept. hole.  We have helped the older two out with college and they have also had to work for it.  Both of them will come out with a small amount of dept, compared to there peers.  Thanks for the heads up about the years coming up only to soon.  I guess we do the best we can and hope that somehow something in the end sinks in.

Debra,  good luck with your daughter.  I am sure you have asked her anything going on a school, or with friends?  What I tell my kids is my biggest regret is not finishing college.

To all, we are in this together, and this is a great place to vent and get some support.

Birdie

Thanks to all! but others must have celebrated too so i say
Happy Anniversary(for whatever it is) to all!

 but at the age my children will get out of college
(esp son who is 5) i'll be ready for the nursing home so they are on their own![laugh]just kidding to me middle age is at least 60!

jennifer

[Julian]

Julia99 - Isn't 3 Beekman Place the home of Mame Dennis?  Life does have its ups and downs, but remember, Mame says life is a banquet and as her great portrayer Rosalind Russell said, we don't want to miss out on any of the courses.  OK, maybe I would like to have skipped some of the meals I've had to eat, but I keep hoping that they will somehow contribute to my development as a person.  I'm not always sure about that, but I keep hoping!

[Julia99]

Ahh Julian. . you do get the PRIZE!! Yes. .that is exactly why I went there. . just read the book, quite fun and more nuanced than the play--Patrick was very aware of Mame's many faults but still loved her completely.  Of course, I then walked a few blocks over to the Katharine Hepburn Garden  ..right near her townhouse, 24 hours before she left this earth. . .

[Debra]

Debra,  good luck with your daughter.  I am sure you have asked her anything going on a school, or with friends?  What I tell my kids is my biggest regret is not finishing college.

Thank you Birdie for your well wishes.  The problem was that she just recently tells me that she has always hated the school that she's been attending since the 9th grade.  Since we practically live up in the boondocks here, finding another school nearby is out of the question.  They do however have night school classes (in the same school) but they're quite different from the daytime classes, and also have a whole different personnel of teachers that work individually with each child if they appear to be having trouble keeping up with the work.  My daughter seems to be all for this and is going to be starting in September. These nighttime classes are for kids (or adults) who for whatever reason didn't finish high school and it's a way for them to receive the GED.  Im still quite upset over it as I had wished to see her graduate with cap & gown & diploma walking down the aisle with the rest of her class.

My daughter had a very bad spell at 13 and 14, then straightened out to where we thought we had the worst of it licked. She did very well in college... and then boom. Now, at age 22, she's having some god-awful reversion to 13. The problem now is that she has adult issues to deal with and they're building up to where the hole she's in is very deep indeed. We can't -- and won't -- dig her out of it. All I can do is hope that everything we've taught her over the years about actions and consequences is going to get through to her before the worst happens.

Mark, I believe you're doing the right thing in letting her figure out how to get out of her problems on her own, since this is part of growing up.  But on the other hand I know how hard it is to see all of it happening in front of you.  The worst thing for us is to witness our children having problems and not being able to come to their rescue,  like we did when they were small children.  The only thing we can do is offer our guidance & support which I think, is the greatest gift that a parent can offer their young adult children.
I wish you well Mark and hope everything turns out okay for your daughter.


Cassandra,
Thanks also for the well wishes.   Yes I am grateful that at least she's willing to go for her GED because I've seen so many kids just totally give up on education without even giving it a second thought.   But nevertheless, it still hurts me not being able to watch her walk down the aisle along with the rest of her class.

Things were so different for me growing up.  Leaving school, especially in the 11th grade never even crossed my mind,  (and if it had Im sure my strict Sicilian parents would have erased it from my mind in no time!!)

The only thing I wanted to do was graduate, get my diploma and get on with my life.   While I never attended college, I did work right away and stayed there full time until I had my first child.   Sure, there were other kids in my class that eventually dropped out due to one thing or another, but for me, I just couldn't see spending 13 of your young years in school, year after year, day after day, only to leave it all only year ahead of schedule.  And as much as I got tired of school also (especially during the teen years) I wasn't going no where until I got that piece of paper in my hand, my diploma that I went to school all these years for!


Lets hope the 2nd half of 2003 is alot better for all of us!

Deb